F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scaredmom2019
We are WR. At the end of IOP. Doing pretty well overall. 

Im curious about this. Went to give my D17 a large cookie for late snack and she said she didn't want that. When asked why she says she already had a large cookie with dinner and that's probably enough. She says dessert is not needed everyday. She instead asked for ramen and sour gummies which she easily ate (probably more calories than the cookie).

I tend to understand her feelings on the cookie thing. What im wondering is: am I letting ED win? In some ways I think so but at the same time she had no issue consuming the same, or more, caloric value in something other than a cookie (and she did have a big one at dinner).

Do you all agree this is "ok"? 
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MKR
I agree this is OK, because you had the alternative on standby.  Personally, I wonder if sugar at bedtime is the issue, only because it makes one feel full sooner than fats do. 

If large cookies are not a problem as such, then she can still have them the next day, just not at bedtime. And have something else as late snack. But make it obvious that it is your choice, not ED's 😀. Because you are in charge 👍.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Enn
food in =win
No matter what it is.
Good job!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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PurpleRain
I would challenge the rule (one big cookie a day is enough) because it sounds ED to me (but of course you know your kid and your "normal"), even if you don't give it at bed time.
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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Torie
PurpleRain wrote:
I would challenge the rule (one big cookie a day is enough) because it sounds ED to me (but of course you know your kid and your "normal"), even if you don't give it at bed time.


Good point.  Most days, one big cookie per day probably is enough, but flexibility is important, too. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
I also would challenge it as it sounds very much an ED rule. It is for sure not needed to eat 3 cookies every day or have a desert after every meal but it MUST BE POSSIBLE. So if she had said "I do not want that cookie now, I prefer some chocolate/gummies instead" that is normal and no ED talk. But to say "one cookie per day is enough" sounds to me like ED talk. It must be possible to eat 2 cookies now and then! 😁
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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PurpleRain
Exactly, sometimes they say things that to an untrained eye (or ear In this case) would appear normal, but the way they say it sounds ED . My D yesterday told me she didn't want a particular snack, she preferred another, perfectly normal it would appear but I asked why, just in case. She said because you changed last minute. Huge red flag (for my D anyway), so I give her the "new"  unannounced one (and later the one she "prefered"). 
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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Scaredmom2019
This is good feedback. Thank you! I do think it was ED saying no to the cookie... though she did quickly come up with alternatives, that were actually more caloric and still had sweets too.

There is this fine balance of having her eat but also trying to respect her desire to not just eat "junk food". I get that. She is WR and as long as she's willing to eat some sweets everyday I think we are on the right path. She kind of has it in her head that one dessert per day is enough...and it kind of is. She still will eat candies/sour gummies in addition to the one dessert everyday so it's not a hard fast rule....yet.  Watching closely to maintain how far have we gotten.

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Enn
I actually feel your d did well as you say. She has learned:
1 she has to have a snack 
2 she learned that the snack she picked was absolutely appropriate. If she said no to a snack then I would worry. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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PurpleRain
At this point, for my d is about flexibility. She is WR+ and she eats what I serve, she can make some decisions (do you prefer sweet or savory snack, do you want this option or the other, she has said she is hungry, she has served her self) but I still see ED rules sometimes (like the example I gave about the snack yesterday), so my focus with her is very much flexibility at the moment. Your d might be in a different place whatsoever of course.
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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Torie
Watching closely to maintain how far have we gotten.

You are killing it!  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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MKR
You seem to have a trained eye, or ear - as PurpleRain said. So you can release/ tighten the grip accordingly. 

I still insist on MY meals eaten in full. Because my D's ED tried a little trick. She ate a challenge snack (a chocolate bar) just before dinner - thinking she'd impress me, and then tried to skip the dinner.  So we now put the snack aside and she has it for dessert.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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