F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Faddywrite
After having a great day conquering pizza last week we back to fear and refusal today. Cooking a roast which my d will eat even thpugh shes not happy about the roast vegetables due to the oil they're cooked in. But when she spotted the cheesecake she was really cross and is refusing to consider eating it..I have a plan to let her choose between ice cream ( another fear) or cheesecake but Im dreading it now! Her grandad will be here..She accused me of not warning her about pudding today but I didn't warn her yesterday because I didn't want her trying to restrict. Yesterday I gave her a peanut and avocado burger with sweet potato wedges salad etc and she has just told me that was a treat as it was calorific but it wasnt really as all the fats were healthy non saturated ones!
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tina72
Hi faddywrite,
I am a bit late but I hope you did try the ice cream or cheesecake thing.
Refusal after fear food is normal but try not to accept that.
You do not need to warn her about having pudding today, that is not normal, no normal kid would need to be warned that there is pudding today. They would just say "yeah, pudding" and eat it. It often helped me to remember what would normal behaviour look like and insist on that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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sk8r31
Hope that your pudding offering of either cheesecake or ice cream was successful.  Does your d do better with an 'audience'?  In other words, was it helpful to have her granddad there?  For our d, she was definitely less likely to make a fuss if we had friends or family over for a meal.  She might still have been angry, but would tend to 'power' through, as she didn't like to make waves with company around.  I applaud you for pushing ahead with fear foods.  And the more you can appear calm (on the surface at least!) perhaps the better it will go.
Sending warm support!
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Mamaroo
This process is often two steps forward, on step back. Celebrate the pizza victory and don't worry too much about dessert yesterday. Just try again tonight (and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow etc). You got this!!!!!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her.
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Faddywrite
tina72 wrote:
Hi faddywrite,
I am a bit late but I hope you did try the ice cream or cheesecake thing.
Refusal after fear food is normal but try not to accept that.
You do not need to warn her about having pudding today, that is not normal, no normal kid would need to be warned that there is pudding today. They would just say "yeah, pudding" and eat it. It often helped me to remember what would normal behaviour look like and insist on that.


Hi Mamaroo,

Yes we did try a tiny slice of cheesecake. She pushed it round for a few minutes while we gently encouraged her to eat it and he did. She looked extremely angry and swore under her breath, but at lest she ate it. She was quite anxious after that and I went up to her room and discovered her weighing herself (she never does this!) and panicking that she would already weight more. She actually seemed reassured that she didn't weigh more yet!! We distracted her by all going for a gentle stroll with the dog and later on she seemed okay again. 
Can you believe that my daughter hasn't even been given a formal diagnosis of an eating disorder? Even though the specialist ed team are treating her!

Thanks again for your encouragement. xx
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Faddywrite
sk8r31 wrote:
Hope that your pudding offering of either cheesecake or ice cream was successful.  Does your d do better with an 'audience'?  In other words, was it helpful to have her granddad there?  For our d, she was definitely less likely to make a fuss if we had friends or family over for a meal.  She might still have been angry, but would tend to 'power' through, as she didn't like to make waves with company around.  I applaud you for pushing ahead with fear foods.  And the more you can appear calm (on the surface at least!) perhaps the better it will go.
Sending warm support!


Hi, yes we did get her to eat a tiny slice of cheesecake. My husband has been listening to Eva Musby on YouTube and this time her was so calm and patient with her. She refused for a while but then ate it very angrily. But she did it! She was very agitated afterwards so we distracted her with a short stroll in the sunshine which helped. She seemed okay an hour or so later. I'm so glad we got her to at least try some. Later this week we will tackle maybe ice cream.

Thanks for your support! xx
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tina72
Why does she have a scale in her room???
Get ALL scales out of the house asap.
It is really crazy that she has no formal ED diagnosis, she shows really all signs.
Yeah for the cheesecake!!! We had some yesterday, too, and my d asked for a bigger slice! You will get there, too!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
tina72 wrote:
Why does she have a scale in her room???
Get ALL scales out of the house asap.
It is really crazy that she has no formal ED diagnosis, she shows really all signs.
Yeah for the cheesecake!!! We had some yesterday, too, and my d asked for a bigger slice! You will get there, too!


Hi Tina, the scales are in my bedroom and she doesn't normally use them ata ll as she gets weighed by her psychologist. Last time her weight had gone up by 1kg and she seemed fine with that as she does accept she nees to gain weight to be healthier, but the ed kicks in and makes her scared. . It fluctuates, as sometimes she is scared sometimes not. But yes I will hide the scales now!

Yes I really think she has at least OFSED, but they say it's not diagnosable. Not sure why really.
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tina72
You don´t need a diagnose to help her and you are on a good way so just keep going and she will get better. Look how far you have come in the last weeks! Insist on normal eating and work on fear food and try it again and again and again. Like with a toddler.

I have no idea why they refuse a diagnose, but as I said, you don´t need it, you know what you must do.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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sk8r31
So great to hear that you got your d to eat some of the cheesecake!  Big win!  And also great to hear that your husband could be calm and supportive in order to get your d to eventually eat the cheesecake.  This is great progress...keep going!
Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Mamaroo
I'm very glad to hear she had some cheesecake, well done ðŸ˜ usually the first bite it the hardest. Keep on serving it until she can have a normal serving. 
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her.
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