F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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blehbleh
Hi, everyone. I've been lurking here since January since my 11 year old daughter was hospitalized with anorexia. We don't think she had been restricting for very long, but she was already thin and so it didn't take long before she was in serious danger.  We are 9 weeks into refeeding. 

Prior to getting sick, she was in the 25th percentile for BMI.  She has always been tall (75th percentile for height) and thin compared to others her age (our entire family is this way).  She has now surpassed the target weight set by her medical team, which puts her in the 40th percentile for BMI.  Our nutritionist says that her target weight should be 2-3 lbs more, or around 50th percentile BMI, to give her a bit of a cushion and also because she is entering puberty and would naturally have started increasing her fat stores.  Is that what others have heard?  Is it normal for a kid's BMI to go from 25th percentile to 50th percentile because of puberty?  Her doctors think she is about a year away from getting her period.  I never went through a major "blossom" where I suddenly gained weight and got big boobs; I gradually went from stick-skinny in middle school to normal but thin into adulthood.

Our daughter's state is still very ill.  We are plating and supervising all meals and snacks (she's back at school but comes home for lunch).  Although she eats what we put in front of her within a normal time frame, she does not eat a morsel more than required and is constantly trying to negotiate to eat less.  She still has rages although they are getting fewer and farther between.  She won't eat sweets or creamy foods yet (we end up giving her Ensure).  She has a very hard time with getting weighed and knowing that she is gaining weight, saying that she will never be able to be good at soccer or running if she is a "big fatty."  She is very athletic and plays competitive soccer, lacrosse, cross country, and skiing (all of which have stopped), and I think underfueling for sports was a major contributor to her slide into ED.

I know that most of the folks here say that the focus should be on state, not weight, and many have said that they needed to go above target weights in order to see an improvement in state.  Do you think it was truly the additional weight that helped your child's state, or was it just giving it more time at a healthy weight?  Does the fact that our daughter is still showing lots of ED behaviors necessarily mean she needs more weight, or could it just be early days and she needs more time for brain healing?? 

And lastly - our FBT is making zero progress with our daughter.  We still don't know what precipitated the restricting...she says it wasn't intentional, she just wasn't hungry.  But clearly she is afraid of getting fat, unhealthy, and lazy.  She also has social anxiety which was exacerbated by ED.  None of these things have even begun to be addressed by our FBT.  Our daughter can't stand the T.  T just says platitudes like "this is so hard for all of you but you're doing great" for an hour.  She also does open weighing and celebrates weight gains and makes comments about how much food our daughter is eating "that must be so hard, that's a lot of food."  I am getting frustrated at the lack of progress and am considering switching therapists.  Thoughts?

Sorry for the ramble...need some support from the community.  Welcoming any and all suggestions at this point!  xo
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scaredmom
Hello blehbleh,
I welcome you to the forum. I hope you get the support and information you need.
As for your questions:
"Is that what others have heard?  Is it normal for a kid's BMI to go from 25th percentile to 50th percentile because of puberty? " I think my D was in the 25th percentile prior to ED. We did not have growth charts for her since age 5 and she was diagnosed at 11 too. Well I can tell you she got her period at 50th percentile but some girls won't and some will still get periods at very low weights. It is part of recovery and not all of it. 

Most of our kids are perfectionists, great students and athletes. 

" I know that most of the folks here say that the focus should be on state, not weight, and many have said that they needed to go above target weights in order to see an improvement in state.  Do you think it was truly the additional weight that helped your child's state, or was it just giving it more time at a healthy weight?  Does the fact that our daughter is still showing lots of ED behaviors necessarily mean she needs more weight, or could it just be early days and she needs more time for brain healing?? "
My D's goal WR was set at the 40% and she was not really better then it was at 50% plus I saw her brain get better. I know many here have found that when their child got to a good weight and then lost weight their state got worse. There is a video around about state vs weight. I will find it and post for you. 

I think at this stage the therapist is there for YOU to help you feed your child and support her. Your D cannot engage with a therapist. I used the FBT team to weight D only and I would use them to support my efforts to get the weight on. It is biological and it is not that she chose this at all, so please don't worry about finding the "reason or root cause". 

For the therapist to say it is hard and that is too much food!!! Unbelievable. Have a discussion alone with the therapist and discuss that she should be supporting and not adding to the fear of weight gain with AN! That is truly counterintuitive!! WRONG. 

