F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

After reading the post by Tabitha Farrar on overshoot that was posted here a while ago, I have a question about WR when the child was overweight (but not bingeing) prior to AN. Prior to weight loss, she was overweight (174 lb) at 16, but had just finally started menses at close to 170 lb. She loved to eat and really did not care to hear about or follow any portion size conversations. I am wondering if she has to overshoot, does that actually mean going all they was back up to her weight prior to engaging in restrictive eating? I am terrified about what that will feel like for her. We have been thinking that we need to WR (150ish is consistent with her growth curve before she started gaining at a fast pace) to not only meet her nutritional needs but to also get her brain back on line so that we can teach her about intuitive eating and being consistent with 3 meals 2 snack per day. Do I really need to start getting my brain around (and my husband on the same page, line, word as me on) having her regain all of the weight? 
D16 diagnosed AN October 2019 -25% of body weight, but still "healthy weight" per Dr.
Started FBT Dec 2019
July 2020 Fully WR + 10%
2 Months in to Phase 2
It might be needed for some time but to be honest nobody here will be able to tell you that.
Normally the advice is to increase weight to their former pre ED weight and wait for brain recovery then.
If your d was a bit overweight before, I personally would refeed her to a normal weight range with some buffer + and see what happens. If she starts to change her behaviour and stopps restricting on a weight of 150 lbs, then fine. If not, you can add a few lbs and see what happens then.
Having menses is a good sign, growing is a good sign (my d grew a bit at age 18 and now again at nearly age 20), normal non ED behaviour is a good sign for a good weight. You need to find out what number that will be.

Try not to be afraid of that overshooting a bit. If that is needed for brain recovery to get started and to start long lasting recovery, that is worth it!
You will get to that point when you think better a few pounds more than starving again...🙂
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
The Kartini clinic blog has several articles that discuss this. Here is one:   https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/determining-ideal-body-weight/

and this

Mom of either pre-diagnosis or non-ed underweight 12 yoa (as of March 2018) kid here to learn how to achieve weight gain.  BMI steadily in the mid 12's for nearly her entire life.  Born 2006. UPDATE:  April 2018 diagnosed ARFID, based solely on weight being less than 75% of Ideal Body Weight.  Mildly picky, but mostly the problem is a volume/early satiety issue, along with abdominal discomfort and chronic constipation, all present since birth.  UPDATE:  July 2019 diagnosed with PANS. Dr. said likely started first PANS episode at less than 1 or 2 years of age.  On long-term daily prophylactic antibiotics. BMI now about 16 after period of intense refeeding prior to PANS dx,  followed by stagnation as we sort out what is next. FWIW ED-D is a fraternal twin and we have no other kids.
I agree that no one here  or elsewhere can tell you whether all that weight plus sometimes a bit more can be needed. I think the Kartini blog about goal weight is a good start. Keeping an open mind and not getting fixed on weight overall I think is the best way forward. She will need her period consecutively for around 3 months to tell you she that she is the right weight and improvement in mental state. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
You're all right. The Kartini site has so much great info. Thank you for linking those two articles. I continue to push all of the info I'm learning to my husband because it is so important that we have a shared vision and understanding of where we are. And, I really don't need to worry about this much right now. Our FBT therapist reminded me yesterday to simply stay focused on her food, not whether she sits to watch a movie with us, not with where she is going. For now, she just simply needs to eat. 
D16 diagnosed AN October 2019 -25% of body weight, but still "healthy weight" per Dr.
Started FBT Dec 2019
July 2020 Fully WR + 10%
2 Months in to Phase 2
Hi Salmy,

This wonderful article just popped up on my feed. I hope it is useful to you.

Warm wishes,

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Excellent article @deenl!

It explains sooo much for our situation, too.

Many thanks, 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.