F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Justyna67
My daughter was quite chubby before her eating disorder which she developed age 14. By age 14.5 she had lost 12 kilos and so was sent to IP, and afterwards we had both individual and family therapy. We've been monitoring her weight and food since, we give her a supplement milkshake in the morning, 3 good meals and 3 snacks, and occasionally another shake on the evening if she had been especially physically active that day. She is now 16 and weighs 66 kilos at the height of 160cm, with her pre eating disorder weight being 50 kilos at 156cm. I can see her slipping back into old mannerisms and emotions even though she's very well fed, and she blames it on us making her fat and feeding her too much but I thought it was good to have a buffer and she was always naturally chubby, which is healthy for her and not a bad thing. She has her period regularly and her most recent bloods came back normal. How do I make sure she doesn't relapse and why are these thoughts returning despite her not losing any weight for years now and being a healthy weight, and how do I make her see she's not fat? 
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Foodsupport_AUS
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 I can see her slipping back into old mannerisms and emotions even though she's very well fed, and she blames it on us making her fat and feeding her too much but I thought it was good to have a buffer and she was always naturally chubby, which is healthy for her and not a bad thing. She has her period regularly and her most recent bloods came back normal. How do I make sure she doesn't relapse and why are these thoughts returning despite her not losing any weight for years now and being a healthy weight, and how do I make her see she's not fat? 


Welcome to the forum. I think this the crux of many trying to work out the relationship between ED thoughts and weight. We live in a society where thinness is seen as best and associated with beauty whilst being at a higher weight is reviled. Trying to work out where concerns about weight and appearance come from - society or ED is impossible. Trying to convince her she is not fat may be a never ending task. Offering objective weight measures may not help, after all many non ED affected individuals are concerned they are overweight and want to lose weight even if they are at normal weight. I think the best we can do is insist on regular meals, no skipping no allowing in of energy deficit to help protect against relapse, looking at support to deal with other issues which may drive a lack of self confidence that then gets redirected. I would not try to convince her about her weight at all, but rather try to switch a focus to living heathfully not guided by weight but by well being, ie. maintaining heathy habits with respect to food and exercise, focusing on what her body can do. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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