F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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peacelily
I feel like we're making progress again. She no longer wants to be vegan and happily eating her usual meals, She's accepting no longer knowing her weight and being okay with whatever weight her body wants to be.
But one thing that has been a common thread since we started re-feeding months ago. Between her usual meals and snacks her mood goes back to being foul, She gets anxious, Aggressive. Basically how she was 90% of the time during restriction. Then she eats again and is fine for another few hours. Her meals are spaced 2-4 hours apart, and she gets 2,000+ calories a day. So I don't quite understand why this keeps happening. Does she need more calories, Is it anxiety over the next meal, Is it just her body leveling out and it'll go away  eventually? It's been especially bad lately and We're on the low end of her healthy weight range again(Amazing how quickly they can lose a few pounds by accident) maybe that's affecting it to?
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deenl
Hi peacelily,

Could be an extinction burst. Type it into the search box on the top left of the screen in the Main Discussion Board.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly gaining at home, seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight. 2020 Off to university, healthy and happy.
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Torie
peacelily wrote:
Between her usual meals and snacks her mood goes back to being foul, She gets anxious, Aggressive.


Wow - Sounds like my husband! (Kidding, sort of.) I actually think that's a very positive sign - sounds like she is HUNGRY. Does it make sense to try feeding her more, and more often? xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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rosalind50
Can totally sympathise with you as I have the same problem! Good to know someone else is in the same boat and hopefully we will both get through to the other side. The only time I feel my D is happy is when she is eating (can't believe I am actually saying that!!) She literally lives for each meal/snack now. In the early days of refeeding it was the opposite and she dreaded every meal. She is eating what I feel is quite a lot although I have stopped counting calories. Now WR but I am keeping on going as I think she needs more weight to improve her mood although shes still hung up on a lower weight ED thinks she should be. Does anyone else have this issue with being hungry all the time and does it subside?
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Psycho_Mom
Hi,

Well, I don't know your d's stats but 2000 cals isn't a lot for someone recovering from AN. 2000 cals is considered the standard normal average amount for a US adult, but there's a new study (can't find right now) that posits that that number is wrong and too low!! In any case, growing young people need more, those recovering from AN need elevated calories and lots of lipids for 6 to 18 months or longer after wr. 

The best and only way to find out if she needs more is to give her more. You may be finding out that her range is too low. Also, have a look at the balance of her meals and snacks, too: is there protein, lipids, carb in each?

best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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peacelily
She's nearly 18, almost 5'2(Like 5,1.75) and fluctuates between 124-129(High normal weight like when she was younger). I had suspicions she needed more then just 2000 for maintenance but I started lower thinking we could always add more. And I think I got my answer. Today she's been in a super good place and was able to eat intuitivly, Had her usual portion of chocolate oatmeal she said she was still hungry after eating and grabbed a banana, Then 30mins before her normal lunchtime the Amazon order came, I was sidetracked for a while and when I found her she had opened the box and was eating several coconut lemon cookies out of the package I bought for her snacks and she told me not to worry about eating desserts first that bread was toasting for her sandwich. I checked and sure enough she told the truth, plus had all the high calorie sandwich fixings out already to make it herself because she got hungry.
I'm extremely pround and excited this happened today, She's clearly been hungerier then she has led me to believe and has been in the best mood all day. Hopeful I can encourage her to eat more when she's hungry instead of feeling like she can only eat what I give her/at certain times
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Psycho_Mom
Yes, awesome!!

I'm going to repeat tho that esp because she's having mood swings it might be a good idea to make sure she has BALANCED meals and snacks, and definitely protein with each. High carb meals like oatmeal and snacks like cookies are great with protein and other things but on their own can lead to sugar lows.

best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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peacelily
That's something we struggle with. I guess because she will eat sugary things so readily I let her because at-least she's eating something. I put high fat content milk(Around 4-5%) in her oatmeal and she usually drinks that milk with her cookies too. But I know that probably still isn't enough, She's always been a bit iffy on proteins and periodically refuses to eat any meat [frown]
This morning we had eggs, Sausage, toast with butter with a bowl of cherries. We'll see if this helps
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Psycho_Mom
Hi,

Totally get the logic, and I woulnd't try to have her cut back on sugary things, just add protein to go with them. At a calm time, you could explain that a balanced diet will help with her mood swings/help her feel better more of the time? 

And then, how about nuts? There's all different kinds of nut butters now, and they go great on a little something sweet. And/or tofu products? Protein powder in a smoothie? High protein bars? High protein grains like quinoa?

Also, if you can get her to have more whole grain things that would likely help (again, not cutting back on any foods but adding different foods). Whole grains, brown bread, etc, tend to digest more slowly and keep  blood sugar more level. When I bake stuff at home I use half brown and half white flour. (All white flour isn't as healthy, but all brown flour tastes yucky! Moderation and balance in all things!)

I'm not a doctor, but considering the mood swings and the irregular eating and the tendency towards sweet things, I'd be concerned that your d might be heading towards binging. About 30-50% (somebody correct me if that stat is wrong) of restricting eating disorders morph into BPD. And that is something you definitely want to head off if you possibly can!

Have you considered doing Magic Plate? That is when the caregiver temporarily takes over all decisions regarding food, serves what the sufferer needs and requires that it is eaten. IT's not easy, esp with older teen, but it is definitely possible; many on here have done it.

best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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peacelily
We do some variation on magic plate because I still don't trust her enough to cook her own meals right now, But I did let her pick her own snacks which I'm beginning to think it was too soon for that.
As an update for the last few days we've been sitting around 2,500 calories more or less with balanced meals and snacks. She suddenly is doing very well again, She's been happy Doing little handicraft projects again(Learning to sew!), Has lots of energy to go on short bike rides for fun not to burn extra(I make sure she eats more after them). So I really think she wasn't eating enough or enough of the right things. I'm just glad we're able to fix it and the mood swings aren't permanent
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Psycho_Mom
Hi,

That's great !! Now you know what works for her. It is not unusual for it to take a REALLY long time for a sufferer to be able to serve themselves what they need, tho. So that your d can't do it for herself yet isn't surprising. I always called what I'm doing "supporting" my d's health, rather than "controlling" her food intake or something. It makes it easier for the sufferer to take, and makes it not confrontational or a mater or pride or anything. Your d just needs help to make good choices, so you're helping her make good choices. Good job!!

Since balance and protein seem to be so important, you may need to widen her range of proteins. This is called challenging fear foods, and how I did it with my d was to say something like "Look, eating as wide variety of foods as possible will give you your best chance at recovering from this illness. So you need to eat, in moderation, all foods (except any she was allergic to or to a very short list of things she never did like). Reintroducing some of these foods might be hard at first, so how do you want to do it? WE could do one a day, and you could choose from a list or would it be easier if I didn't discuss it with you but just served one new thing with dinner every night?" Anyway the point being that your d can have input into HOW foods are reintroduced, but not WHETHER.

you're doing great,

best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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