F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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UKmumof2
Hi. I’m not really sure why I’m posting here other than to sound off and hope someone can reassure/help. My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with AN yesterday. Her weight/height ratio was around 84%. She is due to see the dietician today and I’m scared to death. Getting a slice of toast down her this morning was met with anger and hatred. She has been told no dance class until her potassium goes up which has devastated her. We also have a 9 year old with type 1 diabetes and I’m just not sure I can cope. Thank you for any wisdom. We’re in the UK. 
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deenl
Hi UKmumof2 and welcome,

The initial phases of concern and worry about what might be wrong with our kids and then the shock of hearing that they have an eating disorder are very emotional and stressful. We really do understand, we can all remember the feelings of fear, bewilderment and chaos in our minds and hearts. It will pass, I promise. 

In my opinion, the greatest tool we parents have is knowledge about the illness. That knowledge is calming as there is nothing worse than the fear of the unknown. It also means that we know what to expect, that things like extreme emotions are, unfortunately, totally normal during treatment and that we really are doing the best thing even though it looks like we have made things worse by tweaking on the tiger's tail and enforcing normal food intake. That knowledge also empowers us as the people best positioned to insist on recovery focused behaviours day in, day out and how on earth we might go about actually getting our kids to eat.

There is a huge learning curve for parents and the resources that I would suggest are
You are in a tough phase on the journey of dealing with the illness but I can assure you that you will get through it, even though you are juggling your other daughter's medical needs too. Your daughter is young and younger patients have a good prognosis because they are in the supportive envoirnment of home for a longer period. So hold that knowledge and hope close. 

Please come back to ask any questions you have on the whole journey, to seek support or to vent in a safe environment because there is no doubt that this is challenging to all parents and we do need all the help we can get.

Wishing you strength and courage,

D

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Enn

Hi there and welcome!
We all do understand your fear and concern. This was on top of your other child's type 1 diabetes. I am sure that is bound to trigger those emotions and worries you had when he was diagnosed, for sure. I hope he is doing well and that you are more comfortable with his diabetes management.
Just as you have learned about diabetes, you will surely learn about ED and that will be empowering as you accumulate the knowledge. To be honest, you already understand nutrition from the diabetes point of view and you are in a good position to help your d. Some have found that the dietitians do not really help others found they did help. We found both. In the hospital at diagnosis, the dietitian showed me how many calories she was eating so I could do that and add more at home. The other dietitian as out patient was not helpful to us. At the beginning the key will be getting a lot of calories into the smallest "Food print". By that I mean I took what d ate already and added in more sugars, oils, cream to her diet to bump up the calories.  Then over time the volumes and types of foods were expanded.

If you wish, you may share what she is eating now and we can help with ideas. I, for example would add cream to her milk. I used grape juice (180 cal per cup vs apple juice 120 cal per cup) I added canola or olive oil to sauces and meats  to get the calories up. The beginning is the hardest as that is where the steep curve of learning happens. You see ED come out when she fights you. That is actually a good sign. You know then that is what you have to tackle. 
We too had to take d out of gym and soccer until she was healthy. It is not a punishment it is part of the treatment. 

I know you are overwhelmed and it does get better. It is yuck at the beginning, that is true. 
We will do our best to help you in anyway we can. We have all been there in some way, shape and form. Please ask all the questions you have, that way we know what you need.
Sending a hug!

 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum, so sorry that you have had to find your way here. A new diagnosis is always frightening. I agree with scaredmom and deenl  that reading lots is really important. Those references you have been given are great. Your D's response to being offered toast was normal and expected. Given her low potassium are you or have you been aware of vomiting/purging. This is the commonest cause of low potassium in eating disorders and requires a lot of vigilance to stop. This includes immediate and direct supervision for at least and hour after meals and snacks, making sure she uses the bathroom before meals and not after. This may mean potentially missing part of school. 

If you have not been aware unfortunately it is still something that needs serious consideration. 

The fact that you have already dealt with Type 1 diabetes means that you have a bit of a handle on portion sizes and exchanges, which can give you some assistance with looking at portions and amounts for your D. I hope the dietitian appointment goes well. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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UKmumof2
Thank you all so much. The dietician appointment was difficult as we expected and again she is in hysterics that the dietician said she couldn’t dance until her blood levels are up. I’m as sure as I can be that she isn’t vomiting (though I know people with EDs become very good at hiding things) and we now have a meal plan that she really doesn’t like. She is screaming at me again, which I find so hard. She is probably one of the most polite young people out there and to hear her shouting and swearing is just awful. 

