F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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myhelp

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello All, ( new to group since May ) I haven't posted for a while, as I don't know what to say. life is swamping me. 

Please forgive the sob story, some of you guys are so learned I am embarrassed and upset at reading your posts as I don't know as much as you all do , and yet all of you are in the same boat as me if not worse.

I posted a while back,things haven't changed . My D is still stuck at 1600, we have never reached that as in her head she cannot eat more than 1000/1200.

Camhs have been a merry go round of D will go to hospital / no she won't if she keeps trying. I understand that no one can help my D with individual therapy until her cognitive abilities get better through food intake but I do not know what to say / do to help at home when she cannot/ won't eat. I try and eventually she eats but it's for me and dad. She will eat her 3 main main meals and won't eat snacks nor the ensure that camhs advised. i don't recognise this person.

We are now seeing a dietician at camhs for which I am really grateful as the food space at home is intolerable.

My husband works abroad and I am effectively on my own. ( 4 kids ).

My feelings are probably better listed as I have so much going on in my head.

-I haven't devoted as much time as I should have to read around ED, so feeling guilty
- what is WR, PHP, DT and many other abbreviations on some of the posts. I don't understand .. is there somewhere I can look ?
- sometimes I wish it would all go away / I could go away
- I don't have a life anymore, it's supervise eating and then the next meal and then tantrums, insults, behaviour changes. 
- I am worried she is developing OCD, the other night we were getting on fine, she said to put her gravy in , I thought she meant on top of her food so I poured it on ... well that was it ....explosion ! I had ruined it etc etc . Is this OCD or ED ?. There are other instances too 
- meal times can take hours ! I'm falling asleep sometimes at the table.
- she still makes her meals
- work is suffering/ home is suffering/ other children are suffering ( eldest daughter self harms due to a bad relationship )
- I know this is all about me but I can't help it, I feel pathetic and weak but life's not bearable anymore let alone fun. I can't laugh / be with the other children as my D is on my mind.
- She has social anxiety as well as Ed, and depression.
- She is seeing a psychotherapist for her moods and camhs for ED
- She hasn't gone to hospital yet, they are working with her in the community

It's lonely, I just don't know how you guys stay so positive, I just want to give up

So sorry ... the tears don't stop, what the hell did I do wrong ?

x



momupnorth

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Reply with quote  #2 
first off you did nothing wrong!!!!!  This illness hits our kids so hard and fast that it leaves the whole world spinning!
from what I see you are doing everything right...supervising meals, not giving up/giving in, etc.
don't feel guilty about not reading up on this...it is an overwhelming time for you right now.  when you feel up to it, I would recommend the following 3 books:
Throwing Starfish Across the Sea by Laura Collins and Charlotte Bevan
Ed says U Said by Catherine Sangster and June Alexander
Helping Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder by James Locke and Daniel Le Grange
as for the abbreviations WR means weight restores, PHP=partial hospitalized program, there are many others used here...when in doubt check out the Glossary tab at the top of this page.
 regarding the possible OCD...yes it may develop or manifest but I would say if it is usually about food, it is ED.  I have read many posts where OCD did develop along with Ed.  For my d, it was already there a bit but came on stronger with ED.
My d also has social anxiety, which her ed therapist works on with her as well as the ed.  We think the one helped create the other.  Anxiety definitely came first and grew into ED for us. 
one piece of advice I would give as you say she is stuck and will not eat more than 1000-1200 calories in a day...you say she still makes her meals, perhaps you should take this over as then you could add a few extra calories to the basic meal she will eat...ie add butter, cream to mashed potatoes, butter on pasta, etc. we found taking the control of food prep (she needs to eat what we give her)has made a difference and put the pounds on.
I know this is lonely and very overwhelming, I am so very glad you found this site ass there is almost always someone on here who has been through what you have and can sympathize/offer advice.  I feel truly blessed to have found all the support here and don't know what I would have done without it.
You are a fantastic Mom and you will get through this!!!  We are stronger than ED!!  You can and will kick his a**!
momupnorth
ps. a little history on me and my d:
d was diagnosed anorexic in April this year, immediately hospitalized as her heart rate and bp were extremely low and weight was 70lbs.  she was not eating at the time. hospitalized for almost 4 months to get some weight on and become medically stable. has been home since end June, is now wr and then some, behaviours are better, eats what we give but nothing else (not intuitively eating yet).  she did have to have a feeding tube while in hospital as she refused to eat but hated it and started eating quite quickly and this is now her motivation to eat (she does not want a tube again)...as good a motivation as any as far as I can see.