Many have insisted on blind weights. We still do that at 2 years and doing well. To celebrate openly the weight gain may backfire for you when you get her home and try to feed her. Please have them stop that. YES switch therapist!! But talk to the new one first and ensure you are comfortable with them and that they will support what YOU decide to do and not them! You are the boss and need to keep it that way. 

Please ask all the questions you have. We love questions.

XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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scaredmom
Here is the video



XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
blehbleh wrote:
Hi, everyone. I've been lurking here since January since my 11 year old daughter was hospitalized with anorexia. We don't think she had been restricting for very long, but she was already thin and so it didn't take long before she was in serious danger.  We are 9 weeks into refeeding. 


A very warm welcome from Germany and so great that you found us here!

blehbleh wrote:
Prior to getting sick, she was in the 25th percentile for BMI.  She has always been tall (75th percentile for height) and thin compared to others her age (our entire family is this way).  She has now surpassed the target weight set by her medical team, which puts her in the 40th percentile for BMI.  Our nutritionist says that her target weight should be 2-3 lbs more, or around 50th percentile BMI, to give her a bit of a cushion and also because she is entering puberty and would naturally have started increasing her fat stores.  Is that what others have heard?  Is it normal for a kid's BMI to go from 25th percentile to 50th percentile because of puberty?  Her doctors think she is about a year away from getting her period.  I never went through a major "blossom" where I suddenly gained weight and got big boobs; I gradually went from stick-skinny in middle school to normal but thin into adulthood.


BMI is not a good measure line for tall people. If she has always been 75th percentile for growth and 25th for weight it is very possible that she was ALWAYS too thin for her high before. No target weights for a growing child, that is senseless. Feed her until you see a change in mood and behaviour. State, not weight. She will need to gain weight until her mid 20s so no target number is limit now.
It is normal that they need to overshoot what they have weighed before in recovery. And you cannot compare your figure to hers. You might have been skinny and are still thin and feel well because you are healthy. Your d has a gen defect and a biochemical disease and she might need to get anyother figure than you have. It would be comparable with diabetes: you cannot say "I had never problems with eating sugar" when she has diabetes it is different for her.

blehbleh wrote:
Our daughter's state is still very ill.  We are plating and supervising all meals and snacks (she's back at school but comes home for lunch).  Although she eats what we put in front of her within a normal time frame, she does not eat a morsel more than required and is constantly trying to negotiate to eat less.  She still has rages although they are getting fewer and farther between.  She won't eat sweets or creamy foods yet (we end up giving her Ensure).  She has a very hard time with getting weighed and knowing that she is gaining weight, saying that she will never be able to be good at soccer or running if she is a "big fatty."  She is very athletic and plays competitive soccer, lacrosse, cross country, and skiing (all of which have stopped), and I think underfueling for sports was a major contributor to her slide into ED.


You are VERY early days in refeeding and to give you a time line I still wait for my d to snack things in between 2 years in recovery. It is normal that she does not want to eat a bit more than needed at that state and that will only get better by time and weight gain. Also the rages. Try to stay calm and not negotiate about anything and just feed her back to a healthy weight for her body. Looks like she is not there at the moment.
If she does not eat sweets or creamy foods that is something you need to work on. We call that fear food here. Make a list what things she ate before ED started and what a normal kid of her age would eat (are there siblings to compare? friends?) and work on that. She must be able to eat without any restrictions.
Does she eat enough fats? Enough glucose? We saw a change when we made sure that 30% of calorie intake was fat (which is a lot at 3000) but the brain needs a lot of fat and glucose to work and to recovery.
It is also normal that the weight gain goes to the tummy first and then will go to the rest of the body. She does not need to like that new body at the moment but she will get used to it and she will not think about it any more whem brain recovery starts.

blehbleh wrote:
I know that most of the folks here say that the focus should be on state, not weight, and many have said that they needed to go above target weights in order to see an improvement in state.  Do you think it was truly the additional weight that helped your child's state, or was it just giving it more time at a healthy weight?  Does the fact that our daughter is still showing lots of ED behaviors necessarily mean she needs more weight, or could it just be early days and she needs more time for brain healing?? 