I think my my biggest concern now is that if she shows no signs of engaging does that make hospital a foregone conclusion? 😢 She says life isn’t worth living now - which again is hard when yesterday morning, before the suggestion she can’t dance, she said quite firmly that she was in no way suicidal. 

Again thank you so much for your responses. I will work through them. I’ve already looked at the Eva Musby videos. 
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deenl
Hi UKmumof2,

It all sounds so very normal, if that is of any comfort.

My son, too, was very polite, calm, funny and honest before ED and I'm glad to say that he is so again. On the forum, we have a mental trick to help us cope with the nastiness - we label the meltdowns and nasty words as being ED (our family used the term ED symptoms) and our kids more normal behaviour that of our 'real kid'. Personally, I think it works best to just do that in your own mind. Some patients really hate it if you say it out loud.

My son did engage in self-harm and was very actively suicidal so I always urge a better safe than sorry approach. You can remove some of the easier methods of self harm or suicide - big blades, weapons, chemicals, medications. Keep your phone charged and in your pocket, together with your car keys. Lock the windows and doors at night and during the day if your daughter tries to run away. Read up on the suicide awareness sites for common signs to be aware of. I took these steps and then focused on food, knowing that I couldn't eliminate the risk entirely but that I had made it as difficult as possible and I had the best chance possible of getting him to the hospital on time. I had to trust that that was enough.

My youngest son was also 9 when his brother got sick. I posted some tips about how we handled it on this thread. We are four years down the line and little bro is doing great, with no lasting issues.

Hang in there,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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deenl
Oh, forgot to say that my son has never, ever engaged with any treatment provider whatsoever. We did the heavy lifting for him and still provide a lot of structure around eating. Hospital is not a foregone conclusion at all but it is a wonderful tool when needed to keep our kids safe if malnutrition is causing medical problems or they are actively suicidal. Eating disorders, like many illness, come in a whole range of strengths and with various levels of complicating factors. Nutritional rehabilitation at home is not always possible, or desirable for that matter. 

What guidance have you been given on setting up a structure for daily meals? Is your daughter still going to school and is there an adult able to supervise all 3 meals and 3 snacks? What tips have you been given to manage behavioural issues? If you need any tips as you get started, please let us know.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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UKmumof2
Hi deenl - thank you again for replying and especially your reassurance that you got your lovely boy back. I just want her back too.
She’s in school - going back tomorrow. She’s an academic high achiever (possibly the type?) and I think her being out of school will just make her more anxious. The meal plan is 3 meals and 2 snacks at the moment, including aiming for a pint of milk a day, which will be difficult because she doesn’t like it! 😬 It’s not a huge amount but a lot more than she was having. 
At the moment she’s fed up of all the blood tests and appointments. I’m anxious when it comes to snack or meal time and she’s asking if we can just modify the plan, like there’s a demon in there to wear me down. It’s just so sad and I don’t know how it has happened. 
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deenl
Yeah, my son was at the more extreme end and missed two full years of school but is expected to graduate on time this year. I don't know how he does it.

Do you have another parent at home or are you a single parent? Just wondering if you have run through in your mind how breakfast will go. There can be a flair up of resistance to test whether we are willing and able to stand firm. Testing our boundaries. For a kid who wants to go to school I would recommend a script like "When you have finished your breakfast you can go to school" You will need to supervise the food going in. Any food not witnessed actually being swallowed, you may assume does not get eaten. Otherwise, you will likely find the dog putting on weight, food in plantpots, under magazines and napkins, in waistbands and up sleeves, slipped into school bags or thrown in the toilet in our case. Our honest and trustworthy kids are so stressed that they learn the most impressive slight of hand and to distract by yelling and hitting us where it hurts with words and sometimes literally.

I don't know about you , but I felt less stressed when I had done some scenario planning so

Scenario A - she eats her FULL breakfast, f*ing and blinding if necessary, and heads off to school

Scenario B - she eats slowly due to anxiety, tries to leave much of the food with the excuse that she has to get to school. In this case, you have to be prepared to show her that food is more important than anything else. So that will mean having plans for your other child to get their food/medical treatment and off to their school. Possibly your partner can step in if available. And if you work you will need some flexibility in arrival time.

Scenario C - she point blank refuses to eat so you need to sit with her for hours. It is good to have the door locked to prevent her from simply walking out.

The good news is that this will be a phase where she tests your determination and once you stand firm a calmer routine usually settles in place. The bad news is that it can take a few weeks to get everything settled with lots of tantrums, crying and cursing, theirs out loud, ours internal (mostly!)

Similar plans will have to be made for each and every meal and snack. It is very unlikely that your daughter will be able to stand up to the ED and eat her food at school without a parent, or other VERY clued in adult supervising.

