F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Frazzled
Hi everyone, 
I just weighed my daughter and her weight hasn’t changed in two months. Is this because I need to bump up calories again or because she is where she is supposed to be and she is gaining slower now? Just a reminder that we are 1 year and 6 months into this. She has grown 4 1/2 inches in height during this time. Started refeeding at 10 and she is now 12. The strange thing is that she has gone up in clothes sizes but weighs the same. I’m stumped. 
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Enn
Hi frazzled,
Is her shape changing like growing out? If so she may be getting ready for a growth spurt. Is her weight curve similar to where she was prior to ED? Does she have periods and are they regular? 
I don’t think there is harm in bumping up calories and seeing what happens.
how is her mood?
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Frazzled
Hi Enn, Yes, her shape is changing. She is developing and her legs/hips/butt are larger now. Another yes about her weight curve. She is happy most of the time and eating new things everyday. She gets excited about certain things she is having for a meal or snack. She says she gets hungry now which is a bonus also. She has been having body image problems for a long time though and we are working on that best that we can. Just having a little difficulty with her shake recently also so one day a week we are working on getting the food equivalent in to eventually get rid of the shake one day.  She hasn’t had her period yet. 
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Torie
My hunch is that more calories would be a plus.  At any rate, it is unlikely they will hurt.  ("I wish I hadn't required her to eat so much" said no FEASTIE ever.)  As you know, she (like all kids) should gain a few pounds each year through the young adult years.  And it is important to make sure her weight doesn't hover just on the edge of "okay" because unintentional weight loss can easily happen with illness or whatever.  Please keep us posted. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
They need a buffer for growth spurts and development so YES for adding more when she did not gain any more in the last months. There is no fix target weight for a 12 year old.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Frazzled
Thanks for everyone’s advice. I feel like I’m fighting the demon again. Just the past couple of weeks she is trying to get back more control. I have been trying to teach her how and what she needs to eat one day a week without shake and I guess I just need to keep the shake at this point because she needs it. She grew without gaining so that means she lost weight. I see behaviors back and I’m going to have some fighting to do to get back to where we were because of my mistake. That explains her wanting to get rid of the shake also.  I could just kick myself. She is so happy on the non shake days and she has been eating really good things with gusto. Past fear foods, fattening foods without checking caloric content and all which had me fooled that maybe we were getting to a better place 😞 I may have slightly let my guard down because I’m also dealing with my husbands health problems as well. 
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Scarlett81
Hi Frazzled.
We're ìn a similar position. No weight gain for a couple of months but grown a couple of cm.  We too have decided to up the calories and keep a high level of control.  

I think trust your instincts.  You know what the ED voice sounds like in your house and if you're hearing it then kick it out!

Good luck, let us know how it goes xxx
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ValentinaGermania
Frazzled wrote:
Thanks for everyone’s advice. I feel like I’m fighting the demon again. Just the past couple of weeks she is trying to get back more control. I have been trying to teach her how and what she needs to eat one day a week without shake and I guess I just need to keep the shake at this point because she needs it. She grew without gaining so that means she lost weight. I see behaviors back and I’m going to have some fighting to do to get back to where we were because of my mistake. That explains her wanting to get rid of the shake also.  I could just kick myself. She is so happy on the non shake days and she has been eating really good things with gusto. Past fear foods, fattening foods without checking caloric content and all which had me fooled that maybe we were getting to a better place 😞 I may have slightly let my guard down because I’m also dealing with my husbands health problems as well. 
Frazzled wrote:
Thanks for everyone’s advice. I feel like I’m fighting the demon again. Just the past couple of weeks she is trying to get back more control. I have been trying to teach her how and what she needs to eat one day a week without shake and I guess I just need to keep the shake at this point because she needs it. She grew without gaining so that means she lost weight. I see behaviors back and I’m going to have some fighting to do to get back to where we were because of my mistake. That explains her wanting to get rid of the shake also.  I could just kick myself. She is so happy on the non shake days and she has been eating really good things with gusto. Past fear foods, fattening foods without checking caloric content and all which had me fooled that maybe we were getting to a better place 😞 I may have slightly let my guard down because I’m also dealing with my husbands health problems as well. 