Both. The brain recovery starts at some time having a good weight but it will not start before getting there. A 11 year old child needs to grow and develop a female body so needs to gain weight every year. There is no possibility to maintain a weight for longer at that age.
My d was grown out when she got sick (to be honest nearly grown out, she surprisingly grew another 1,5 cm in refeeding at age 18). We refed her to the target the "professionals" had set and waited about 2 months and nothing happened. Then we added another 1-2kg due to the good advice here and suddenly something changed. Not within a day or week but constantly.
You will see it when her behaviour changes.

blehbleh wrote:
And lastly - our FBT is making zero progress with our daughter.  We still don't know what precipitated the restricting...she says it wasn't intentional, she just wasn't hungry.  But clearly she is afraid of getting fat, unhealthy, and lazy.  She also has social anxiety which was exacerbated by ED.  None of these things have even begun to be addressed by our FBT.  Our daughter can't stand the T.  T just says platitudes like "this is so hard for all of you but you're doing great" for an hour.  She also does open weighing and celebrates weight gains and makes comments about how much food our daughter is eating "that must be so hard, that's a lot of food."  I am getting frustrated at the lack of progress and am considering switching therapists.  Thoughts?


The FBT therapist is mostly for you to help you to get in charge. There is no therapy needed for most children as AN is no psychological disease but a biochemical disease and there are no things that are "underlying issues" for her starting the disease. In most cases it is started by a diet, overexercise or start to vomit.

blehbleh wrote:
Sorry for the ramble...need some support from the community.  Welcoming any and all suggestions at this point!  xo


No need to say sorry for any rambling here, that is the right place to do that. You are not alone, we have been in your shoes and we can help you.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
Tina72 wrote:
The FBT therapist is mostly for you to help you to get in charge. There is no therapy needed for most children as AN is no psychological disease but a biochemical disease and there are no things that are "underlying issues" for her starting the disease. In most cases it is started by a diet, overexercise or start to vomit.


Although I agree that FBT is mostly for the therapist to help you get in charge, I have to disagree that no therapy is needed for most children with AN. Although some children do recover without therapy, many children (even possibly most) don't recover with weight gain alone. We cannot and should not assume that all will get better with enough weight. We don't need to know necessarily why they got ill but they do sometimes need to learn new strategies for dealing with all sorts of issue. 60% of children have a pre-existing anxiety disorder. These need to be worked on to help avoid relapse. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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tina72
You are right, Foodsupport, I did write that too short and it is misunderstanding. Sorry for that. I meant that many kids do not need FBT therapist for meal therapy, some do CBT later or some anxiety therapy but a lot of do not need any therapy with because often most ED problems are solved with weight gain and time.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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blehbleh
Our daughter does have anxiety (mostly social) and I am ready for the T to start working with her to help her in that area but perhaps it's too soon.  I also expected for the T to give us some tools around attacking fear foods.  tina72, I hear you that most ED problems resolve with weight gain and time, but I also have been told that I should not delay on attacking fear foods - the sooner the better, is what our nutritionist tells me.  But I don't know how to do it, or which ones to start with, or how often.

Interesting to hear that FBT is mainly for me as caregiver, because our FBT therapist sent me to a separate therapist so I would have someone to talk to!  So while it's nice to be able to vent without my daughter around, I can't help but wonder why we are going to FBT if my daughter is unable to participate and I'm getting support elsewhere?!  And now I have yet another appointment to go to in addition to grocery shopping, meal planning, cooking, helping my daughter with the meals and cleaning up afterwards!

Our T is FBT and Maudsley trained, but her approach has been so different than what I expected after reading here.  She says this is a trauma and our daughter could benefit from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), not now but later when her body and brain have healed.  I'm just really not reassured by anything T is doing right now.
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scaredmom

Yes you can tackle fear foods anytime. For my D, most foods were fear foods, so just to feed her properly most foods at the beginning were fear foods. 

May I ask what you mean by "She says this is a trauma"??

Keep asking questions. We want to help in anyway we can.
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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cm72
I often think that we do not need the therapy but then when we go (every Thursday) we always leave feeling refreshed and ready to continue the next week. My daughter (age 11) also suffers from social anxiety. She has cut off every friendship except for one and the girl doesn't even live in the state. The therapist is using CBT to help my daughter examine her way of thinking. I have often learned a great deal as well about the way my daughter is thinking in these meetings. For example, she currently views American foods as all bad and unhealthy since so many Americans are overweight. I never knew that was why she wasn't eating pizza, hamburgers or tacos. The therapist helped her see that these foods are actually from other places! Plus the therapist has given us great homework that my daughter has complied with. 
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scaredmom
Some have laddered fear foods starting with the least scary and moving up. There are so many ways to do this. Flooding which I think we did (in retrospect) and laddering. You can do a combination of both too. It is not a set thing. What are her fear foods, we can help support your efforts to move forward.