As you can see, treatment at home is a big commitment and the whole family's life revolves around the eating schedule with very little flexibility in the beginning. It is demanding and hard and I used to find it helpful to think of parents of kids with other serious illnesses who would give their eye teeth to be able to provide such direct and important treatment for their kids. We are priviledged to be able to be the most meaningful treatment providers for them. However, most of us would agree that it is the most difficult thing that we have ever done.

Trial and error are unavoidable while we are finding what works for our specific kids so embrace it as part of the process. Feedback, not failure as we say. To give you an example, in the early days, I spoke to my son in the warm and soothing tones à la Eva Musby. My son looks at me and ask  "What the beep are you using that tone for? I'm not a flipping baby!" Um, yeah, feedback, not failure. So I took the principles of Eva's tone and combined it with my normal tone which is warm and affectionate, practical and matter-of-fact. That worked better for us. Later, humour was a great tool for knocking an ED fit off balance but not so early in the process.

I am wishing you all the best as you dive into this process.

Warm wishes,

D

P.S. my son finds warm milk soothing and also chocolate milk. Make sure the milk is full fat and check the brands. Jersey milk has more nutrition than most other milks
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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UKmumof2
Thank you. I definitely relate to the tone thing - my child also told me to stop talking to her like that... My husband is a wonderful man but I have ended up being the baddie at meal times. I almost felt it was better to be one of us so the other can be less of a villain. I’ve also told him he’s in charge of making sure all of our other daughter’s needs are met. 
Ive just managed to get a drink of milk and one of two digestive biscuits down her. Not sure if I can manage the other. There was biscuit all over like when she was a baby. Heartbreaking. 
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teecee
Welcome to this wonderful forum but sorry you have to be here. 
We as carers have many things in common. Our kids are more often than not the compliant, polite, well behaved, easy to raise type of kids so I understand how shocking it is. 

If you can get through the initial shock and get to grips with a couple of things you will find that child returns to you but in our case...with maturity, wisdom and knowing so much more about herself. 

It helped for us to recognise the screaming etc is the ED and not our D. By separating the illness you are better able to deal with the constant negotiation, temper tantrums, manipulation etc. 

inside  is your daughter whispering ‘please help me to help myself, I need you to deal with the tough stuff when I cannot. ‘

Imagine the ED is a bully that’s moved in to your house and you need to help her kick it out but it will do everything to make you believe it’s gone and lurk in the shadows waiting to bully her again. 

Things tend to die when they’re screaming so take the tantrums as a good sign that you are tackling it. When you see ED deal with it decisively, calmly, compassionately and confidently (even if you have to fake it!) 

the clinician told us that ED is an illness that will try to split families. It will play one carer off against the other...don’t let it - show it you are united against it.

If you show that your D will be forever grateful as she will believe you are more powerful than the ED and draw from your strength.

Sending you virtual hugs and post as often as you need to question, vent....whatever 💕💕 
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kazi67
Hi UKmumof2
you have been given good advice above 
and also you have a good GP to tell your d to stop dancing 
this is a huge mistake we made but we followed the doctors advise  (even though my d managed to gain weight each week whilst dancing) it still should of stopped but we listened to our GP (who I found out later was clueless on AN)
this went on for 6 months till her body couldn’t keep up and the AN took over every thought in her mind 

I find it really hard to forgive myself for this but really that doesn’t help us to move forwards

just wanted to share our story so you can see the importance of stopping sport till WR and being able to maintain that weight 
Plus your d is young and still growing so chasing growth can be difficult whilst still exersizing 

anyway  once hospitalised my d had to stop ALL DANCE she couldn’t stand it but it was not negotiable, hospital would NOT allow it and this is when we realised she had a movement compulsion 
So that’s when the SH started due to her frustration of not being allowed to move
this was very upsetting to see her in this state 

once my d was in a specialised ED hospital she was not even allowed to leave her bed except to eat her meals 

she then  had  to be medicated with anti anxiety meds before every meal to stop the SH
this was just the most awful time of our lives and her body still bears the horrible scars 

she was tested/xrayed  for shin shin fractures and spine fractures which thankfully all came back negative 

hopefully our story will help you to know you are making the right decision in stopping the dancing until she is well enough (my d started with a very slow 2O min walk once eating her meal plan completley)

my d recovery has taken much longer because of all of this but she is doing very well now

she enjoys life now, doesn’t push her body beyond its limits, enjoys walking her dogs in the sunshine and fresh air, socialising, rest and relaxing, listening to music, massages and of course eating 

my d tried to negotiate the meal plan too, when she first came out of hospital we were advised to stick to the plan (that’s the ED trying to take control of everything) distract her if possible, can dad or siblings play board games or crosswords, Sudoco etc?
once weight continued to go on and stay on we slowly became more flexible

its a marathon not a race
hang in there and ask all the questions you have as someone will always be here to answer 
xx


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deenl
It sounds like a good start, believe it or not. Keep trying for the second one or add it to the next meal.

