F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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cm72
We are about 1 1/2 years in this whole process with ups and downs along the way. 12 year old D is doing great about eating. She started at 5'3 1/2 and 102 pounds got down to 80 and is now 5'4 1/2 at 110. Goal weight is 130. 
Anyways, we are noticing some weird psychological things. She was insisting she was a boy for the first year but that has gone away.
Now she seems to be hypersexualized. She constantly refers to people's body parts, makes "sexy" faces and just this weekend I found out she kissed my older daughter's girlfriend without her consent. 
Plus she is purposely destroying things. We just bought her new shoes and she was splashing in the mud puddles with them and then dropped her phone in the water without a care in the world. She also constantly teases her sister saying she's "thick" and just is very cruel. More so than a normal sibling.
If I didn't know better, I would think she's three years old.
Anyone have anything similar? I don't even know how to handle.
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Enn

Hi cm72,
I have not been through this. I am just thinking about how behind our kids are in their maturation. My d was socially off for quite awhile. She had trouble with her emotions with friends etc.. 
What does your team say about these changes you have noted and what you should do? 

If it is ED it will likely get better with Wr and time. If you are having trouble managing it I would ask your professional team what they think. 

Well done for the weight gain!! And nice to hear from you, although sorry that there have  been some difficulties on your end.🌱

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
Your post has reminded me that there is that social/emotional maturation that comes after WR: So I looked up a few threads. I am sure others with more information will pipe up soon.

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/social-issuesmaturity-5039912?highlight=maturity&pid=1266790987
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/resuming-the-path-to-maturity-after-an-eating-disorder-2864015?highlight=maturity&pid=27658662
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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cm72
These links explain it perfectly. Thank you for finding these. I think that as we get closer to her goal weight, hopefully she starts maturing at a faster rate.
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Enn
You are most welcome and so glad there was something there that helped you.🌷
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
I think this is just a phase some kids go through too. One of my D's friends and her sister were terribly focused on bodies, body parts and function. My own D has always been pretty laid back about this sort of thing but this girl and her sister seemed to have that very young focus on these things, and for much longer than seemed appropriate. Both I am pleased to say they both have grown out of it, as time went on I think it was seen as less and less appropriate by their peers.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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MKR
cm72 wrote:
... constantly teases her sister saying she's "thick" and just is very cruel. More so than a normal sibling.
If I didn't know better, I would think she's three years old.
Anyone have anything similar? I don't even know how to handle.


Thank you @cm72 for drawing attention to this.  It had never occurred to me that this sort of attitude could be part of ED. I'd always thought it was that ambitious streak that drove it. I called out this bullying every time it happened, so both the ED d and the victim knew that it was not allowed. But it was relentless and my other child has had a year of horror. 

Nowadays, ie with more weight gain, the putting down of others is disappearing. My daughters ask and offer each other hugs, give little gifts "just because". 

Now that you pointed it out, things make much more sense. Thank you!

It's weird, this immaturity.  On the one hand the ED makes the teenager behave like a toddler, on the other hand it makes them want to run the house: what to cook, how much, what to buy.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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cm72
We're all in this together @MKR!
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Aggie
Wow, I hadn’t looked at this as being Ed before but I had to speak to my D so many times about putting her brother down when he got the lyrics to songs a little wrong, it was nasty and not like her at all. I put it down to her perfectionism but now you have said this, she has always generally been thoughtful and diplomatic so would have handled it differently if it was down to that. 
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ValentinaGermania
No siblings here but my d also was very nasty to everybody in the family. This is ED. Someone here said, it is an eating disorder and not a rudeness disorder. So dare to say STOP to them. We do not need to accept EVERY bad behaviour although they are sick.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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