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Mom Up North
K63

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi my help , welcome to the forum , it's normal how you feel this illness comes into our lives so slyly and it rocks our world to the core. You are doing a great job in feeding your d hopefully with help from the dietician she will be able to increase her food intake for my d weight gain and more nutrition was the start of improvement but the nutrition needs to be continuous and it takes time to heal the body and the mind . Can you add any extra oils or heavy cream to food as you prepare it.
We tried to feed my d at home for a few months but she was not eating enough and continued to lose weight she needed admission to an ed unit and on discharge we had to fully discharge all meals . She is 19 now. We are handing back responsibility now .
I can fully understand all your feelings as I think all parents including myself went through all of them . I felt I could not go on but I had to to save my d from this ed monster. You can do this but you need to look after yourself take some time out when your h gets home . Can you get any family members sisters or parents or friends to help with supervision . It's so difficult to remain calm especially when you are tired and emotional. More people will add their advice here . This forum helped me so much just to keep going . My d is doing better it's been 2 1/2 years since diagnosis time and nutrition is healing her body and brain .
Have you a friend you can confide in or could you see a therapist for yourself too .

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Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
myhelp

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you for your help... I know this site is good and so helpful, it's the only one I reach out too.

Her siblings aren't allowed to get involved, she doesn't want them supervising / or sitting with her at meals although she has told them she has A. She finds her Dad unhelpful. We are supposed to be having Family based Therapy, but really it's just me telling others, and because I can't be everywhere, a wrong comment gets said and it sets her off eg 'why is he not eating ,'why do i have to eat and you're not eating or you haven't eaten enough so why i am eating, you've only had xx calories why do I have to eat ... and it goes on. 

Is everyone involved in your families? do members of the family help each other ? How do I make it easier so that we can all stay connected and helpful or am I living in an cloud cuckoo land and the disruption is tangible and irreversible ?

Should I tell Camhs that I will make her meals - she really doesn't want me too and her resisted all the way.


Any tips to get her to eat her snacks or Ensure ??
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi my help ,

First-a giant hug to you.with a husband working abroad and three other children it might be time to regroup and work out what is realistic for you.because no matter what you read on the board, trust me, there are more people who can't do it that way.
Meal times-set a time limit.in hospital the time limit is generally half an hour for snacks, one hour for meals.after that, take the food away and replace with an ensure.if this is not drunk, take a note of it for your next meeting.
What is your ds weight?is it realistic or healthy to even have her at home?it isn't enough that she's eating if what she's eating isn't enough.what are her obs?how is her heart rate, (orthostatic), her bloods and weight?
thats the teams or your gps job to keep track of and it needs doing weekly.
I think that it is time to be real with your team.no brave face, lots of tears, actually show them how overwhelmed you are.i got to a point where I considered walking into traffic, I was so overwhelmed.our team was so busy making me feel guilty for not being at my ds constant beck and call,even though I have other children with special needs,that I just...I got too tired.tears were an everyday part of my life.
In the end, yes I went on anti depressants but I learned that I wasn't superhuman and played hardball to get her into residential treatment.residential treatment was not a perfect solution, but I did get some time to breathe and focus on the other children.
Is it possible for your h to step up and speak to his company about getting work onshore?its not enough that he helped you make the children-he has to be involved in raising them too.after all, the reality can be that if he doesn't step up and put you first now, he may not have a home to come back to where you are at the helm.i think if you have a partner that they have to make some compromises around having a sick child too.so it's time for a meeting with your h where you put your cards on the table.my h has missed out trips and courses but that's life.he is your husband first and then a dad and then a worker.supporting you is more than money, it's time.so put that to him.its not about shouting at him obviously, but making sure your needs are met.'to have and to hold, in sickness and in health'.those words mean something.
Always remember that you matter too.none of us are inexhaustible.if it's not realistic for your d to be at home then it's not.hospital can really help here, residential can help here.your d will cry and beg, but you sometimes have to just come from a place of love and say that you tried at home but you feel she needs more help and hospital/residential is needed at this time.
I hope this helps,

