F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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frazzledmum
So, we were doing ok, D was fairly compliant until yesterday when it was very difficult to get her dinner into her. Today she decided that she will only eat what she wants to eat.
She has had:1 banana, 250g sourdough bread with flora and nutella, 350ml hot chocolate, 1 full fat yogurt and 1 cup orange juice. She has refused her ensure.

Her dad and me have remained calm and insistent. She has just spent an hour sitting rigidly, and only when i said I would get her into the car, then she went with her dad to the kitchen for the hot chocolate.

Should I take her to hospital?

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Kali
Hi Frazzledmom,

She has eaten, however not as much as you would like or as much as she needs to. What is her overall health like? Is she at a very compromised bmi or medically compromised in any way? 

Does she have a team and have you been in touch with them about this latest blip?

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 i said I would get her into the car, then she went with her dad to the kitchen for the hot chocolate.


She did drink it and that is a positive. I don't want to give medical advice because I'm not a dr. but it seems as though letting her know you would take her had some results. There will be days when things are more difficult than others and being calm and insistent will get you through, like you are doing. Sorry it is so difficult. Can you make an appointment for her to see her dr. or her team this week so that she can be evaluated?

Kali


Food=Love
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frazzledmum
Hi Kali,

Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it, sometimes it's difficult to know what to do when you feel you're in a crisis, but aren't sure if it really is. Reason and rationality disappear.

After the hot chocolate she ate her dinner and 3 ensure compacts. I think you are right, just the thought of me taking her had a result, she knows I really , really don't want her to end up in hospital, so she probably realised that I thought the situation was extremely serious.

We saw her Dr on Thursday and he said her BP was fine and her heart rate. I can't remember her BMI at the moment, but from her behaviour today I wonder if she has been skipping lunch when she can.

So, no hospital today, and took on the demon. Thankfully Husband was 'in the zone' and totally onside as well, pity he isn't always like that....

This has turned into a bit of a ramble, but thank you so much for being there, Kali.
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EC_Mom
Frazzled, great job getting the food in! It is, I think, always useful to have a Plan B and Plan C, because I believe ED senses that resistance will be overcome. The demon lost, you won!

I don't know your hospital situation, but some people here have had the backfire experience of packing their kid up to the ER, and then ER unhelpfully telling the kid and parents that there is nothing they can do because the kid isn't in medical danger. Some other people on here (lucky them) have had the backup of their ER in offering to do a nasogastric tube in the event of missed meals. If you consider taking your d to the ER again it might be worth imagining the scenarios of what would unfold there and how you would handle what follows.


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tina72
Hi frazzledmum,
I think ED tried to figure out if you are still there fighting.
As long as she eats and drinks something try to get her on path again in your way.
ER is needed when she refuses to drink or eat for more than 24 hours. I think it is true that you might go there and they send you back home and that there is no medical need for her to stay so wait until this is really necessary.
You will see some days like this until she is proper WR and it is not really a relapse, I think, it is a slight back. ED wants to know if you are still there and you won that fight. Great. Keep on going. You are doing an amazing job.
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Kali
Hi frazzlemum,

I'm glad she ate her dinner and drank her ensure last night and I'm hoping today will be a better day for her and for you.

warmly,
Kali
Food=Love
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frazzledmum
Thank you all for replying, I haven't had access to my computer for a couple of days.

ECmom, wise words and definitely something to consider before taking her to the hospital.
Tina, yes, now I can look back and say you are right, it was indeed the demon checking if we were up for a fight.

It also turns out, as someone has said in another thread, that she is really anxious about Christmas and the food that will be around, so that was probably building up as well.
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tina72
So if you have the possibility, drive Christmas a little down this year. Serve normal food or only some extras and try to keep the family table small for lunch and dinner. Meet the rest of the family after eating if possible so that she can have some "normal" christmas hours...
I talked to my d yesterday about her problems with christmas food (she is WR for 5 months now) and she said something interesting:
She too is still a bit anxious about it but she wants to eat all the special christmas food and she said she would be sad and dissapointed to be served something different and that she would look with envy on the other plates. She said she wanted to eat that last year, too, but ED didn´t allow it.

So maybe all that talk about christmas food is from your d behind ED that she is trying to tell you that SHE wants to eat all that but ED doesn´t allow her.
So maybe you should think about telling her she will get a normal plate with her normal amount of food like every day and it just will be christmas food and safe for her. Maybe that is what she wants to hear.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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