F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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AMann

This is my first post. I am running out of options. Need help.

 

16 yr daughter. First diagnosed 9/2018. Had been restricting for 6+months. 5’2 89 lbs. Hospital stay 10 days. Critical vitals. Res one week. Back to hospital 10 more days.

Back to Res 45 days. Restored weight 85%. Still no motivation or interest in getting better. Depression severe. DC to PHP/then IOP. All DC too early. She immediately began hiding and lying about food.

Lost 12 pounds in 3W. Back to Res (4th week) but getting DC bc of insurance. Already paid OOP for Res/PHP days. Changed meds twice.

No weight gain in 4 weeks. History of self harm. Eating 50% solids and refusing sup/some. Trying to get her into Behavioral Health Hosp w ED wing. That is only to push weight on.

Can’t bring her home. Fearful of level of depression. PHP program not helpful. Just babysitting really.

Running out of options. She needs something more consistent and long term I think. We are in Northern California.

No progress at all in 5 months.

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scaredmom

Hi AMann,
I welcome you to the forum. I hope you get the support and information you need to help your D.
I have a few questions for you.
1) Are you feeding her at home?
2) How well is that going?
3) where are the issues now?
4) Do you have an ED team to help you now that she will be discharged?
5) Do you have incentives for her to eat at home?
6) What does she eat? We can help to increase the calories.

You say she has not motivation or interest in getting better. This is part of the illness. 
Here is a link 
https://www.feast-ed.org/is-it-denial-or-anosognosia/

She cannot help herself to be motivated, unfortunately. She is just too sick . The goals are feed, feed, feed, gain and gain and gain. Then the brain can have the nutrients to heal. It takes a long time. It takes at least a few months after the weight is appropriate for her (not just an arbitrary population based number), to get the moods and thoughts to improve. It is "state not just weight". 
Many have found the depression is part of ED and once the weight goes on that gets better too. 
What have you done at home since September?
Has the team got a plan for you for what to do at home?

Please ask all the questions you have. All of us here wish to help. It does take time for us to "get our game on" so that we are armed to take care of our kids. All the parenting tools you had in your toolbox may need to morph. 
Let us know how we can help. 
We do great with questions. The more you have the more advice you will get. 😊
So keep asking!
XXX

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum, sorry that you have had to find your way here. Eating disorders are difficult illnesses, they take a long time to treat and as scaredmom has already mentioned it is common for the person with the illness to not want to get better. Suicidal thoughts and self harm are also very common. I am in Australia so a very different medical system but my D's first few illness of illness sound very similar to your D.

Given you are in California even though it is down south have you given any thought to attending a UCSD family intensive program?  http://eatingdisorders.ucsd.edu/treatment/oneweek-intensive-treatment-programs.html or the similarly run UCSF  http://eatingdisorders.ucsfsitebuilder.acsitefactory.com/intensive-family-treatment-ed-ift

I have heard wonderful things about the program and most people who attend seem to get a whole new lot of skills for dealing with the eating disorder themselves. 

As scaredmom has mentioned, it is not clear what is happening at home. Are you preparing and feeding your D's meals, supervising them all? Is she attempting to do this herself?

When discharged how are you managing things?
Your D can get better but it may take some time. Sustained nutrition and return to what for her is a healthy weight is only the start. 

If you haven't already I would recommend reading the FEAST family guides, and please ask lots of questions.  https://www.feast-ed.org/family-guide-series/
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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scaredmom
Please look into UCSD program. Many people on the forum give it high marks!
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mamaroo
Hi and welcome from me as well. It is a pity that they don't get discharged cured or even in a place where they want to get better. I was so relieved when my d was admitted to the hospital and so disillusioned that they discharged her only when medically stable and still unable to eat. She gained 2kg IP, but lost it all while I learned to feed her at home (and it was not pretty, I can tell you). You need a very strict structure at home and need to separate your d from her illness. My d is better now and looking back, she would tell us she takes no responsibility for her behaviour while ill, because she was sick. Your d is unable to help herself and need you to beat the ED bully. Here are some tips;

1) Have a meal plan and put it on the fridge. You can fill in the meals and snacks your d will have (you choose, she does not). Putting it up will help her to prepare herself mentally. I've attached a sample one for you.
2) Present all meals and snacks at the same time everyday (even weekends and holidays). Allow 30 minutes for each meal. If she doesn't touch it, have a break of 30 minutes, while your d rests on her bed (no tv, no electronics, just a book). After 30 minutes try again, if she starts eating, great (then don't worry about the 30 minute time limit, some people here have sat with their child for hours until all the food goes in). 
3) Give her an incentive after every meal and snack, such as getting her phone back (take the phone away BEFORE the start of every meal/snack) or whatever you can use. Anything apart from a roof over her head and basic clothing and hygienic products can be used.
4) If she doesn't eat the food you made her, give her an ensure or other type of supplement - try not to make something she wants, however some here have successfully refeeded with a limited number of safe foods. This is really trial and error and you need to find what works for you.
5) There is a saying here: Life Stop Until You Eat (LSUYE), which means nothing happens until the food goes in, no school, no outings with friends, nothing and sadly it also means life stops for you. But it is only for a (relatively) short time until your d is able to eat what is put in front of her. Now, when I say short, I mean several months, best case scenario. Refeeding is a marathon and not a sprint, so read on for tip no 6.
6) Take time out every day away from ED. My hubby and I had dinner together with only one rule, no ED talk (it was a very quiet the first couple of nights). Every week I took non ED d to the shops and my hubby took her over the weekends to the beach or a movie, anything just to have a break from ED.

Here is a very good thread on super resistors:

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/the-super-resistors-when-lsuye-and-magic-plate-cause-total-shut-down-8122350?&trail=25#gsc.tab=0

Please use this forum to ask more questions, to get support or just to vent, we understand!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Mamaroo
I forgot
7) Feedback not failure. This is a steep learning curve and mistakes will be made. Don't blame yourself, just learn from it.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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sk8r31
I can whole-heartedly recommend the UCSD 5-Day Multi-Family Intensive program.  We went with my then-17-year-old, who had been ill for 3 years.  It was a game-changer.  I urge you to call an intake specialist and discuss whether this might be a good option for your family.  It literally gave us the tools, skills, and confidence to help our d move into strong recovery.
Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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