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Sotired42
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #6 
Quote:
Her siblings aren't allowed to get involved, she doesn't want them supervising / or sitting with her at meals although she has told them she has A. She finds her Dad unhelpful. We are supposed to be having Family based Therapy, but really it's just me telling others, and because I can't be everywhere, a wrong comment gets said and it sets her off eg 'why is he not eating ,'why do i have to eat and you're not eating or you haven't eaten enough so why i am eating, you've only had xx calories why do I have to eat ... and it goes on.


I fully support sibs not supervising meals.  It is hard enough when we as parents supervise especially when we find out later food was tossed or hidden.  We feel guilty so just imagine what that would do to a sib.  We also try to separate out the person from the ED and I think this is much harder for sibs to do.  Heck it is nearly impossible at time for us to do it!!

I answered all the comments with uh-huh. Hmmm.  Sounds difficult for you.  I try to never get into any discussion about why someone else isn't eating as much or eating at all.  My daughter used to want me to eat everything she had too and I would tell her that I was not her.  She had a medical condition that required her to eat in a certain way that I did not have and I just left it at that. Usually I would try to shut down any discussion like that after acknowledging that it must be hard for her.  You will hear the same things over and over again and the most frustrating circular logic but it means nothing other than she is trying to distract from eating. 

Quote:
Should I tell Camhs that I will make her meals - she really doesn't want me too and her resisted all the way.


Yes!!  If you are still stuck at a low calorie level, that would be the next step and not letting her be in the kitchen with you cooking.  You can add things to her food that will increase her calories without her knowing. You have struggled for awhile it seems at a low calorie level and it just prolongs everyone's agony.  Kick her out of the kitchen and you make meals.

Quote:
Any tips to get her to eat her snacks or Ensure ??


What have you tried?  Any easy way to get more calories would be to add an Ensure to each meal.  Just make it a part of normal eating and don't let her leave until it is gone.  If she leaves, follow her with the Ensure.  Make it mandatory that she have the Ensure or the snack.

What you describe with the outbursts are definitely ED.  Very, very common.  I think if you make the meals and dish them up, the easier it will be in a sense because you are not asking her to make any decisions.  With your gravy example, she may have wanted the gravy on everything until you did it.  I find the less questions I ask regarding how she wants food, the easier things became.  Later as she got better, I started giving her limited choices (ie. do you want the apple or the orange) but when we first restarted feeding, I gave no choices.  I made the mistake of asking once if she wanted a baked potato or mashed and half an hour later she was still going back and forth.  They are literally not able to make decisions about food when they are starving/not eating enough.

As for falling asleep at the table, we had time limits on how long a meal would go.  45 minutes for a meal, half an hour for a snack.  Anything not eaten in that time was supplemented for.  That really help cut down on the time spent at the table.

Quote:
- I know this is all about me but I can't help it, I feel pathetic and weak but life's not bearable anymore let alone fun. I can't laugh / be with the other children as my D is on my mind.