And great that your husband can be there for your other daughter. 

I was the big baddie too. I'll be honest, there were times that it almost broke my heart. But I do think that it was because he knew he could trust my love was strong enough to take the lashing out and that I was stong enough in myself. It was also related to me being the one around to do most of the meal prep and supervision (although my husband did cover when I needed breaks). I preferred him to be lashing out at me than to be directing all that venom towards himself. These are the types of thoughts that gave me the strength to let it all flow over me.Our relationship is warm and loving again although teenage boys don't hug me nearly enough in my opinion!

So far, so good. Best of luck with dinner.

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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UKmumof2
Oh gosh you wonderful people. Thank you for coming to my rescue so quickly. I am here crying for what feels like the millionth time. It’s so hard to see her looking at me with such vitriol and saying she wants to die/tearing at her hair, saying I’m trying to make her fat etc. 
After my other daughter was diagnosed with T1D I yearned for the life we had before. Now I’d take anything but this. 
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Enn
The rage is real. If it helps you then I want you to remember that they have to feel this distress to get to the other side. They have to feel awful and we do as well as a by product, for awhile before things get into a rhythm and she gets more nutrition. 

Yay you! She ate a digestive! More will come. That is success no matter what! 
My d too hated me said she would leave at 18 and that i caused all of it! She is now so sweet and caring and loving with me. This hard work we do is worth it but I truly get it about wishing life were different. Ed brings on a new reality and it ain’t pretty but there is your good relationship in the future. 
I was the mean parent, dad sat with her in quiet times. It does get better! Hold on.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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teecee
It’s the ED that hates us (remember that). Your D is underneath the surface trying to speak to you. That’s  a great way of looking at it....whilst she’s hurling abuse at you she’s not doing it to herself. Ironically she will be able to use your brick wall stance against the bully by saying to it ”it’s my mum making me do it”
That will help her do much. 
You are doing life saving work...you can do it!! 

The number one thing though....be kind to yourself. Understand the life you had may had been good...that doesn’t mean you will not have a good life moving forward. It’s just different that’s all. Our lives are transformed now but I accept we had to go through that to get here. I don’t actually want to look back. Dealing with the next hour, minute or second...whichever is easier at the moment for you is the most important. Nothing lasts forever...even the bad times. 

Tina got us to Mark the days red orange and green. This was a great leveller for us. The green days started creeping in and before we knew it they were mostly green days. It does happen but it requires you to be a wall to the ED, be a dolphin parent (encouraging, supporting) not a rescuer like I used to be...I was pained at not be able to ‘fix it’. Learning to endure our kids distress knowing there is no way round only through is a tough lesson to learn but necessary for full recovery. Xxxx
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teecee
In answer to you point ‘how has it happened?’ Why do people get ill? It just happens. But know that none of this was your fault and was beyond your control. 
EDs are biological brain diseases which you are genetically susceptible to...trouble is you only know that when you fall ill and then it’s too late. Xxxx
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PurpleRain
Welcome to this wonderful forum although I'm so sorry that you have to be here. My d is also 14, we are 3 months post w/r and a few extra pounds for buffer. Things are so much better. I remember the very first days,  I was in shock, I was lucky to find this forum from the beginning just like you. I read and read an read. I found Eva musby's videos and book wonderful resources for refeeding. Tooth fairy (look her profile) has posted lots of other really useful videos. Nothing prepared me for the reality of my daughter's response (violent) though, living it is very different. But I didn't feel so alone thanks to this forum and it was reassuring (to me anyway) to know that it was "normal" and that it gets better. It's really tough, I was lucky that I have a very flexible part time job and that my husband is totally on board however he travels and some of the worse meltdowns happend when he was away so is good to have some back up (I told her once I would call my brother who lives not too far if she didn't calmed down, she calmed a bit and I didn't have to call him). I have a 9 year too, he hasn't seen much of it luckily but once I had to take him outside while my husband was with my daughter (she completely freaked out over bed time snack). Those first days and weeks (it took a couple of months to get her w/r) were exhausting both mentally and physically. We were lucky at school, they really took care of her so she didn't have to miss any. Any way come back here, read a lot, ask away, get support for the day to day, it's a lot like having a toddler again except of course they are not tiny anymore. My d stopped going to her dance classes for a while, she was ok with it and now  she's back. It's 2 hours 2 days a week and the rest of the time she is pretty sedentary. 
It does get bettee
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" september 2018, she had a growth spur a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricitng breakfast and school lunch in january 2019 (that we know). We are refeeding at home (succesfully I think) since the beginning of march.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that i did not know I had. Never retreat, never surrender
Just keep feeding
 
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sk8r31
Welcome from me too...though sorry you have a need to be here.  So much great advice above; the links to books & videos are invaluable.

