F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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mbsmom
Hi again,

My 16 yr s with AN has been doing okay with food for a long while over 9 weeks. I posted a few days ago that he has the last weeks of school so under a lot of pressure in that respect. Last night we sat to dinner and we had ravoli - which he said said was disgusting and tasted like vomit. Then went on to tell me how I prepare the food is so gross with too much butter. He also said he doesnt like anything he eats except burritos.

He refused to eat the ravoli and went on about how he cant wait to get out of this house so he has total control over everything.

I was completely unprepared for this last night and quite shaken up by it. I am going to go ahead and guess that the stress of school is a trigger for the ed behaviors?

Anyone experience this type of behavior out of the blue?

Thanks so much.
Mbsmom
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ValentinaGermania
Hi mbsmom,
I can tell you that my d has stronger ED thoughts with stress (in school, with friends, because of something going wrong...), too.
In normal days I sometimes forget for some hours that we have ED in the house. But it is still lurking in the edges and comes to visit when she has extra stress or not eaten enough fat on some days. It is rare now to see ED, but sometimes it is there as you say "out of the blue".
I just try to not engage with that on these days and add extra fat the next day.

Maybe he did lose some weight because of school stress and that caused the ED thoughts coming back?
Or did he grow?
How did you react when he refused to eat the ravioli?
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Francie
Hi mbsmom,
You are right that the stress of school and anorexic thoughts fueled the outburst last night. It is unexpected, but, to be expected from time to time. It has happened and continues to happen in my house, too. Now that my d is older she is calmer and more measured in her outbursts but we have witnessed what you have experienced - full blown swearing, throwing things, all out of the blue because we've asked her to eat or questioned something she did or didn't do.

Please learn as best you can to shake it off and know it is not personal -- even though it very much feels like it. 

You may find these threads helpful: 

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/Rage-and-Abuse-6082903?highlight=violent#gsc.tab=0

and 

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/its-official-she-hates-me-and-i-have-ruined-her-life-6548051?&trail=25#gsc.tab=0

One thing that keeps me going is I heard one mom say we have been called to the "Green Beret of Parenting". And another mom who said "most other children are like dandelions, they grow and grow and we don't have to do much to keep them healthy and growing. But our children are like orchids, and require a very different type of care". 

Hang in there. Know that things will improve. XO
 

Francie

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ValentinaGermania
Hi francie,
I love that:
"One thing that keeps me going is I heard one mom say we have been called to the "Green Beret of Parenting". And another mom who said "most other children are like dandelions, they grow and grow and we don't have to do much to keep them healthy and growing. But our children are like orchids, and require a very different type of care"."
And it just made me laugh imagining mbsmom will tell her son he is an orchid if he has an outburst again [biggrin].
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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jcutch
I also have a 16 year old son who has exams this week. We have noticed a definite increase in anxiety and ED behaviors and lashing out at meal time over the past few weeks. Even though he says he is not stressed over his exams, I'm sure this is contributing to his behavior. His RD has said she has seen it with several of her high school aged kids in the past few weeks.
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mbsmom
tina72 wrote:
Hi mbsmom,
I can tell you that my d has stronger ED thoughts with stress (in school, with friends, because of something going wrong...), too.
In normal days I sometimes forget for some hours that we have ED in the house. But it is still lurking in the edges and comes to visit when she has extra stress or not eaten enough fat on some days. It is rare now to see ED, but sometimes it is there as you say "out of the blue".
I just try to not engage with that on these days and add extra fat the next day.

Maybe he did lose some weight because of school stress and that caused the ED thoughts coming back?
Or did he grow?
How did you react when he refused to eat the ravioli?
Tina72


Hi Tina,

Thank you for your response. I was taken back by his reaction to the ravoli and he went to his room. I followed and calmly listened to him and ended up making him one of those high calorie smoothies. Which he drank right down. Later in our talk he said he will continue to eat what I serve until he can move out. *sigh*
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mbsmom
Francie wrote:
Hi mbsmom,
You are right that the stress of school and anorexic thoughts fueled the outburst last night. It is unexpected, but, to be expected from time to time. It has happened and continues to happen in my house, too. Now that my d is older she is calmer and more measured in her outbursts but we have witnessed what you have experienced - full blown swearing, throwing things, all out of the blue because we've asked her to eat or questioned something she did or didn't do.

Please learn as best you can to shake it off and know it is not personal -- even though it very much feels like it. 

You may find these threads helpful: 

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/Rage-and-Abuse-6082903?highlight=violent#gsc.tab=0

and 

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/its-official-she-hates-me-and-i-have-ruined-her-life-6548051?&trail=25#gsc.tab=0

One thing that keeps me going is I heard one mom say we have been called to the "Green Beret of Parenting". And another mom who said "most other children are like dandelions, they grow and grow and we don't have to do much to keep them healthy and growing. But our children are like orchids, and require a very different type of care". 

Hang in there. Know that things will improve. XO
 


Thank you for this Franice! Xo
Someone recently told me the dandelion and orchid story and it's very true. My s is an orchid and d is a dandelion.
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mbsmom
jcutch wrote:
I also have a 16 year old son who has exams this week. We have noticed a definite increase in anxiety and ED behaviors and lashing out at meal time over the past few weeks. Even though he says he is not stressed over his exams, I'm sure this is contributing to his behavior. His RD has said she has seen it with several of her high school aged kids in the past few weeks.


Thank you for this jcutch! So good to know I'm not alone and typical behavior. Xoxo
I would love to hear more about your s and where he is in recovery and how he is doing. 😊
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Mamaroo
Hi Mbsmom

"I followed and calmly listened to him and ended up making him one of those high calorie smoothies. Which he drank right down."

Well done on the smoothie! Just forget what he said about your cooing, it was just his anxiety talking.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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