You have to learn to compartmentalize.  I hate the word but it is very true.  When you are with your other children, make it about them.  Your daughter, eating, and food will still be there but the other kids need to still have time with mom that is enjoyable. I used to feel guilty when I would enjoy something because my daughter was miserable.  Then I realized that all that was doing was making two of us miserable.  It just added to the problem rather than got her better faster.  One of the things that I think really helped my daughter was seeing that life could be fun and enjoyable so she had to fight to get that back.  As hard as it is, you have to go out and have fun with the other kids so she can see what she is missing and help motivate her to get better.  One things I have said before and I really think is true is that worrying about something doesn't get it better any faster.  You have to deal with your daughter, eating, food during the meal times and snack times but in between worrying about it doesn't get you any farther ahead.  I know how hard it is but your other kids suffer from lack of fun and mom time too so make the most of the time you have with them. Plenty of time to worry about daughter at the next meal time.
enoughalready1

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Reply with quote  #7 
It's like being dropped into a foreign country where I don't know the language or the rules,  and I'm supposed to find my way around without a map.  Why do we expect so much from ourselves?   Who would know what to do when this starts?  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My husband has tried to talk to my daughter a few times, but he does not push her and he is not comfortable with any kind of therapy.  Foreign country for him, too.

 

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K63

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hi , I am sorry if I was unclear re supervision , sibling supervision is not recommended, I meant if you had any sisters or your h s family to help with supervision . My d was never happy with my h supervising but I needed the help and I needed time off as I found it difficult to stay calm all the time.
It's important to keep her out of the kitchen when you are cooking , even now I notice when my d bakes it makes her anxious sometimes.
Have a look at Eva Musby s video how to help your child to eat , it only takes a few minutes.

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Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Francie

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Reply with quote  #9 
Dear myhelp,
I am so sorry for what's going on. It is an unbelievably difficult situation for you but please hang in there.

These words of yours stuck on me: So sorry ... the tears don't stop, what the hell did I do wrong ?

I was a good one for trying to blame myself too, but I read this article below and it illustrated for me the importance of not blaming yourself. It is harmful to you, your ED D, and your other children. I don't know who the article was written by or where I found it, but I hope you find it helpful:

Parents can cause their child to relapse because of their behavior toward the child. Those who blame themselves for their child's illness are higher in emotional over-involvement, commonly found in females (Peterson & Docherty, 2004). They become too involved with their child because they feel like it is their fault that the illness exists. This type of emotion is overwhelming for someone who is trying to improve their life. The parent shows a lot of concern toward the child, but it does not necessarily mean that this is productive for them. The over involvement causes the child to feel trapped because they feel like they can not do anything independently. This adds onto the entrapment they have with the psychological disorder that they are trying to handle. The overbearing parents make the child feel helpless because they do not have control; therefore, they fall back into bad habits of their illnesses. Illnesses such as bulimia, anorexia, alcoholism, schizophrenia, and others are triggered by these types of behaviors from parents and other relatives. The child may feel like the outsider of their family because of the excessive attention they receive as a result of their disorder. The behavior of everyone around them influences their decision to relapse or progress.


Prayers and best of luck to you!


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Francie

EDAction

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Reply with quote  #10 
Dear Francie,

I agree that it is important for parents not to blame themselves and that doing so is not helpful to the ED sufferer.  Just as a sick person doesn't want her doctor to cry and feel overwhelmed and guilty while treating her, I think my D doesn't want her parents to act that way while we treat her (although sometimes we do - ugh - but less and less as we have gotten better at this).  So I agree with your point.  But whereas you found the quote you included helpful, I read it as blaming parents.  It doesn't mention the biological part of EDs.  If you find a citation for it, please post it.  I'm curious.  Thanks!