Hold tight; it is such a steep learning curve.  But knowledge is power, and you can definitely hang on to hope that your d can make a full recovery.  As for the awful behaviour...it is par for the course.  So very upsetting I know.  I also had a d who pre-ED was loving and demonstrative, but all that went away when ED was in full force.  It was just plain awful.  But happily we are well past that now, and the relationship I have with my d is closer than ever.

Tolerating your d's distress is a skill you will need to develop.  Here are some strategies that might help.  And you truly must make your own self-care a priority, in order to be at your best physically and mentally to help your d.  Please take whatever time you can carve away on a daily basis to do something soothing and supportive for yourself.  Be that a 5 min walk around the block, a bubble bath, or a quick coffee or adult beverage with a trusted friend or family member.  

Sending warm support to you.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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mid73
Sorry you find yourself here. My daughter was diagnosed at 14 too and it’s such a devastating blow to normal family life. You’ve had lots of good advice already. I’m in the U.K. to and I remember CAMHS saying you need at least a pint of milk a day. Unfortunately I’d not found this forum then because if I had I’d have known to fortify that milk with a tablespoon or so of double cream in every portion as this adds another 70 calories which is invisible if they don’t see it go in. 

Cook with plenty of oil and butter, ground almonds hide well in casseroles and are highly calorific too.

If she’s getting really angry it is horrible but it’s ED that’s mad. Try and be a brick wall. Don’t react ( I didn’t always manage not to! ) and just keep insisting. It doesn’t have to end in an inpatient stay but if the weight doesn’t start to go on at the required rate or you get stuck, don’t be afraid of an inpatient stay. My daughter had to have one and it did turn things around towards recovery. 

Good Luck and read around here as much as you can.
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UKmumof2
Oh thank you again to you all. I’ve just brought her to her singing lesson (where she just has to stand and sing) and I’m hoping belting out show tunes might help her. Thank you for the tip about milk and cream. Just more milk and a slice of bread to get down her before we start again tomorrow...
Wonderful support. I am desperate for a time when I can pay some of this back. 
Ironically, the school learning manager is useless so I’ve emailed the tutor directly. She’s desperate to go to school tomorrow but I need to sort where I can discreetly give her lunch. 
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teecee
Finding what motivates them can really help. We found our Ds motivation for eating was to gain her independence from us. We supervised her 24/7 (our circumstances were a little different in that she was suicidal) and so she didn’t do anything out of our sight for many weeks/months. We took it in turn to sleep with her. Our D is also high achieving in terms of school and she dreaded the thought of having to resit her GCSE year. She needed to be well enough to physically get through a morning without wanting to sleep etc so she mostly complied albeit with meltdowns accompanying the compliance.

if you can tap in to a motivation to eat that will assist you.  
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Human
Hello and so sorry you find yourself here. The advice and support, everyone has given is invaluable. I found this forum, a while into my then 9 year old daughters anorexia diagnosis at the end of this March. Up until that point, I had just read and read about the illness and found my way to buy Eva Musby's marvelous book. I won't lie, my journey with my daughter as a single parent has been traumatic and distressing, but I wanted more than anything in the world, for her to have her life back. She has raged, turned into the exorsist and physically attacked me, when the eating disorder did not want her to get better. But, I found I was stronger and even more stubborn, and it is true that food is medicine and the more my daughter ate, the more her brain healed and she was able to think more cognitively. I have had to usher out of the kitchen, so she couldn't see what was being prepared and I used the ' magic plate' method. She knows I am team leader of food and will continue to be so. I send you lots of support and you and your family can do this and support your daughter to get better.
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UKmumof2
Thank you Teecee - hoping that she eventually realised she needs to eat to dance. 
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teecee
She will realise...she probably already does but food is so so scary for her. My D described it as being totally convinced that if the food touched her lips she would die. If you of convinced of that and can’t trust yourself or anyone and you have a relentless voice in your head screaming at you you can see why it’s so hard for them. But they do challenge with our love and support and they do overcome it. Fabulous, brave warriors we have raised. 
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