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Jeanette Show full post »
Torie
For some reason, that reminded me of the time I gently stroked my d's head, and she howled, "Mom, that's my HEAD!!!"  like I had poured acid on it or something.  So sad that they have to act that way. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
Jeanette wrote:
Thank you all for your replies.  The problem is gd doesn’t want to come home (or I should say ED doesn’t want gd to come home)  so she thinks by not eating they won’t make her come again.  So taking her back would be playing into its hands as that is what she wants.  She wouldn’t have supported snack at hospital before but it was due to happen this week, although she might refuse again now.  We visited fur the first time since Christmas and she sat with her head on the table for an hour not speaking at all.  When we left she said ‘don’t touch me’   Very sad. 😒


I can remember a girl that tried the same to avoid going back home and to avoid talking about recovery.
The team then made clear that she will go home again although she did not eat there and that she must. And that they will feed all the missed food in IP in addition when she is back. ED learned that no matter what he does, home leave will happen and food will go in.
She is at home for about 6 months now.

Can you talk with the team how to handle that that ED does not destroy everything? ED should not win with that...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Jeanette



I can remember a girl that tried the same to avoid going back home and to avoid talking about recovery.
The team then made clear that she will go home again although she did not eat there and that she must. And that they will feed all the missed food in IP in addition when she is back. ED learned that no matter what he does, home leave will happen and food will go in.
She is at home for about 6 months now.

Can you talk with the team how to handle that that ED does not destroy everything? ED should not win with that...


That is what has been happening, when she gets back to the unit she has to make up all missed calories with fortsip.  It is usually just a snack she has missed, but this time, on the overnight stay, it was 2 snacks and breakfast.  She refused all food and drink as soon as she got back.  
After speaking to gd they now think that it might be because she is worried about getting discharged when she is wr but she feels she is worse mentally. They are trying to get her back to eating without the tube asap.  

 

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Enn

Jeanette wrote:



After speaking to gd they now think that it might be because she is worried about getting discharged when she is wr but she feels she is worse mentally. They are trying to get her back to eating without the tube asap.  


This a real possibility. They do get comfortable there for many reasons. I know here, when d was IP, they told us they try to keep them for as short a time as possible.
Our goal for discharge was 80% WR and medical stability then home for FBT. They actually did acknowledge that they try their best not to keep them too long as they do know how comfortable these kids can get. They do feel safe in IP. Knowing what I know now, it makes sense. My d kept the routine from IP at hole by  herself and would wake me up for breakfast and went to bed the same time as
Ip. That was her OCD traits with AN. 

🌺

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
Jeanette wrote:

After speaking to gd they now think that it might be because she is worried about getting discharged when she is wr but she feels she is worse mentally. They are trying to get her back to eating without the tube asap. 


My d also did not want to come home first as she thought that everyone would think she is "healthy" then. That is a totally normal ED thought. They are afriad that nobody will see they are sick when they are WR.
I told my d then that when she sits in a tube with 50 other people in there she will not see who has cancer and who has diabetes and who has had a heart attack of these people. That when we look at somebody that does not seem to be sick that does not mean that this person is not sick. That helped her a bit.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Jeanette
Enn wrote:

 


This a real possibility. They do get comfortable there for many reasons. I know here, when d was IP, they told us they try to keep them for as short a time as possible.
Our goal for discharge was 80% WR and medical stability then home for FBT. They actually did acknowledge that they try their best not to keep them too long as they do know how comfortable these kids can get. They do feel safe in IP. 

 



Yes, this is what she is worried about. She is around 95% wr but would not eat anything on home leave and it’s hard to see how that will change any time soon even if she didn’t have the tube.  



My d also did not want to come home first as she thought that everyone would think she is "healthy" then. That is a totally normal ED thought. They are afriad that nobody will see they are sick when they are WR.

Gd still says she’s not physically ill just institutionalised!   I think that is something she’s picked up on when they’ve said she would be if she didn’t have home leave.  She picks out certain things from conversations and sticks to them.  

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ValentinaGermania
Here it also helped to be careful with words.
We always told everybody my d is "in recovery" and did not say "recovered".
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
We had to say our d "had accidentally become  underweight" and could never use the words AN or ED. 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Torie
Jeanette wrote:
We visited fur the first time since Christmas and she sat with her head on the table for an hour not speaking at all.  When we left she said ‘don’t touch me’   Very sad. 😒

That sounds heartbreaking.  I'm really glad you went, though.  Your real gd needs her family even though ED makes her push you away.  She is probably desperate for the loving touch that ED is forcing her to reject.  Do you send her cards and notes?  Some have found that even though their ED-kid gave every signal of wanting no contact, they later found that every card, note, and trinket was carefully saved. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Jeanette

Yes Tori, we do send cards and text every night.   

D and older sister went to visit today and she said it was the best visit they’d had.  She spoke to them and played some games but still wouldn’t let them hug or kiss her goodbye.   Do you think she is feeling calmer because she’s not  eating even though she knows the calories are still going in via tube?   X

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CED123
Jeanette - our D wont hug because she says she doesn't want people feeling how fat she is. So it's possibly not simply rejection but maybe this.
Currently no light; only tunnel 🙁
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Torie
Jeanette, it is really great that you keep reaching out despite the rejection.  This whole thing must be so hard for all concerned.  I am going to hope it is a positive sign that she was calmer today - I have no way to know what the real reason is.  I suppose time will tell.  I will keep my fingers crossed that it will last. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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MKR
I am so happy for your daughter that she's finally had a good visit to your gd! 🌺🌼🌺
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Jeanette

Yes it was a good visit and makes everyone feel happier for a while.  I hope it’s good when younger siblings visit at weekend too. 
Gd had started sending us all a short text at night for the last week, she stopped doing this at Christmas, but didn’t text anyone last night.  Poor thing, she must have been feeling guilty for being nice at the visit.  😒

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ValentinaGermania
Jeanette wrote:
  Do you think she is feeling calmer because she’s not  eating even though she knows the calories are still going in via tube?   X


That is quite possible. In that case she does not feel that guilty because it is not her "fault" that the food is going in but the ward is threatening that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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