I think it depends on your child. Some gave one bite of the FF with the meal, then added more and more over time until they ate a proper serving. Some just gave the food (we did that) and expected her to eat. It helped us to tell D that we needed to "Do ice cream this week" she would say, OK we will do in two days and she knew it was coming and ate it. We did not have a lot of fights on that. But I recall a bad fight about chicken pie and I gave it once and she did not eat it and plated it a few times that night (she ate a different meal that night) and then a week or so later I told her she would have it and it was safe and she ate it. (It was not that easy really, just looks like it when written down).


https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/fear-foods-9869022?highlight=fear+foods&pid=1306503796

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/fears-foods-how-do-i-tackle-them-9688719?highlight=fear+foods&pid=1303668931

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/flooding-9901307?highlight=laddering+flooding&pid=1306007789

XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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HopeNZ
Blehbleh, can you ask your FBT T to clarify her role and therefore what you can expect from her? You probably know that there are three main stages to FBT (assuming it's done according to the manual) and the FBT therapist's role is quite different in each stage. We've been fortunate to have a wonderful T who has been very clear about what she can offer at each stage but whose role in my d's journey has evolved according to our family's needs.

Stage 1, refeeding, involved very practical problem solving around mealtimes, keeping everyone safe, anxiety management, maximising calorie footprint etc. While T was great at giving me space to unload, she pointed me in the direction of my GP or other options for my own therapy. Apart from being weighed, d barely needed to be at FBT sessions at this point. 

Stage 2 was when T really came into her own, as my d became angry and resentful towards me and our relationship took a huge nosedive (😟) so our T moderated between us as we did the stage 2 dance of my d gradually taking back responsibility for choosing snacks etc while maintaining her weight. My d has had great difficulty talking about anything to do with her illness but our T would not let her get away with pretending none of it had happened. T continues to negotiate territory my d is prepared to discuss with her even when she won't discuss it with anyone else. 
Much of this seems to be around understanding the illness and what is required for recovery. 

As as we approach a transition towards Stage 3, T is doing more active CBT-type counselling with my d to develop positive coping strategies and help her identify and manage her triggers. 

If your T turns out to be a dud please get a new one!  But I really encourage you to stick with the FBT model. 

Good luck! Let us know how it goes. 

Warmly
Hope
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mamabear
Hello! 
My daughter was diagnosed at 10.5 in the fall of 2010.She is now almost 19. She is about to finish her first year of college 8 hours from home in a very full and solid recovery. 

We fed fast and furiojsly and chose the “ rip the bandaid” off approach to fear foods. That meant anything that she ate pre-ed was fair game. Was it hardcore? Of course. But everything was and frankly,we decided we would rather go through the extreme anxiety for a short amount of time than repeating with every added fear food .I have zero regrets. 

After getting the initial 25 pounds on my d she started to grow and make up for lost time. She grew nearly 9 inches and went through full puberty over the next couple of years. Her weight was a constant moving target. We did not have any growth charts and frankly I’m glad- because we just fed her. We fed her and fed her for years. Don’t be surprised if your daughters caloric needs rise. This is very common in this age group. My d needed 6000 cals a day from 11-13.5. And then a gradual adjusting. It’s not uncommon for them to need 4000 plus a day. We also fed my daughter a TON of fats. 

My d doesn’t remember a lot from the early days of refeeding. But she does remember feeling very RELIEVED when we took control of ALL food decisions. We also slept with her for a year to keep her safe from ED forcing her to exercise. I sat outside of the bathroom and shower and had her talk to me. 

It took a solid 3 years to get to a point where my D was able to eat independently and eat “ extra” “ just because”. Then it took a couple more years of dolphin parenting ( stepping in here and there if we saw ANY tiny ed anything) to get her to full independence. 

It is a long road.... but recovery is worth it. There were many times I thought I’d never get my kid back- but she was in there all along. She just sent me a picture of her and her girlfriend in bikinis on spring break! 

Dont listen to ED. Don’t be afraid of what ED is afraid of. Remember all professionals are not created equal. We basically did this on our own without a “ team”. We didn’t have a therapist or dietician or psychiatrist. But my d had no-comorbids. Pretty nuts considering the place we took her to initially called her psychotic with possible schizophrenia. She had anorexia. I talk to a lot of parents across the country. If you ever want to talk on the phone or email- I’m here. 

