F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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pdmom
Hi, my son is suffering of AN, discovered 4 months ago. It escalated to severe very quickly. I am looking for a good clinic,were I can take my son to start a treatement program, preferably in UK or Europe as he is dangerously limiting calories in order to lose weight and started to have a mental breakdown and being very depresed. In Romania we went to several doctors trying to find the balanced treatement but there is no clinic or tretement centre coping with AN where all doctors coordinate and discuss a treatement plan amoung each other.
I would really appreciate your help. 
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Enn
Hello I have moved this to the main forum so it may receive more traffic.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn

Welcome to the forum. I do hope we can support you so that you may find the place that is best suited to your son's needs. 
I am not from the UK and I am sure many will be here soon. 
I would like to ask a few questions:

1: How old is he?

2: are you feeding him at home?

3: How is the feeding going?
We can help you with some suggestions for feeding him more, if you could share what is going on.
4: how are you doing? 

It is a horrible illness and we really do get it. 
We will do our best to help you anyway we can. Please just ask!
Sending a big hug!

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Barberton
While you wait for a response from here (I'm in Australia and can't offer a suggestion), look at Eva Musby's website (and book) to give yourself some immediate help dealing with the every day struggle to eat. 

https://anorexiafamily.com/

D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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ValentinaGermania
Hi and welcome here although I am sorry that you need to be here.
To be honest, your situation is difficult. There are no good treatment centers in central europe as far as I know (at least I do not know anybody that could report that up to now) and for the UK ones I am not sure if they are open for foreigners and you will have a long waiting list to get a bed. In this time your son will get worse.

But: You can do something at home. At his age and "only" 4 months in you caught it early and you can try to do FBT at home with him. You need a good doctor to control his blood and heart values and to weigh him regularly (blind if possible so he does not know his weight and gain). You need time, so if you can get time off work that would be needed as you need to supervise him 24/7 and you need some help from hubby and familie or friends if possible.
And you can get help from FBT professionals by skype if that is possible for you.

If you have a good doctor that understands english please give him "Decoding anorexia" by Carrie Arnold to read and he will know what to do.
And the AED guidelines: https://higherlogicdownload.s3.amazonaws.com/AEDWEB/27a3b69a-8aae-45b2-a04c-2a078d02145d/UploadedImages/AED_Medical_Care_Guidelines_English_04_03_18_a.pdf

Read Eva Musbys book and watch her videos on refeeding and then make a plan and get started. Make a meal plan starting with 3 meals and 3 snacks and make him eat regularly. This will not be easy but we all here can help you with ideas and tips and tricks to make him eat again.

Food is the medicine so most important thing now is to get the food in and to make him gain again.

Please check your profile, you have put your email adress there and it is visible for all members at the moment. For more privacy I would suggest to change that. There is a pencil on the right top where you can edit that easily.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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pdmom
Thank you very much for the quick reply. We are trying to refeed him at home but it seems is getting worse than better and it seems without medicines he is not getting any better. We don't have so much experience as we are at the begging of the road but we've started to read the materials from Eva Musbys.
You have wrote that I could skype with FBT professional that could help us learn more  -could you please recomand some? That would be very helpfull.

I will also contact any of the treatement medical centres in UK (maybe someone could advise the best ones) to see if they accept any foreigners.

thank you very much for your support
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Enn
If you let us know exactly what is happening that may help us brainstorm and come up with some things for you to try.
Do you have a doctor to monitor weight and blood pressure and heart rate weekly?
we know how hard this is. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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pdmom
Hi, thank you very much for the quick reply. 
1. He is 13.5 years old
2. we went to the nutritionist who provided us a meal plan to start progressivelly feeding him, to start with ard 1800 calories/day.
3. we are trying to stick to the plan but it is very painfull as there is a constant battle, he is trying to count each calory he is eating and counting the overall calories he eats in one day. It started recently that, in the evening, after the meals, he is starting to feel an exacerbated guilt and that is the moment when the "battle" starts: jumping, looking into the mirror all the time, checking the belly, he becomes very nervous. I find it very difficult to re-feed him. He has also started to have problems with the sleep.
4. I feel tired but I know I still have a long road to go, trying to remain positive.
5. so far we did not monitor blood pressure and heart rate weekly but only weight. On Monday, we have an appointment to the hospital and if they will not be part of the investigations , i will manadatory request them.

thank you very much for your support!!
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Ellesmum
Hi pdmom,

if you are on Facebook I’d suggest asking to join some support groups too as many are international so you may find people from your country plus 24 hour on the ground advice and support.  Feel free to email me and I’ll give you the names plus one has a linked professionals arm so you will probably get recommendations there, then you can directly call or email for information on prices, available beds etc.

