F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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annabanana
Hi all, we started the FBT assessment for my first twin (T1) today at a very well-known hospital here in York Region of Canada (N. of Toronto) that we had been waiting for, for 8 months.  We are getting assessment done for my second twin (T2) at the end of the week.  We are feeling very discouraged and angry at this time.

The professionalism we expected was scarce, especially by the head psychologist.  It was actually surreal.  T1 came out of the meeting with the doctor almost to the tears.  (She told me that she actually cried 2x during the meeting.) We are Americans living in Canada for the past 7 years and that was an issue with this doctor.  And when he found out that I pulled my girls this January out of HS because of anxiety related to ED, he accused my daughter of being a quitter just because she couldn't face her fears.  My heart broke hearing that.  (Most of it came out after we left for home.)

He told T1 that the reason why she has these anxieties, is because she is unwilling to be Canadianized.   Then he began to make fun of Trump and the rest of the 'obnoxious' Amerians.  (I homeschooled my girls for the first 4 years because they were bullied at school--he told the girls that's because Americans behave obnoxiously--hence they must have caused/deserved it.) While I understand the world's feelings about Trump, this was uncalled for during this assessment session. It was supposed to be one hour but it ran over another 45 minutes, according to T1, due to this one-sided conversation about Trump and Americans, and how we should just go back if we think we are that much better.   What? You are thinking of going to a college in US?  Why are you here then, she was asked.  A 50 yr old doctor versus a 16 yr old patient.

Honestly, we are used to these anti-US sentiments here in Canada, but I didn't expect my daughter to be getting slapped with it at the ED unit, of all places, and the worst part was that she was alone and unable to defend herself, even if she wanted to.  There were others in the room with her--dietitian, therapist, nurse--all laughed with him when he made one joke after another.  He is the head of the department.  

I am trying to think calmly and have told T2 to get her assessment done this Friday (with the same psychologist) and let's see where we would go next.  But I am boiling inside and with such limited services available here in Canada, I am not sure what my options are.  I will certainly be calling my insurance tomorrow to find out. 

If they behave like jerks but they can provide help that my girls need, I am willing to bear it for a short time, but my girls have already decided that they detest the support group at this hospital after this experience.   From what I had heard, this was a great place for support and healing.  I am so sad for my girls.

How should I look at this situation?  I was told that they had an all-female staff, one of the main reasons we chose this hospital, but that turned out to be false, but we would have preferred kind and gentle personality over sex of the staff!    If he is the head of ED and behaves that way, who should we talk to, if this continues with my T2? 

I thought about asking permission for recording their conversation with T2's consent, hoping the doctor would be more careful, but I don't know if that will put them on the defense and make them be disgruntled in their help to us.  This is extremely frustrating!



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mjkz
OMG!!!  That is beyond horrible and so unprofessional.  I think I'd be going to that evaluation with T2.  There is no way I'd send my daughter into a situation like that knowing what the attitude was.  I would also be filing a complaint and asking for an evaluation with someone else.  I get that this guy is the head psychologist but that kind of BS is not ethical and incredibly stupid.  I feel the same way about Trump quite frankly but it has no place in an ED evaluation.  I'm so sorry.
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Mom2DD
WOW! I am so sorry your poor daughter went through that. I am just 4.5 hours away from you and had experiences in TO as well...not good ones either. Sadly, we have had a few instances like that where my daughter or I have left near tears, not for those reasons, but regardless; lack of compassion, judgement and need to stay on topic were the issues...similar to your experience. 

I, personally would not bring T2 on Friday and put in a formal complaint, it will heal your heart somewhat.  I do know from experience that there is a hospital in London that is wonderful for eating disorders. I can forward you the information, however, it is at least 2 hours from you.  Possibly given your situation they can expedite your file; since you have already waited 8 months. 

My daughter has many complicated medical issues and clearly some mental illness' as well, having faith in our doctors is key...none of you will trust that doctor again and have already been tainted by the experience. 

That is just my opinion. Good luck!!! Please keep us posted. 

Best regards, 

Rhonda
I truly believe if love were medicinal, our children would all be cured! 


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sandytoes
annabanana, I am raging for/with you! That head psychologist should be reported and reprimanded. I'd go further than 'unprofessional' and say he was cruel and bullying. I would demand to be present if you decide to allow your second daughter to see him on Friday. If they say no, I'm not sure I'd let her go in. Can you look into it beforehand and know your rights? He may just do the initial assessment and then be uninvolved, so it might be short-term pain for long-term gain?

Have you looked into McMaster Children's Hospital Eating Disorder Program? It isn't crazy far from you and they are reputable. Toronto also has many private treatment facilities. I can't believe you've waited 8 months. That's criminal.
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annabanana
Thank you for the recommendations!  I will look into them. Mom2DD, can you tell me a couple of incidents that made you very frustrated? Sorry to make you relive them, but we also had some situations throughout the day when little comments were made that were quite condescending.  This was before Trump/American comments were made, so this reflects the mentality of the staff, I think.

I did ask if there was a female doctor that we could work with (I made it sound like it was the sex that was an issue, instead of the fact that the doctor was a jerk) and they said that they will wait until the 2nd assessment this Friday and give us recommendation on who we can work with.  The next appointment is another month away for T1.  I feel as though this is a snail's pace. 

For now, I am waiting for Friday and praying for wisdom and grace to deal with these people.

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AUSSIEedfamily


Might be time to make an official written complaint

This might be one option


http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/common/default.aspx

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ED Dad
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annabanana
Thank you, I have started inquiring about private groups that work with ED in the area.   I guess that's my plan B!

One psychologist I spoke with told me to give this group a chance, and don't let one jerk ruin it for the girls, if the girls don't have to work with him.  She says she understands how important a support group is to someone's recovery so if this is a good one, minus this doctor, then give it some time.  She also worried that if I file a complaint now, it might jeopardize the quality of the treatment from the hospital.

There's another doctor at the hospital and I was told (when I asked for a female doctor) that they wouldn't know who will be working with us until the 2nd assessment was done, so I'm hoping we can request him/her.  

I am going to ask if it's possible for either of these to happen:

1. I am present for T2's interview with the doctor, or
2. She records the conversation whenever the doctor is present either by writing or video. 

I am not sure what I'll do if they say no.   And because we already tried a private counseling that didn't work, I feel our time is running out and I don't want to keep searching if this can help them.   I'm actually very glad T1 went first because T2 has very difficult time recalling things whereas T1 is extremely detailed in pretty much everything!  [smile]


 
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Dora45
sandytoes wrote:
annabanana, I am raging for/with you! That head psychologist should be reported and reprimanded. I'd go further than 'unprofessional' and say he was cruel and bullying. I would demand to be present if you decide to allow your second daughter to see him on Friday. If they say no, I'm not sure I'd let her go in. Can you look into it beforehand and know your rights? He may just do the initial assessment and then be uninvolved, so it might be short-term pain for long-term gain?

Have you looked into McMaster Children's Hospital Eating Disorder Program? It isn't crazy far from you and they are reputable. Toronto also has many private treatment facilities. I can't believe you've waited 8 months. That's criminal.
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Dora45
I am North of Toronto also, and searching for help.  I will ask my family doctor but given how many comments there are about doctors who just don't get it, I am hoping for any recommendations possible.   I know that with my d I won't get a second shot if the first doctor takes the wrong approach.   
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roses22
Are you talking about Dr. B @ Southlake? If so, my D & I had a similar experience. We found him quite hard to understand and difficult to talk to. My d was brought to tears talking to him as well.
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