You can do this ! 
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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HopeNZ
I recommend a great little book (you can read it in an hour!) called Survive FBT: skills manual for parents undertaking FBT for child and adolescent anorexia nervosa by Maria Ganci. H and I found it excellent as an overview of AN, what our d was experiencing, what we needed to do, and how. Very practical and easy to refer to when that brain fog and exhaustion sets in!
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mamabear
Lauren Mulheim’s new book is INCREDIBLE. It’s the new FBT parent guidebook bible. Super easy to read and awesome. 
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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mamabear
Agreed. 
My D has now over doubled her body weight at diagnosis. 
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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blehbleh
Mimi321, I think our daughter’s slide into ED was accidental. She has never expressed any body image concerns, is not on social media, and has limited exposure to TV and the internet in general. Not that we are puritans or angel parents - hardly! my boys are completely addicted to screens! - but our daughter has never been interested in it.  She is a tomboy and is too busy climbing trees, playing sports, camping in the backyard, etc to be spending time on social media. I think she was underfueled for how active she is, and combined with her perfectionist tendencies, she became very ill quickly. Of course, this will change as she enters her teens and she will probably think more about what she looks like and compare herself to others. Another reason why I want to give her the tools to deal with social anxiety soon.  

scaredmom, I think the T was trying to say that one day, our daughter will look back and recognize what a traumatic experience this was, and possibly she could benefit from EMDR as a treatment for post traumatic stress.  I’ve read the posts here about that particular treatment and it sounds like it has been beneficial for some, and particularly those who had a significant traumatic event which precipitated the ED. I don’t think that applies in our case so I don’t know why the T even mentioned it at all, much less this early in the process. 

mamabear, my hat is off to you. 6000 calories a day?!!  We are at 3100 and it is so hard without shakes or nut butters (my daughter has never liked them) or sweets. Tackling fear foods is next for us. Have you posted somewhere your typical meals and snacks each day? I’d love to see it.

Thanks all for the replies. I read Lauren Mulheim’s book when my daughter was in the hospital, but probably would benefit from rereading it now that we’re in a different phase. And I’ll be tucking in to the FBT book tonight!
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tina72
blehbleh wrote:
Our daughter does have anxiety (mostly social) and I am ready for the T to start working with her to help her in that area but perhaps it's too soon.  I also expected for the T to give us some tools around attacking fear foods.  tina72, I hear you that most ED problems resolve with weight gain and time, but I also have been told that I should not delay on attacking fear foods - the sooner the better, is what our nutritionist tells me.  But I don't know how to do it, or which ones to start with, or how often.


We did the laddered approach with fear food. Our FBT therapist asked us to rip the band aid off first and to offer her 2 items she does NOT want to eat each week but that was too much for her. So we made a fear food list with 3 blocks: 1) I can eat that without any problems 2) I will try to eat that in the next weeks 3) I cannot imagine to eat that again at the moment. There had to be at least 10 items in Nr. 2.
Every Sunday was fear food day here. She was allowed to chose one item from Nr. 2 (because she used that to tell us between the lines what she wanted to eat). We served that and did it again in the following week and then it went to Nr. 1 and an item from Nr. 3 went to the space in Nr. 2. Do you understand what I mean? It is a bit hard to explain for me as English is not my mother tongue...
It took about a year to work down our fear food list, last and hardest was Mc D. Looking back I would habe 2 fear food days a week to make it faster.
My d was also anxious before ED, it is part of her character but today I think she is less anxious as most of her life before. We now tackle all other things like fear food by exposition.

blehbleh wrote:
Interesting to hear that FBT is mainly for me as caregiver, because our FBT therapist sent me to a separate therapist so I would have someone to talk to!  So while it's nice to be able to vent without my daughter around, I can't help but wonder why we are going to FBT if my daughter is unable to participate and I'm getting support elsewhere?!  And now I have yet another appointment to go to in addition to grocery shopping, meal planning, cooking, helping my daughter with the meals and cleaning up afterwards!


We had the appointments split: most hours we talked to the FBT therapist alone and some hours she spend with my d telling our d that we are in charge and know what to do (although we did not feel that way!). If that additional appointment does not help you, then leave it!

blehbleh wrote:
Our T is FBT and Maudsley trained, but her approach has been so different than what I expected after reading here.  She says this is a trauma and our daughter could benefit from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), not now but later when her body and brain have healed.  I'm just really not reassured by anything T is doing right now.


