I didn’t post last time around, just read. Info in my intro below. I don’t know what to ask for. But “Hello” to this group. Good to know we’re not alone.
I read just now and appreciated the thread on DIY Dietician. I could have asked that a few months ago. I always appreciate sources of info on menus sans calorie counts for kids who think they are ready to start self-managing.
But alas I think we have AN back in the driver’s seat too much for that right now.
Here’s our situation (or my perception of it):
I have, and DD has, great support from my spouse—he is a champion re-feeder and loving dad. However, our ED knowledge/experience differs. I have a lot of “inside” & prof knowledge. So while I was initially useful in identifying ED and was involved with outpatient treatment in a balanced way, we are now more lopsided where its been he and DD in trenches and my role has been more in the background. I do get very frustrated w/ ED behavior and DD is hypersensitive to any tiny thing I say and so pushes me away. Dad can food manage more evenly (can also play fun easy-going dad role—which helps). But then it seems to me AN uses his ED greenness and good faith in her to do its sneaky behaviors. So their parental bond stays strong and I watch, knowing we’re going downhill. My DD knows I am watching and distances from me. ED probably loves this. And to you all I will admit I sometimes feel (and probably act) powerless. I do have a weakness around feeling shut out.
Also, I am freaking sick of eating disorders – – particularly having been through it myself. I am just really
so effing over it. I hate them. I hate body hating. EDs are such an incredible waste of time and soul and purpose and life. I resent having to go through it again with my precious child.
Dad meanwhile is working so hard for her (great) BUT he takes anything I say as criticism and so the unwritten rule is that since I’m not the one primarily food managing, I don’t deserve to comment. Or at least that’s the defensive stance, I think his actual feelings are more like overwhelm and inability to process input without fearing he will break down under pressure.
Anyway, she needs us, and me, to get into full gear for her (though honestly—and sorry to snivel—i feel unwelcome and unloved and anxious—all the traits she recoils from in me, which is one reason I retreat to background). Meanwhile I am managing another family crisis and our other kiddos and work and pre-existing overwhelm. And, as always, I miss her and love her and just want her back.
Look forward to meeting you as we move forward.