Do not blame yourself for anything, Frazzled. It is a rollercoaster and recovery takes year. It is a learning process and there are 2 steps forward and one step back.
She needs to grow and needs more food and you are always behind that process until she is grown out. But then it will settle and get better.
Look forward and not back, you cannot change the past but the future!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
Yes, keep going and bumping out the calories. You probably have a whole array of tips what dishes to sneak calories into. Maybe also increase the portions by a smidgen, she may not notice at first. Just a thought  -  maybe alternate the flavours of the shake?

I, too thought WR was enough - but soon found that way more was needed!  Didn't stop until periods came back.  We actually said that until they returned, we are to remain in charge of all meals.

Deep breaths and here we go again 👍. Try to get some rest in between, to recharge 🏋️‍♀️.

Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Enn

Just a note: even though periods are a good marker for getting back to health, when they come back it is not a reason to cut back on the nutrition. Some kids had their periods even though they were still very ill. Recovery is not just the physical, it is the whole package, body AND mind. 
Even though my d had her periods back at WR I have been in charge to this day. 2 years since periods started and 2 years and 8 months after diagnosis. 

Frazzled, you will get back on track with d. This happens a lot even without the added stressors you have at the moment. Right now you are juggling so many balls in the air! It is of course a huge stress for all of you, your h's illness and d's ED. 
I hope you have support for yourself on the ground as well. 
Sending a hug and support!


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Frazzled

Thanks for your awesome advice and support!  Too many emotions yesterday but I’m feeling better about things today. I appreciate all of your kind words.  My D has been giving me some ideas on what she would like to eat.  She has been eating around 2,500 calories and I’m bumping her up to 3,000 to 3,500. For some reason when she has to have the shake she will not eat the things she wants to eat (as seen in pic below). With the shake she wants to stick with simpler food. Is there any way that you can see this working without the shake and still getting 3,000 to 3,500 calories? Sorry if this is a bit confusing. 

This is the list she just handed to me: 
063490A8-B6A1-439E-B066-71341E0C5777.jpeg 

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Enn
So her not wanting to eat more on shake days is ED.  Unless you make the shake at least 1000 cal then she may be able to stick to the safer foods, but that will need to be challenged as  well over time. I know you are aware. 
Are  you able to add on extra calories via oil butter cream to what she is eating as well. 
I hope you are frying the meats and adding butter to any sandwich on both side as well as the toppings/fillings.
rice can be fried a bit first for toasting and you can cook in coconut milk. It is high calories and tastes very nice.
adding cream to the yogurt as well.

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Frazzled
Yes, I am aware that it is ED. I am just very scared to confront it again at this point with all going on. I am able to add extras into everything. I guess I just need some motivation to kick start this into action. I am fearful that I will make her not want to eat anything again. That is the problem right now that the shake is taking up too many of her calories during the day and I would like to cut it down and replace it with food. I just have to do it and get it over with. 
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MKR
Hi Frazzled,

I like your food diary. Sounds yum!

At first glance, when she has a salad, what are the carbs?  If she is having lunch at home, can the lunch include crackers, garlic bread or a muesli bar?

(I can see my daughter picking out crispy noodles out of her salad ("It's just flour and fat, eeww!"). Or mopping up dressing with a serviette.)

If carbs like a sprinkling of crispy noodles or orzo pasta, or even pasta shapes are not an option, maybe put more feta? Or fry the chicken coated in flour first?  It will be brown and look like hardened protein from the meat.

I also found a bit of garlic makes one eat more. 

Now, if she is having lunch away from school, you have to be more sneaky and make carbs invisible.  Coat in a bit of gravy, make a transparent dressing. 

All the best, you are on the right track!
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Torie
I'm a little confused about the shake, so this might not make sense (in which case, just ignore this post).  Some have found that if you wake up ED-d at least an hour before normal wake-up time with shake in hand, "Here, drink this and then you can roll over and go back to sleep" the shake goes down much easier.  It is as though ED doesn't wake up in time to cause a problem.

THinking of you. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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