As always there are good ones and less good ones. What does she mean with "this is a trauma"? What does she talk about with your d? Does she help you with refeeding and ideas what to cook and serve? If you think you do not benefit from that therapist, can you think about looking for another FBT therapist in your region or is that the only one?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
Oh now I understand about the trauma bit. Many of our kids don’t remember the bad early times. My d has not felt traumatized. She has anxiety and is on meds and doing quite well. 
Now the  trauma happened to me! And I did EMDR a few times. It did help to lessen the emotions of the past a bit.
My d did not have body dysmorphia. She just wanted to be “healthy” and the fastest and the smartest and the one with the most control! I think once she lost the weight at first the brain did a flip and ED took over.

So yucky all this ED!
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
Ah, I did not see that you posted a reply to that "trauma" question.

In our case my d does not have any trauma because she does not remember most of the things she said and did in the early days. Only thing that bothers her until today is that she still feels a bit "guilty" about what she did to us and to her body. But I would not speak about "trauma".
The parents often have more problems to get over these traumatic experiences than the kids. They cannot forget what happened.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mamaroo
Hi, it does take some time to see an improvement in state. We were only offered some psychological sessions (by our hospital team) 6 months after WR. Not before because a lot of issues are ED related and goes away with brain healing. She went 2 or 3 times and then the psychologist said she couldn't find any issues to sort out. 
Another thing to keep in minds it that they have a high metabolism for a very long time, so they need more calories for a very long time than someone who was never sick. My d's metabolism only started to go down 1 year after her period started. She still needs more than we do, but is able to thrive of 5 meals and snacks a day instead of 6.   
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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evamusby_UK

Blehbleh, you have done so well in just 9 weeks! I'm glad you're asking those very useful questions as they're highly relevant to just about everybody.

One detail about your BMI question, is whether your child's growth might have got stunted while she was undernourished. It's great that the therapist is using your daughter's personal BMI curve, rather than saying she must be at some generic xx BMI. But as BMI includes height, watch out that you're not all calculating BMI based on a current, stunted height. The easiest way to avoid this type of error is to look at weight curves (and then the aim is to get back to a generous historical weight percentile) and height curves (to see if there has been some stunting, and then you'd assume the body needs a boost for growth).

It's a good question, whether more weight gain is the answer, or time and more work exposing to fear foods, for instance. I believe that the experts get to a stage where they think the weight might be right, so they give it a little time (a few weeks?), and if there's no improvement in 'state', then they try more weight. One could argue, why go so cautiously (and prolong the awful moods): if you have a good momentum with refeeding and weight gain, use it. If it turns out that more weight was the answer, then you'll all get relief sooner. And if you later suspect that more weight was not necessary, your child will grow into it anyway. 

Putting aside all the reasons you don't like this therapist, which I can see are painful, may I say you are fortunate to have a therapist who is pushing for more weight. Most of us have had the wind cut out of our sails by the opposite: a low weight target is announced, and it's hard to get our kids to go any higher. 

Parents reading this whose child is in recovery: please participate in a current survey to help some great scientists find out more about this very question: http://bit.ly/ParentSurveyOfRecovery

Eva Musby, mother, author, produces lots of resources for parents at https://anorexiafamily.com and on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/EvaMusby/playlists
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Hope2019
@mamabear: I would like to email or chat you privately for advises for my s, I could not find your email in the forum, could you send me your contacts? 
12 years son, diagnosed AN 03/18, ip one week, residential 5 weeks, IOP 7 weeks, doing FBT since 11/18.
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deenl
Hope2019 wrote:
@mamabear: I would like to email or chat you privately for advises for my s, I could not find your email in the forum, could you send me your contacts? 


Hi Hope,

It seems that the emails are not visible if you are using your phone. They are visible when you use a laptop or computer. I have just checked on my laptop and confirmed that mamabear's email is visible. Are you able to log in on a laptop or computer?

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Hope2019
Hi, deenl, I tried from laptop and iPad, mamabear's email is not visible at all devices.
mamabear: Could you email me your contacts? 
12 years son, diagnosed AN 03/18, ip one week, residential 5 weeks, IOP 7 weeks, doing FBT since 11/18.
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scaredmom
Hope2019,
You will not see an actual email. You will see an orange "Email with orange arrow."

XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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