F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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cm72
hi all. Haven’t posted an update in a little bit but just having a super hard past couple of days. Here we are 6-7 months in, she’s WR barely but still should gain another 10 lbs. The anxiety is super high and she has completely alienated all her friends but she has been good at eating various foods. She still says she wishes she was a boy and that’s what started all this. But since yesterday, it’s been rough. She’s rejecting all foods. This morning she threw her smoothie and it went over every part of the living room. Right now she’s curled up on the chair saying she can’t take it anymore. My husband got really mad and just stormed off.
We have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week and I’m seriously thinking of putting her on meds.  In the meantime, can I get your support?
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Enn

cm72 wrote:
 In the meantime, can I get your support?


Absolutely!! You always have our support!!
You say she is about 10 pounds off from where you wish her to be, this could be an extinction burst. I am sure you have seen that here many times before. Knowing that does not help the situation at hand, but may help to understand that it will get better. 
Let H take a break. Are you ok, do you feel safe, right now? 
Going on meds is fine and they may help please do not worry about that. It does take awhile to acclimatize to them ie 4-6 weeks to see if they are working or not. Be calm, I know it is hard. Take a breath, grab a beverage or treat that you want/need. Let her cry it out. You can cry too. It may be needed at this time of high tension. 
You will deal with her anxiety and her gender concerns no matter what, it is ok. She and you will get there. The one thing a friend told me when I was struggling with D during refeeding and I give it to you: You, yes YOU cm72 were chosen to be her parent. It is you that will help her get through this. You are the best person for her.
Thinking of you.
Big hug!
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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cm72
Thank you scaredmom. Sometimes it feels like this will never end. I feel like we will never be happy as a family again. I really envy all my friends who travel, do family bike rides, etc. Both my kids never want to leave the house and so I just dread the weekends. We haven’t been out to dinner as a family since this all started. It’s exhausting. Just really down right now.
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Enn
I know it is hard to see how things can change. Your d has really progressed . You are doing well. When in the thick of things it seems so gloomy,I get that. 
We are standing with you as you navigate this illness. 
Can you get the family out to a museum together? Or a movie? That may help the mood overall or shopping for something nice for the home? Gifts for family or friends? Is there an event to look forward to and plan for? Grandparents or cousins to entertain them?
i understand how weekends can be unstructured and so the routine that keeps things going  in the week are gone so it makes it challenging to fill the day on weekends. It was like that for us too. The weekends were full of upset, no friends or school to distract d, fighting with siblings too. 
We were bored out of our minds. We did not go anywhere as d was not allowed to walk around and I was working on her not standing all the time. 
How about going to the local animal shelter and just petting the animals? I used to do that regularly just by myself. Animals are just so lovely. 
It is ok to be down right now. Your feelings are valid.
I hope tomorrow is a better day. Please let me know how it goes.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
cm72 wrote:
Thank you scaredmom. Sometimes it feels like this will never end. I feel like we will never be happy as a family again. I really envy all my friends who travel, do family bike rides, etc. Both my kids never want to leave the house and so I just dread the weekends. We haven’t been out to dinner as a family since this all started. It’s exhausting. Just really down right now.


I thought that, too, but it has and end and it gets better. I am with scaredmom that you probably go through extinction burst at the moment (or at least extinction burst 1). Try to stay strict and offer food and replace thrown food and just try to get through these days. When she sees that ED will not win she will calm down again.

Try the meds, it is worth a try. Did you read Ellesmums post about the Cannabis oil? She had success with that. Maybe worth a try? It is medical cannabis, nothing you can get addicted from.

Even this will end and get better in a few days. Try to survive it and do something nice for yourself. And hubby. Try to get them out of the house for some distraction to reload your batteries.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mcmum
Hi there. What a long, hard road this is.  There is so much for you to worry about and I totally get that feeling that life is passing you and your family by whilst you battle wearily on. 
One thing I like to do sometimes is the very thing that living with an ed and its attendant craziness won't let you do. I recommend that you call a friend or leave your h in charge for an hour and go alone or with someone non ed related to your favourite cafe. Order whatever you like and really enjoy it.  Eating out is impossible I reckon for an age so abandon the family for a bit and do something for you.  I went ice skating with my non ed d recently and felt about 15 again skating badly to pop music.  Hope you can find a way to feel like you again outside your d's worries if only for a moment xxx
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cm72
Tina-I think this is extinction burst 2 or 3!  🙂 I'll check out Ellesmums post. I work for a company that buys Hemp Oil and the lady I buy from says she can sell me the cannabis oil for wholesale. I thought about trying it anyways.
McMum-Thanks for the worst of support. I still work during this and it is my happy place. Every Monday morning I just about kiss the office building when I come in. Total opposite of everyone else here,LOL.
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Mamaroo
cm72 wrote:
Both my kids never want to leave the house and so I just dread the weekends. We haven’t been out to dinner as a family since this all started. It’s exhausting. Just really down right now.

We took turns taking out our non ed d. On Thursdays after school I took her to the shops just to browse and on Sundays my hubby took her to the beach or to the movies. During refeeding I wanted to go to a larger shopping centre a bit farther from us and had to bribe my d to go (she only wanted to stay at home the whole time). We went and she and her sister walked around the shopping centre like normal children, it was a great day for us. Don't loose heart, you'll get there as well.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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