F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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dailystruggle
D refused her chicken (although she did eat everything else and drank her milk).  She screamed and kept saying I am so scared, I just can't do it over and over again.  We have had absolutely no help and ucsd is not till the end of the month.  Do they really  not know why they are so scared and can they really absolutely not do it!! Are we forcing something they really can not do.  My husband wants to give up because it is so hard. In reality she has eaten good all week between 2000-2500 calories every day. It looks like she has picked meat to be her item she is going to fight. Last week she like chicken but any meat we are putting in front of her she is rejecting. I told by husband that I think we were sucessful because she did in fact eat and I think we are going to face these meltdowns for a long time.  Are we going foward. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Sherry Savage
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YogurtParfait_US
It is good that your daughter did eat some of her dinner. One thing you can do is to require the calories to be replaced with something else after the meal--like a bedtime milkshake. The system we have in place is that if she does not eat part of the meal, the calories are added back (even if not the exact item) to a later meal or snack. She also has an activity cancelled, if there is something to cancel. 

And, it is okay to start with easier foods. The idea of magic plate is that the child is required to eat what you plate. You may find that she objects just as much to "easier" foods--as you said, chicken was okay last week, but not tonight. (The chicken my daughter currently is screaming about is something she ate without issue two days ago ...). The disorder tries to eliminate as many foods from the diet as possible.

Don't question yourself. Tomorrow is a new day. My suggestion is to plate foods that you think will be easy. They may not be, but it is a place to start. Then, as her eating improves, add back in harder foods.

Milkshakes were very helpful to my daughter in early days--I could keep the "eating" amount smaller that way.

We are 7 months into this, but she still has bad meals ... one or two a month???

She is still screaming, by the way--she spent some time under the table, and that was quiet, but when she gets back up into her chair and is told to eat she screams again. I don't know how long this will go on.

YP
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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dailystruggle
Thank you!  It is so so so hard!!! We have tried milk shakes but another item right now she absolutely refuses. We will keep plugging away.
Sherry Savage
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YogurtParfait_US
Keep plugging away. It is very hard.

My daughter is still screaming ...

YP
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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Onedayatatime_USA
Sherry-my D found it helpful for me to feed her toward the end of meals when she was having a hard time. It was almost like it was ok for her to eat if I feed her but not if she did it herself. Hang in there it gets better I promise.
Having fun in Tween Land.
DX--11 yrs 5 mons (5/12), WR--12 yrs(12/12)
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YogurtParfait_US
I also spoon-fed my daughter at the beginning.

Update on tonight: I sent her to the tub after 2 1/2 hours at the table without eating (she ate about two bites, and drank about 1/5th of her milk). She asked if she could skip dinner. I told her she would get a big dessert.

She's now at the table eating a milkshake and a small plate of cheese-it crackers. Probably makes up the calories of dinner ... her weight is very good, so the main point here is psychological, that she is eating a VERY BIG dessert and not her usual dessert of half a banana or a scoop of ice cream or a couple of cookies or yogurt ...

(she's a little girl, which is why
YP
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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sinkorswim_usa
I have good luck spoon feeding my daughter too. Otherwise it can take hours to get even a bite or two into her. she screams. She crys. She hits me. She growls. We eat. She screams. A little rest time and it all time to do it again. I think a lot of the screaming is related to not having other outlets for all the anxiety and emotions (both food or otherwise). Having a distraction of sorts helps a lot too! We play go fish. Have to take bites in between turns. But sbecause my daughter is only five our distractions are quite simplified.



On a side note, re the Ed mindset, sometimes it honestly feels impossible, but it is not. To me when it was really bad I truly thought that if I ate it would be like that subway commercial... Instant fat. And it is exhausting in every possible way. My brain still defaults to starving as a solution to any worry, but I have learned to ignore it for the most part.

(edited out video link)
Sink or Swim
Pacific Northwest USA
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Anorexic Mom and 5 year old Anorexic daughter
Fighting ED together!
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mec
Sinkorswim,

I am not a mod so this is just a suggestion based on the values of the forum and the conversations that we have had about theses issues related to posting dieting type of information, etc. I really think that this commercial could be highly triggering to many people on several levels: hurtful to those parents in the trenches and triggering to the many, many sufferers who troll this website in search of some hope and comfort.

I know when my daughter was ill and for several years afterwards, seeing commercials like this was like a kick in the gut. I switched the channel as quickly as I could. I also know that this commercial is supposed to be "funny" but the message behind it is not.


21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
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sinkorswim_usa
I edited out the link...

I was not trying to be funny, just that sometimes that's how the mindset goes is like that commercial as an illustration of it is all. I meant no harm!

I actually have found that commercial useful with helping other family members that don't get it at all to open up a better understanding of why it can be so hard for someone in the throes to "just eat". It takes a tremendous amount of effort to override the thought processes.
Sink or Swim
Pacific Northwest USA
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Anorexic Mom and 5 year old Anorexic daughter
Fighting ED together!
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mec
Sink,

I didn't think that you were trying to be funny. I said that the commercial is trying to use humor to sell you on their message that eating certain foods will make you blow up.

WOW! What an eye opener to hear about the thought process of someone with anorexia. My d has told me that she thought that eating certain foods would make her fat but I didn't realize that she would actually believe that she would blow up instantly.
21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
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sinkorswim_usa
ok gotcha!

Yes now that I am wr and more solid in my recovery sometimes if I think something (Ed thoughts), and then I am like "what the heck this IS REDICUlOUS!" when I catch the thought go through my mind. It's really wild now that I'm on the uphill side of things.

Of course everyone is different but I know that sort of thinking really got me in a ton of trouble around fluids (even water) and "heavy" foods regardless of caloric content because they had me convinced that the physical weight of the food or drink would be equal lb for lb. This resulted in constant dehydration.

I have made sure my daughter has no scale access, she's pretty distressed over growing out of some of her clothes. Guess its time to start in on magic wardrobe now.
Sink or Swim
Pacific Northwest USA
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Anorexic Mom and 5 year old Anorexic daughter
Fighting ED together!
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