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DD diagnosed with anorexia at 14; FBT at home with the help of psychologist and medical dr; 3+ years later and doing well (knock on wood)
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hey Francie, just to add , CAMHs uk will try to get you to do this at home until it is almost an emergency as there are so few beds available in the UK.
That sucks doesnt it?
We also do not have 'residential' facilities so its medical neccessity or home. What you can do is get the GP to take responsibility for bloods, BP, ECG and weighing regularly and you need a care plan from camhs that is shared with everyone involved in your ds care. You, GP, dietician, therapist, school possibly. This care plan should be regularly reviewed in a meeting that includes you, your d and her care team.
If something is not working the idea is you can review it , change it, review it again, maybe persevere etc. the family therapist should also be part of the care plan and reviews.
In hospital all they do is make the patients eat three meals and three snacks a day. Bathrooms are locked. Supervision is an hour after meals. Gentle exercise like a short walk is allowed but supervised.
This simple recipe for success is met with unbelieveable resistance and sectionning is often required.
Restraints and IM jabs calm patients and are used often.
If you can do this at home it is a million times better.
Act fast, be firm, fake it til you make it.
If the mealnisnt gone within a time limit then she has to have ensure at more calories than the meal. Life literally stops until she eats. For you unfortunately as well.
Her siblings need to just focus on being siblings and having their own lives. They will suffer sadly,my son now has anxiety issues and panic attacks having gone through his sisters bulimia for years.
You can do this, you have to as her mum. Its up to you and your hubby. Do not expect a cure from camhs. If you get a good team then congratulations, you are exceptionally lucky. But do not rely on someone else fixing this. It will not be an easy ride and it will not be quick. But you are doing this to save your daughter.
Life changes and we are dealt the cards least expected.
There is alot of excellent material available and you can moan cry and whinge 24/7 on here, there will always be a friend to connect with.
I hope you can stop crying and come up with a plan to remain sane for yourself. Grab moments while you can to relax. There is no alternative so ....
Good luck. Put on your big girls pants and go for it! X

__________________
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hey Myhelp, just to add , CAMHs uk will try to get you to do this at home until it is almost an emergency as there are so few beds available in the UK.
That sucks doesnt it?
We also do not have 'residential' facilities so its medical neccessity or home. What you can do is get the GP to take responsibility for bloods, BP, ECG and weighing regularly and you need a care plan from camhs that is shared with everyone involved in your ds care. You, GP, dietician, therapist, school possibly. This care plan should be regularly reviewed in a meeting that includes you, your d and her care team.
If something is not working the idea is you can review it , change it, review it again, maybe persevere etc. the family therapist should also be part of the care plan and reviews.
In hospital all they do is make the patients eat three meals and three snacks a day. Bathrooms are locked. Supervision is an hour after meals. Gentle exercise like a short walk is allowed but supervised.
This simple recipe for success is met with unbelieveable resistance and sectionning is often required.
Restraints and IM jabs calm patients and are used often.
If you can do this at home it is a million times better.
Act fast, be firm, fake it til you make it.
If the mealnisnt gone within a time limit then she has to have ensure at more calories than the meal. Life literally stops until she eats. For you unfortunately as well.
Her siblings need to just focus on being siblings and having their own lives. They will suffer sadly,my son now has anxiety issues and panic attacks having gone through his sisters bulimia for years.
You can do this, you have to as her mum. Its up to you and your hubby. Do not expect a cure from camhs. If you get a good team then congratulations, you are exceptionally lucky. But do not rely on someone else fixing this. It will not be an easy ride and it will not be quick. But you are doing this to save your daughter.
Life changes and we are dealt the cards least expected.
There is alot of excellent material available and you can moan cry and whinge 24/7 on here, there will always be a friend to connect with.
I hope you can stop crying and come up with a plan to remain sane for yourself. Grab moments while you can to relax. There is no alternative so ....
Good luck. Put on your big girls pants and go for it! X

__________________
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #13 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EDAction
Dear Francie,

I agree that it is important for parents not to blame themselves and that doing so is not helpful to the ED sufferer.  Just as a sick person doesn't want her doctor to cry and feel overwhelmed and guilty while treating her, I think my D doesn't want her parents to act that way while we treat her (although sometimes we do - ugh - but less and less as we have gotten better at this).  So I agree with your point.  But whereas you found the quote you included helpful, I read it as blaming parents.  It doesn't mention the biological part of EDs.  If you find a citation for it, please post it.  I'm curious.  Thanks!




That's a very nice way of saying it, EDAction. I agree with everything you wrote, except I would go one step further and say we HAVE to be "overinvolved" to pull our kids back up the rabbit hole to health. The other option is for them to receive high level care from professionals (inpatient or residential), in which case it is the PROFESSIONALS who are responsible for being overinvolved. 

