I don't feel like we're totally out of the water yet, but I know where we are now would have been a very hopeful place to me in the first year of this journey, so I am sharing. We're in the US, in New York, near Albany.
2009 was rough year for our family. D (12 at the time) wasn't acting herself but we chalked it up to events and puberty.
About January 2010 just after she had turned 13, we noticed "healthy eating" (following Michael Pollan's book, Food Rules).
May 2010, we started noticed her restricting and exercising more (wii fit -- hate that thing with a passion now -- and hula hooping, mostly).
June 2010 took her to doctor, realized she'd lost 15 pounds. Doctor called it anorexia and told us to give her more control over her life. I had to beg for a referral to an ED expert. Spent weeks calling the ED expert, any therapist I could find who specialized in EDs, etc., but they were all booked for months and acted like it wasn't a big deal.
July 2010 she stopped eating and drinking almost entirely and spent full days reading and hula hooping at the same time. Finally spoke with yet another therapist who couldn't fit her in but said to take her to the ER and that hopefully they would admit her to Four Winds' adolescent unit (a general psychiatric hospital in Saratoga). It worked. It was a huge relief to my husband and me. Interestingly our doctor, the ER, and Four Winds all dx'd her as having Restrictive Anorexia Nervosa despite her not having lost her period or going belong the bottom number of a "healthy" bmi.
Same week she was admitted to hospital I found FEAST and ATDT and ordered Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder. Husband and I switched off reading it in the ER and then while she was in hospital. Realized we might have been able to avoid hospital if we'd read this early. Hospital didn't practice FBT -- hadn't even heard about it -- but they were kind and within three weeks she was eating according to their meal plan. She was also dx'd with depression and anxiety and admitted to feeling suicidal. She was put on Lexapro and Rispirdal. I spent that time trying desperately to find an FBT within driving distance. Couldn't find one.
Early August 2010 she returned home and was compliant with meal plan. Her compulsion to exercise had completely disappeared and has never returned (she had never been terribly athletic before AN). When she was released from hospital, we kept her in IOP while we kept searching. Hospital was good for her. IOP was awful. Finally realized that a therapist we had used with our other daughter was receptive to the ideas of FBT and Maudsley and while not trained, was willing to support us through this and was the best choice. She was helpful in many ways, but we had to push for a lot of things that we learned here. Also saw a nutritionist who, while a good woman and good nutritionist, I think was a mistake for a 13yo with anorexia (everyone insisted we needed her). In hindsight, I know now we should have immediately jumped on a plane for UCSD or that we might have found help with Walden in Massachusetts, but they didn't present themselves as options then.
Late October 2010 -- mostly thanks to the help of ATDT and her odd compliance, she was fed to her natural growth curve. However, she was still stuck on her meal plan, and we hadn't challenged her fear foods. She still couldn't acknowledge her anorexia or that anorexia is dangerous. Depression had lifted a bit. but anxiety was still very high.
Spring/Summer 2011 (14 now) we had managed to wean her off the mealplan and move to more of a magic plate scenario. She went off Risperdal.We decided to tackle the fear foods. She had been compliant during refeeding but ice cream brought on the rages we'd heard about here -- screaming, running away, police, etc. It took a couple of months, but we got through it.
August 2011 she had whooping cough and was stuck inside for a month, resting. Turned out to be great for her. She spent time learning about herself, forming opinions, etc. This month of rest really helped with her self-esteem and anxiety. They are still issues, but there was a big turn around at this time.
It is now March 2012, and she is 15. She has been weight restored almost a year and a half and has continued to gain a bit (but not to grow). She is off all her medication. She eats whatever we put in front of her. She eats food that we send with her (i.e. to school). She will eat with friends if we figure things out before hand. She orders from restaurants fairly easily. She has on very rare occasions eaten something on her own and told me so I could factor it in to her day. Her depression still lurks and her anxiety is still very present but she copes with them both better. She laughs and sings and gets goofy with her younger sister and eats birthday cake if she has to. In the fall she was in a very demanding after-school Shakespeare program and managed long days away from us mostly without missing meals or falling apart -- there were a few small setbacks but she worked through them beautifully. We are currently moving her towards serving her own food at dinner. My husband and I no longer live in constant fear, and our family is beginning to enjoy itself again, to have other interests, and to be out in the world
She has yet to admit to anorexia which makes it hard to work out a plan to keep her from falling back into it and her anxiety is still quite high. We don't feel confident yet she could take care of herself on her own without someone making her meals even for one day. We don't feel anywhere near being ready for her to go away for a few days without us let alone go away to college (which thankfully is several years away still as she is in 9th grade). Now that she has been weight restored for long enough we are starting to look into co-morbid issues and hope that we might find some insight into how to help her move forward.
EDIT: It is now October 2014, and she is 17, almost 18. I'd like to say there have been more leaps in recovery, but it has just been a slow but pretty steady upward trend. The big thing is that while she hates talking about it, she can. Insight has started to enter the picture. In addition, more of the small things we want to see happen are happening more often. She hasn't had any relapses or even setbacks.
EDIT: January 2015, and she has taken leaps in recovery, with no encouragement except patience. She is far less rigid, gets snacks and often breakfast and lunch on her own and occasionally takes seconds. We are able to eat "family style," bringing the food to the table and assuming she will serve herself enough. She happily cooks the basics herself (she was not one of the cookbook obsessed -- she wanted nothing to do with food) -- in fact she's making pancakes from scratch right at this very moment, something that was a major fear food for her.
Occasionally when I notice her being a little more rigid I remind her that she is not on a diet, and while she is still not a talker, it's clear she's taking that to heart.
She's still socially anxious, but she deals with that. She avoids situations that she knows will make her uncomfortable, but she also pushes herself to try new things. Some of the things that came in with her ED are finally starting to evaporate, such as being a painfully slow reader. She is still a slow reader, but she is able to get through books on her own again, just for fun.
She has applied to eight colleges, all within one and a half hours of us, several under an hour. The idea is that she needs to be where we can drive to her a few times a week, if necessary, to check on her health, take her out for meals, keep her refrigerator full, etc, or bring her come home for weekends.
I'm not sure I'll ever feel like we are totally out of the water, and college will be a challenge for all of us, even if it's mostly me learning to relax, but we are in a really good place.