F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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kas_US
Hi Everyone...Well, I have personally decided that Veritas is my first choice with UCSD as a close second, but she is refusing to fill out any paper work or even consider going to even PHP, much less residential. How in the world do you get someone to go when she is so resistant? She lost another pound and a half, and her blood pressure was down a little this time when she went to the doctor so I know she is getting worse. this is so painful
Weight restored/Phase II
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Francie
Hi Kas,
I know this is painful. I am so sorry.

The only advice I can offer is to talk with her about her future - what she wants to accomplish, what her goals are. Make it not a fight of wills but try to find some common ground you can ally with her on that will show her that treatment is the way for her to take control of her life so she can lead a full life. 

Good luck.

Francie

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iHateED
Hi Kas,

So sorry for your current situation.  It does become so hard as they get older.  UCSD does not offer residential.  They have a day treatment program for under 18 and a day treatment program for over 18.  We attended the one week family intensive when my D was 16 1/2 a few years ago.  It was really helpful for getting us all on the same page.  They suggested that my D stay on for a few weeks to attend their day treatment program so we stayed in the hotel.  Both programs were excellent and I highly recommend them.   My D was also screaming that she was not going to go, that we could not make her get on the plane.  We sort of talked it up as a mini vacation and that could be what she told her friends since she didn't want to tell anyone she was attending treatment.   Are you considering the one week intensive or having your D attend their day treatment program?  For the one week program, you provide all your own food.   For the day treatment program, they provide all the food, which is very good as they have on staff chefs who prepare the food.  Much better than hospital food that many PHP's serve.     Please let me know if you have any questions about the area or the program.  

Hang in there!
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kas_US

iHateED wrote:
Hi Kas,

So sorry for your current situation.  It does become so hard as they get older.  UCSD does not offer residential.  They have a day treatment program for under 18 and a day treatment program for over 18.  We attended the one week family intensive when my D was 16 1/2 a few years ago.  It was really helpful for getting us all on the same page.  They suggested that my D stay on for a few weeks to attend their day treatment program so we stayed in the hotel.  Both programs were excellent and I highly recommend them.   My D was also screaming that she was not going to go, that we could not make her get on the plane.  We sort of talked it up as a mini vacation and that could be what she told her friends since she didn't want to tell anyone she was attending treatment.   Are you considering the one week intensive or having your D attend their day treatment program?  For the one week program, you provide all your own food.   For the day treatment program, they provide all the food, which is very good as they have on staff chefs who prepare the food.  Much better than hospital food that many PHP's serve.     Please let me know if you have any questions about the area or the program.  

Hang in there!


Yes, the UCSD would be the family intensive, but I feel sure they would recommend the PHP. Thanks for the heads up about the food. I didn't realize we had to provide our own for the week. That's interesting especially with most people traveling there.  The ONLY thing keeping her from totally shutting down the UCSD option is that she loves San Diego and would be able to talk it up as a mini vacation!

Honestly, I want her to go the Veritas (residential) route because she (the ED) just brutalizes me, and I don't think I can take it even with the support of the program. sigh

Weight restored/Phase II
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kas_US
Francie wrote:
Hi Kas,
I know this is painful. I am so sorry.

The only advice I can offer is to talk with her about her future - what she wants to accomplish, what her goals are. Make it not a fight of wills but try to find some common ground you can ally with her on that will show her that treatment is the way for her to take control of her life so she can lead a full life. 

Good luck.


Thanks, Francie...I will try that. Unfortunately, she really feels like her life is full right now, but you're right, somehow I have to help her see that I am on her side.
Weight restored/Phase II
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iHateED
I assume the adult one week would be very similar to the under 18 one week.   Monday they provide the food if I remember correctly but Tuesday through Friday you bring your own.  They give you space in the refrigerator and in the kitchen to keep your food so you can bring in most on the first day if you want.   I think the reason for bringing your own food is because the point of the program is to learn how to feed and how to get them to eat so it makes more sense to do it with your normal food choices.    You bring breakfast, lunch and two snacks for each day for everyone in your family attending.   Our hotel had a breakfast buffet so I would go there at 7am and make up three to-go containers (pancakes, waffles, eggs, etc) for our breakfast at the program.  Then I would grab some yogurt or bagels for our snacks!   There is a whole foods nearby so I would usually get something pre-made from there for lunch.  Others brought bread and sandwich ingredients for lunch.   I guess it should be whatever is typical for your family.  We too love San Diego so that was a good incentive to get D on the plane.  After program each day we would walk on the beaches and watch the sunset (always so pretty on the west coast). 

It does sound like your D may need more help than the one week program.  They would probably allow her to continue in their day program but she would be with you at night.  How long could you stay in California if need be?

I have heard great things about Veritas as well.  This is definitely a longer program and they have a good step down system that involves the family. 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. 
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mnmomUSA

When we were at UCSD family intensive last summer, they provided the snacks (plenty of options...yogurt, nuts, trail mix, etc).  You could bring your own snacks if nothing suited.  We stayed in a rental apartment while we were there and stocked up on "quick" breakfast and dinner items at the local Costco.  Breakfast was a bagel, fruit, cream cheese (or similar).  For lunch, we used the small deli located on the first floor of the building.  They made great sandwiches and also smoothies.  The owner of the deli was very kind and helpful in "adjusting" the ingredients in D's food to make them more calorie dense (for example, adding canola oil to the smoothies).  I'd highly recommend staying in an apartment while there, simply because for my D, the thought of eating 7 days in a row of restaurant dinners was unbearable.  We ate out for dinner only a single time in the week.  She was fine with deli sandwiches, etc for lunch because it replicated what we ordinarily do for lunch while at home or while she's at school.

(The first day, they DO provide lunch, but after that, you are on your own...we were able to use refrigerator space to store our gallon of whole milk....something D drinks quite a lot of for snacks and all meals)

Just an FYI:  This is the place we rented.  It worked out great for the three of us....D, my husband and myself.  It might be a bit small for a larger group.  Quiet area...about 20 min from the program.


https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/4344222?euid=d9072035-85d9-3b99-63de-692c0e444d12

D, age 18, first diagnosed March 20, 2013, RAN, at age 13 Hospitalized 3 weeks for medical stability. FBT at home since.  UCSD Multi-family Intensive June 2015. We've arrived on the other side.  :-)  D at college and doing great!
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kas_US
Thank you! That's very helpful!
Weight restored/Phase II
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Cherryusa
Kas,

I'm sure you read the reviews on this forum and see Veritas is an excellent program. They were able to work with my d when no one else could but this was several years ago. She is now 19 and we have been trying to get her admitted again but her bf offered her a place to live and has encouraged her to leave her family. My plan was to require her to go or all financial support would end and it has. They will get her to eat and you will have plenty of opportunity to eat with her down the road. The food plan is really good in my opinion. Food is high quality and varied and they learn to eyeball portions and eat at restaurants often. I've been to UCSD and it's great too but not enough for some. At this juncture you and your daughter may make more progress at Veritas. My plan for our d was to require she facilitate the admission or we would obtain guardianship. I hope you can gently let her know she has no choice and you will have to pull all support if she won't get help. You have chosen an excellent program with a very pleasant atmosphere and lots of support for the family. When my d was 16 we loaded her into the car and came close to calling the police if she didn't cooperate, it was ugly. Once she got there she calmed at down and after a few weeks began making a lot of progress. Once you get your d there I believe they will be able to get her to stay for a while. I'm hoping for you and pray it works out!
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