You will get fantastic support in this forum and there are other places too - many voices can help 💪
Ellesmum
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Enn

Hi there, 
A  few things:

1: get rid of the mirrors so he cannot check his body as much
2: Get the doctor to do orthostatic Blood pressures weekly. 
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/improving-care/better-mh-policy/college-reports/college-report-cr168.pdf?sfvrsn=e38d0c3b_2
 To do the orthostatic BP lie down for 5 min and take BP and Heart rate. Then do it again while standing and check if there is 20 mm Hg drop in systolic (top number) and or more than 10 drop diastolic and increase in Heart rate by 15 or more. this can be concerning and your child may need to be assessed in the emergency department.
3: if not eating for 24 hr (some say 48) and no drinking for 24 or eating less than 500 cal per day, your son should be assessed urgently as well
4: the fighting about the food is hard and common. We used school to keep her eating. No school if not eating. Also no physical activity. No nonessential physical activity was banned. It is hard to do. 
5: what incentives do you have for your son? Some have found that taking away certain things like phones or letting them have their phones when they eat have been helpful 
6: here is a good book  https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/when-your-teen-has-an/9781684030439-item.html
7:  What is he eating now? We can help with ideas to get the calories up.

I know this is hard as a parent. I hope you have some family member that can support you too. Are you able to take a break to care for yourself as well? 

I am sending my best. 
Keep asking questions, there is so much experience and support here. 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn

Just adding in: 

Is he eating what you give him? Is he gaining?

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
pdmom wrote:
Thank you very much for the quick reply. We are trying to refeed him at home but it seems is getting worse than better and it seems without medicines he is not getting any better. We don't have so much experience as we are at the begging of the road but we've started to read the materials from Eva Musbys.
You have wrote that I could skype with FBT professional that could help us learn more  -could you please recomand some? That would be very helpfull.

I will also contact any of the treatement medical centres in UK (maybe someone could advise the best ones) to see if they accept any foreigners.

thank you very much for your support


Meds do very often not help when they are underweight. Food is the only medicine that helps at the moment.
I will send you a private mail with the contact infos of 2 FBT therapists here that offer skype. Both speek english and german. I will do it later as I have to cook now 🙂.

We also had a very limited professional team here and did most on our own and ATDT and the other parents here saved our ds life. You can learn a lot here and get a lot of help.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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ValentinaGermania
pdmom wrote:
Hi, thank you very much for the quick reply. 
1. He is 13.5 years old
2. we went to the nutritionist who provided us a meal plan to start progressivelly feeding him, to start with ard 1800 calories/day.
3. we are trying to stick to the plan but it is very painfull as there is a constant battle, he is trying to count each calory he is eating and counting the overall calories he eats in one day. It started recently that, in the evening, after the meals, he is starting to feel an exacerbated guilt and that is the moment when the "battle" starts: jumping, looking into the mirror all the time, checking the belly, he becomes very nervous. I find it very difficult to re-feed him. He has also started to have problems with the sleep.
4. I feel tired but I know I still have a long road to go, trying to remain positive.
5. so far we did not monitor blood pressure and heart rate weekly but only weight. On Monday, we have an appointment to the hospital and if they will not be part of the investigations , i will manadatory request them.
thank you very much for your support!!


1. That is really a good age. You have some say in medical things and I am sure you can find some leverage to get him to eat. And you have some time left to get him recovered and work on his eating until he turns adult.
2. I hope you see the nutritionist without your son. If not, please do not take him with you. He already has too much nutritional information in his head. 1800 is a start when you get that in but to gain weight he must eat more I think.
3. This is all normal at the beginning. Fighting, crying, screaming, throwing plates. Try to stay calm and serve it again and again. He must learn that all this screaming and crying does not lead to anything and that he needs to eat whatever happens. Make not eating impossible.
You can try to stop the calory counting a bit by taking all food out of containers. Leave the containers on the supermarket parking if possible. Buy all cheese and sausage and bakery stuff without containers and without any nurtitional information if possible. Serve yoghurt in a bowl (go on plastics for some time to save your good china).
Refeeding is difficult and is the hardest thing I did in my life but it is necessary. It is like he has cancer. Food is his chemotherapy at the moment. He does not like it and it is painful but he needs to have it to safe his life. Take away all full mirrors. Leave only a small one in the bathroom for toothpasting.
The evenings were the hardest time here too. Put him in front of TV. Distract him with games. Make a friend come over if possible. If you have netflix available there, this would be a good pay at the moment 🙂.
Problems with sleeping are also totally normal with AN. Some had great progress with melatonin or other plant meds. Ask your doctor for that. Sleep with him. A lot of patients do overexercise secretly in the nights.
4. I can imagine that you feel overwhelmed and tired but it is great that you have some hope. Recovery is possible, most important now is to get the food in and the weight back. Can you tell us how much he has lost?
5. Ask the team in the hospital to read the AED guidelines. Especially blood and heart are important. Many AN patients suffer from very serious heart problems. If they weight him there make sure they put him backwards on the scale and do not let him know his weight. Make sure they talk with you alone and not in front of your son.

I have send you the skype-information.

If you have the financial possibilities, there are really good one week family programs to learn how to refeed them in USA. One is in San Francisco and one in San Diego. Very far and quite expensive but really good.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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