AN sufferers need help. Big time. Either at home or at a clinic ... no over-involved about it.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. I don't mean to be harsh, but I do feel strongly about this.

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Francie

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Reply with quote  #14 
Dear EDaction, I found the quote here: http://www.personalityresearch.org/papers/mcdonagh.html. It is the 13th paragraph.




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Francie

HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi,
I'm really sorry to hear your story and your sadness and despair. Even though it doesn't always sound like it through the screen, we have ALL been in the place you are... whether for days or minutes or still today, right now. You are not alone in wanting to run away - I actually think about it all the time even though I wouldn't do it. 

Although we didn't have the very best ED T, one thing that she and the dietician insisted on what that we make the meals. And serve them. In fact, our dietician told my D that her only job was to eat them. Even though she'll resist at first, I believe your D will be much more relieved when she doens't have to be part of the decision making. Her ED won't be able to guilt her as much about eating because you give her no choice. You might find, as I did, that the anxiety level actually decreased. If she asks what's in it, did you measure this, etc. I would answer, "yep" without adding anything more or "don't worry - it's how I've made it since you've been born" without entering into that debate with her. She can't do this on her own right now - so even though she won't tell you, she'll probably have some relief when you take charge.

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19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
momtobeauty

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Reply with quote  #16 
Myhelp- It sounds really really tough for you right now and you have a huge load. Please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. None of us did anything wrong. Ohmygod did I cry and cry (privately). Is there anyone at all you can talk to or can you see your doctor? Is there any way to lighten your load? If you are truly overwhelmed and cannot help your daughter, you need to help yourself. It's unfair but I think our children need to see we have confidence that it is going to be ok and also see we have confidence in ourselves to help them. A good treatment team will help to give you confidence that you've got this. (You do). I realize now that that was a big part of the treatment my d got: telling us it was our job to feed her no matter what and telling us we could do it (in front of her).  That helped us to never accept less than full nutrition every day.

I think it's ok to cry sometimes. It's sad and scary when someone we love is hurting and we can't kiss it away. There's good advice here.
Hang in there.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #17 
Myhelp I hope you are feeling better today?
Its so tough on us and not what we planned for in our worst nightmares.
You wil be ok but please look after yourself, its so important.
X

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NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
hope2016

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Reply with quote  #18 
Hi Myhelp,
First off, this has to be one of the MOST difficult disorders to treat- not only are we battling a physical condition, we are up against one hell of a mental condition as well.  Please don't blame yourself.  We really have all been there- many,many tears.  I really feel for you with 4 kids and the ed to contend with.  I too have a husband who is in many ways "absent"- he suffers from depression  and can not always be there when I need him to be- or he isn't able to stand against the eating disorder and the ED wins out- it happens. I also have an older daughter with Asperger's who suffers from depression and has been in and out of treatment- trust me,  I know how absolutely desperate things can get.  
It really helped me to see all of my D's behaviors, as completely the fault of the ED and that I was battling it (the ED) to get to my daughter- because what I was seeing (throwing food, screaming, running away, even hitting and kicking me) was NOT my kid.  In other words, your daughter will throw a tantrum, but every time you "win" by preparing the food yourself, or setting strict rules about time limits/food completion, supplementing with an Ensure...whatever- you take a chunk out of the ED and you get closer to having your daughter back.  The number one thing I would start with is kicking your D out of the kitchen.  You are in charge of what she eats and when she protests, stay strong and with as much calmness as you can muster respond with something like- "This is what you need, this is how I always make it." When she gets up to run away- follow her, try to get her back.  We've been at this almost a year and although our D was weight restored (WR), she lost some weight and now we are trying to get her WR again.    It's amazing how ED sufferers can turn just about anything into an argument- they are the ultimate "spinners"!  
I hope things get better for you- and yes this sucks but it is temporary- I keep imagining a healthy young adult who is able be free and happy.  That keeps me going.  Best of luck to you and let us know how things are going.  
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