F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Foodsupport_AUS
This is for all those dealing with their first Christmas with ED. I know that it will not be the same as it has been in the past. I remember the grief and sadness of our first Christmas with ED 9 years ago. At the time she was still so desperately ill and it seemed nothing was working. 

Each year since then things have slowly become more normal. My D became pescetarian when she developed ED. The first few years we just stuck to a meal plan, no changes from her normal day. Then slowly we introduced more special foods, special sauces,cakes and puddings. The last few years she again has been involved in meal preparation, she makes sumptuous desserts and enjoys eating them too. This year was the first year meat has been on the menu, we often have seafood anyway but added some duck too. There are no food restrictions at home any more, the only things she doesn't eat are historic dislikes and she had very broad tastes before ED. She made ice cream for today with pure/double cream. She ate a large three course meal and snacks as well, then rested back and talked about how sleepy she is after a large meal. 

Some kids may get there slowly and others more quickly, but just wishing all of those really struggling this year the best Christmas you can have and know that it can and does get better. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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teecee

Thanks for this. I needed to come away for some me time to process today. My AN D is generally doing really well. Today she wanted to try Rhubarb Pie as it’s a fear food (the pastry). Unfortunately she bought ‘light’ custard to go with it but I am against diet or light anything. We have whole foods etc. I replaced it with normal custard however she noticed I hadn’t used the custard she had bought and wouldn’t eat the pie. She got upset about why I didn’t understand how hard it was for her to eat the pie (which I do) and that the ‘light’ custard was to make it easier for her. I explained why I wouldn’t endorse light foods (my concern being what will be next....semi skimmed milk?!...etc) but she couldn’t understand. 

Am I being ridiculous? Should I endorse eating the pie with the custard she wants or stick to not allowing the light custard?? This illness messes me up sometimes!!!

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PurpleRain
Thanks so much foodsupport, it is indeed our first Christmas with ED (at least in the open), luckily she is eating almost everything again and enjoying the season, but I am still nervous. She started eating "healthy" last year in September but started really really restricting in January this year after the holidays, so I'm watching her like a hawk and having this flashbacks about last year, thinking did she seem happy last year? Did she eat this last year? Has she eaten enough? (I was in the kitchen and H was in charge of the kids). It is exhausting but so far so good. We still have a bit to go for today, but really is the entire season that is difficult and in my case I would still be nervous/hypervigilant all January, I'm already feeling a bit PTSD. She has been socializing (which is great don't get me wrong,  but nerve racking).
Wishing you all wonderful parents the best possible Christmas and a much better year in 2020.
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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MKR
Thank you @Foodsupport_AUS ,

My heart goes out to all the families whose Christmas will be very different, perhaps even a bit difficult this year. 

It can feel a bit isolating, too. I still have the pangs of "Why my child?" when I see others preparing for their usual celebrations, remembering the fear of our first holiday season with ED. But it will get better and we will all get good at handling it.

Rather than on food, this is a good opportunity to go back to the core values  and focus more on kindness to others. 

Sending hugs to all the families and wishing you - members and browsers  - the best possible Christmas time and progress in the New Year.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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MKR
@teecee, on the subject of "light", I avoid them for other reasons. I read somewhere that stevia can emulate sugar in tricking the pancreas into releasing too much insulin. So I prefer not to tamper with it and stick to what I know. 

We (actually I) made it a New Year rule "no reading the labels" ("important facts" as my D calls them). I will try to say it as often as I can, hoping it will sink in and be etched in her memory for the rest of her life. 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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teecee
Thanks MKR I agree with you on that. I just needed to reach out for support .... am I right or wrong on this issue? Should I not be so rigid? Just feeling it today. Tomorrow’s another day ....
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PurpleRain
I think (obviously just my opinion) that you are right, light milk will follow, Stevia would follow, other "clean" " healthy" options will follow. At the moment at least I don't endorse any "healthy" "clean" "better" (not) options at home. There will be a time perhaps for more flexibility (although I don't think I'll ever buy that sort of items, we never did anyway) in the sense that if you go to a place where they use that sort of milk/mayonnaise/whatever, you eat it, but for now, my policy is full fat everything, no "light" options available. But that's just what works for us, just my 2 cents. You of course will make the right decision for your D
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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teecee
Thanks Purplerain. I think I just needed reassurance today. I’m on the same page as you. 
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Enn

 This year was the first year meat has been on the menu, we often have seafood anyway but added some duck too. There are no food restrictions at home any more, the only things she doesn't eat are historic dislikes and she had very broad tastes before ED. She made ice cream for today with pure/double cream. She ate a large three course meal and snacks as well, then rested back and talked about how sleepy she is after a large meal. 
 


@Foodsupport_AUS , that is wonderful!
thank you for this thread and sharing how things progressed for your d. I am so happy about how today went for you all!! ❤️
Hurray for duck and full cream ice cream!! 

One thing that helped me during the first Christmas holidays was to remind myself that a few months earlier were crazy difficult and that we had come so far already. 
That each day was a gift, weird to say that I  know. But  that the work we were
putting in everyday , even Christmas Day, was a day closer to getting better. 
For those just starting out, I know it is awful and hard and so fraught with upset.  
You are working so hard for your kids. We are all here together to help each other and although today may be hard, it is another step on the pathway towards health. 
Be kind to yourselves this holiday season. It is ok to just have an ok day with ED. 

@teecee
I am sending you a big hug. 🤗 
You are an awesome mom. You have carried her this far and I know what you have been through.  I am sorry you have had some stress today. 

@MKR,
yes it is isolating and it is normal to be envious of others’ holiday celebrations. And you are right ,the message, the true meaning of these holidays rings true when there is ED in the home. Love and kindness are what matters. One thing others can never understand is the joy, pure joy that WE have when our kids eat some pie or ice cream. No one can take take that away from us. I think I experience happiness in a deeper way now than Pre-ED . When we have lost ‘normal’ we are so grateful for it when it shows up. My heart  is more compassionate to others’ struggles. I think that is a gift. 

@PurpleRain,
The body and mind are so aware
of the time of year and of course you will feel anxious as it is almost the one year anniversary for you and dealing with Ed.
look at how far you have come!! Well done. Remember that. You made her better. And you know what she needs. 

Sending hugs to all. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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PurpleRain
Thank you Enn, it's great to have this forum. Keep us updated tecee.
Hugs to you all. 
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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