F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

pricie

My D has been in residential care for 1 week, following just finishing secondary school. She has just phoned me in tears as she has put on 1.5kg in 1 week.
I’m obviously happy with this but just want to check this is not too much weight in a week? Bearing in mind she has had to stop all activity and pretty much just eat. 
She has never been underweight, but is clearly not at a weight that is right for her as cognitions are very strong. This is why she is in residential care.
Unfortunately the unit closes over Christmas for 2 weeks and I will take her home.
My questions are:
 1. We were doing FBT prior to admission, I’m guessing I will continue with this until she is readmitted in 2 weeks time?
2. She is telling me she doesn’t want to get well and put on weight, I will continue with my contract re meals, petrol, mobile etc? - she is fully dependant financially.  This is the eating disorder talking isn’t it?
thanks in advance for suggestions/advice

 

If you are going through hell, keep going. 
           Winston Churchill
Quote
Enn
I think the weight gain is great, to be honest! 1 kg per week is ideal and normally a difficult goal to attain . 
As for doing FBT at home, I would say the answer is yes. Now what does her team say? 
Sitting  down with them and figuring  out  all expectations when at home, and I mean all expectations for your d and what to do at home should be done. Write everything down first. I mean write down all your questions about what happens at home and write all the answers down too so there can be no ambiguity as to what needs to happen at home. 
As for your last question you are right I think that is ED’s voice too.
Sending my best
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Quote
Torie
I think Enn's reply is spot on.

1.5 kg in a week is great!  

I wonder if there is an opportunity for a bit of a transition where you handle one meal while she is still under their care, then one day and then back in to them or some such.  That might give you a  chance to identify questions and issues you hadn't thought of until you were there, plate in hand.

Like your d, mine said she did not want to get well.  I just ignored that.  They don't need to want to get well; they "just" need to eat.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Quote
MKR
Hi @pricie ,

At residential care there would surely be medical monitoring for any issues with the fast weight gain. So, if they have not reported any, your D should be OK and will have the energy required for recovery. 

We have had our D once gain 1.5 kg in 1 week and this was early on. It kickstarted the recovery after a couple of weeks at 300 g per week.

In your earlier posts you seem to say that she had lost 30% of her body weight which seems quite drastic.  So maybe this weight gain is what she needs. 

To answer your questions:

1. Keeping up with FBT during the 2 weeks over Christmas will prevent any dips in weight and accompanying dramas.

2. It does sound like ED talking.  When the discussion is around food/ body it most certainly is. 

Please keep us posted after Christmas about the new assessment from residential care.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
Quote
pricie

Hi MKR,

yes she originally lost 30% of her body weight. BMI now sits around 21. She was diagnosed 18 months ago and we did quite well with FBT initially. She’s clearly no where near the weight she needs to be though.
12 months ago we travelled through Europe for 5 weeks and she was great and did well. With this horrible illness she has gone down hill since March.  Possible due to several reasons/changes for her.
I thought she had ‘relapsed’, but I think I allowed her too much independence too soon and she was never as well as I may have thought! Lesson learnt!
She will be on leave from Friday 20/12 so I will definitely be asking lots of questions so nothing can be misinterpreted at home. 

thank you all so much, I feel reassured that I need to keep feeding!

If you are going through hell, keep going. 
           Winston Churchill
Quote
MKR
Great to hear you have got it under control and that you have had success with FBT.

I wish you all the best for the holidays!
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
Quote
ValentinaGermania
Be prepared that you need to feed a lot for a LONG time ...🙂
We are in year 3 now and my d eats same portions like dad just to maintain her weight (she is grown out).
To stop feeding too early and to lay down the guards too early and to give back freedom too early are the most common risks for relapse with ED.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Quote

        

WTadmin