F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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MidWestMom
Here's a concept - instead of resolving to lose weight this year and buy in to the mainstream notion that all women and teen girls need to be skinny;  how about a resolution to appreciate our bodies in whatever shape and size they happen to be? 

I've posted before about how caring for my D has caused me to re-think and re-evaluate my OWN body image.  Like many women, I have never been happy with my own shape, and certainly my D picked up on those cues.  In retrospect, the size of my jeans seems so petty. 

I hereby resolve in 2014 to  appreciate the  body I have -- and quit beating myself up for not meeting some unrealistic ideal.

I think if more women / mothers liked their own bodies, more of our daughters would follow suit. 
  
17 yr old d dx RAN in June 2013.   W/R in Jan. 2014; as of May 2014- independently and doing well.  Read more at Paula-Ponders.com
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boomerUSA
I couldn't have said it any better MidWestMom!  
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melstevUK
Well said, MWM.

There are so many of us fail to appreciate good health and the fact that our bodies actually work for us.  I have always disliked my legs - no legs that go on for miles here!-  just short heavy ones.  But they walk from a to b and serve me well, so I just need to stop being irritated with them. Women in particular are prone to wanting to be something different to what they are -  I just need to appreciate beauty in others such as dancers and skaters and their trim bodies and beautiful movements - and appreciate my own strengths.  It is often so difficult to do but my resolve to be more content in 2014 has been strengthened by your post.  Thank you!
And a Happy New Year to all the 'feasties'.  Hoping 2014 is a good one for all.
Mel x
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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lisaNJ_US
I so agree MidWestMom!
Lisa NJ Mom to daughter dx AN (Nov. 2013) at age 10. WR April 2014. ~There is light at the end of the tunnel.~
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KyrasMom_US
I'm with you, too! Also, I find that I look forward to exercise a different way now, too. It's much more enjoyable because I'm doing it for myself as a stress-reliever and not as a task to make myself skinnier. I'm happy if I get 20 minutes in or 60 -- either way, it feels good.
Mom of 16-y-o D diagnosed w/ ED-NOS (RAN, compulsive exercise) in May 2013. Hospitalized for 2 wks then IOP at UCSD through July. Now in FBT w/ team of therapist, pediatrician and psychiatrist (for meds.). She is WR & considered to be in recovery, though we are diligently watching her and working on relapse prevention on a weekly basis with her T. We can finally see true recovery as a real possibility [biggrin]!
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mnmomUSA
I will join you in the resolution.  It's a good one.  But, hard.  Very hard.

And, if it's hard for us full grown, mature women, imagine how hard it is for our children.

Sigh.

But, we must start somewhere.  And, this seems like an excellent place.
D, age 18, first diagnosed March 20, 2013, RAN, at age 13 Hospitalized 3 weeks for medical stability. FBT at home since.  UCSD Multi-family Intensive June 2015. We've arrived on the other side.  :-)  D at college and doing great!
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MamaJ_UK
Totally agree. wish this was like a 'poem on a picture' that we could post on our facebook page. Have to try and create something unless someone has seen something suitable?
MamaJ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. Psalm 34:18
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perdido
I will join you in this!!!
Slow and steady
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mec
MWM,bI like the sentiment behind this post.

However, for me, I'm not going to resolve to like my body. I don't think it is important to like my body and I don't want to have to spend energy in trying to like my almost 50 year old body. I neither love nor hate my body but there are parts of my body that I don't like. However, I view my body, like Melstev, in a functional way. I am thankful to be healthy and to have a body that can out walk my entire family put together. Also. I am so busy and have such a busy life that I don't spend much time thinking about my body. Then I step into the dressing room at the store and go "holy smokes!!! Who is that old lady staring back at me in the mirror, lol.

I don't mean to be contrary for the sake of it but I have listened to former patients and professionals who caution us that the focus with our children should not be on liking or loving their bodies but rather one of acceptance or at least tolerance that leads them to act in healthy ways. I know you are also referring to acceptance. My d has asked me these questions and I honestly tell her that I view my body in a functional way even if there are parts of it that I wish were different.
21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
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MidWestMom
Maria:

I hear you - I am also over 50, and am often surprised by the old lady in the mirror!   All the more reason to accept and appreciate (if not love-if that's an unrealistic goal) who we are rather than expend energy bemoaning what is gone or was never realistic in the first place!  

Mnmom... it is hard... after a lifetime of conditioning that we are somehow not good enough / thin enough / attractive enough.  If this is hard for as as grown women... imagine what is like for our young D's who struggle with body image issues. 

I suspect there are good images on some FB sites... will take a quick spin through sites such as mighty girl or Women hold up half the sky.


17 yr old d dx RAN in June 2013.   W/R in Jan. 2014; as of May 2014- independently and doing well.  Read more at Paula-Ponders.com
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torontoMomCAN
Hi Maria,
Maria,
You have just helped me define my approach to this.
I, too, have a 50+ body. I have had periods of my life where I accepted my body, where I dieted to try to change my body, gave up on that etc.  Still, I know I always bought into the cultural notion of "improving" my body.  For the past 8 years, I have been working out more, and becoming fitter through something I came to love - martial arts.  Still, underneath it all, there is always the secret yearning for that thinner body.
My d's ED has thrown all of that on its head, and I am reviewing many of my own thoughts and attitudes - for me, not because of ED.  I have been unable to work out for the past 6 months - time spent balancing the demands of refeeding and the demands of work.  I have thrown out every single diet book I ever owned and many workout videos that focused on "thinner", "toning" etc.  I am now extremely leary of "fitness porn" and a lot of the "self-motivation" out there which all hinges on not liking yourself.
But - there is no sense in throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Resolved (!):
1- I will be going back to martial arts and yoga in the New Year - as time allows.  ED stole that from me and I am taking it back - on my own terms. It was not only a way of keeping fit and feeling strong, it was my community and gave me a great sense of belonging.
2- My Tae Kwon Do master (who is a 50+, nowhere-near-skinny woman) has a phrase during training that I need to remember:
"trust what your body can do for you"
So I resolve to respect and trust my body.

torontoMom, D was on her way to full blown RAN in June 2013. Refeeding now. Return of periods in October 2013, and looking for that sweet spot where her body stabilizes...and she keeps gaining like a normal teen would.
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JDon
just saw this on FB
Photo: What do you pledge for 2014?
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