F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Nebot33
Recently received a diagnosis for our
15 yo D.  Been reading about how many calories are needed for weight restoration and management, but don’t know how we will ever get there.  How do you get past the outright refusal to larger portions, inclusion of dietary fats like most dairy, oils, mayo, peanut butter, butter, etc?  We’ve been trying a gentle approach up to a firm and demanding approach, but our already strong willed daughter is a tough one to get through to.  We’ve seemed to have already hit a plateau around 1600-1800 cal/day after 7 weeks, and is almost starting to trend backwards.  Been reading about FBT/Maudsley and magicplate and have tried implementing some strategies to no avail.  At this point we are trying at home with help from pediatrician, counselor, psychiatrist, and dietician.  Feeling hopeless at this point.  
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Enn
Hi Nebot33,
I welcome you to the forum.
EDs are treatable and I hope you get the support and information you need.
Many have had to put life on hold at the beginning to feed. 
Using incentives can work. What incentives do you have? Phone friends, shopping?
When feeding many have just had to take all control from the child. Finding how to ensure they eat is the trick and hardest thing to do.
Does your d know you add the oil etc? I had to ensure my d did not know any ingredients and she had to be out of the kitchen and had no say in her meals at all.
What is she eating? What are you struggling with? What exactly happens at meal times? 
We can help you. There is always someone here who has been where you are.
Please ask all the questions you have.
There is hope. Please take heart. It does get better. It is just so yucky at the beginning. 
It takes time and food and more food. You will get there. We are here to help!
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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workingthrough
Others will be along I’m sure, but I wanted to send a big hug. Sorry you have to be here. This has been the hardest thing we’ve personally, and as a family, been through. 

We stopped all activities until food was eaten. We used technology time, phones, games, school, as incentives after meals were finished. We spent hours at the table. 

I wish I had an easy fix - it just took time. 

Where are you located? Do you have an IP or PHP program close? For us, that is always looming. If we couldn’t/can’t get meals and food in, our team will refer to a higher level of care. End of day, that’s what worked for us. 

We started with serving sizes and supplemented with Ensure Plus if meals weren’t met. We also added those w/ snacks in the beginning to get calories up. 

It took us a few weeks to add butter to bread, etc. We worked closely with our dietitian on all of those and working them back in over time. In the beginning (for us) nuts worked well as fats. In time, we were able to add a homemade smoothie, butter to bread, oils to noodles, etc. We also added those things (hidden) in foods in the beginning - butter in eggs, oil in rice, etc. 

There’s a thread here for super resistors that might have some great ideas, I’ll find it and link here. 

eta this link:  https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/the-super-resistors-when-lsuye-and-magic-plate-cause-total-shut-down-8122350?pid=1292384874&highlight=super+resistors

The forum has been such a great support; please, please keep posting. Thinking of you!!
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome. It can seem impossible to get that intake up. 

Firstly I think it is important to know that it is about insisting and requiring that gets those higher intakes in, not an agreement from our children. Firmness and boundaries are essential. No amount of pleading or negotiation will overcome the terror of eating in the moment. 
At the same time it is essential to understand that she is terrified. It is not rational. 

So using what ever leverage you can do to insist that she follow through. Staying calm and not wavering. 
Consider a back up plan, what is plan B if plan A doesn't work. 
Be patient (very patient).

I found getting up intake slowly but surely worked for me, slowly adding more and adding more calorie dense foods worked for us. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
Nebot33 wrote:
Recently received a diagnosis for our
15 yo D.  Been reading about how many calories are needed for weight restoration and management, but don’t know how we will ever get there.  How do you get past the outright refusal to larger portions, inclusion of dietary fats like most dairy, oils, mayo, peanut butter, butter, etc?  We’ve been trying a gentle approach up to a firm and demanding approach, but our already strong willed daughter is a tough one to get through to.  We’ve seemed to have already hit a plateau around 1600-1800 cal/day after 7 weeks, and is almost starting to trend backwards.  Been reading about FBT/Maudsley and magicplate and have tried implementing some strategies to no avail.  At this point we are trying at home with help from pediatrician, counselor, psychiatrist, and dietician.  Feeling hopeless at this point.  


At first you need to make small portions with a high calorie intake. That can be achieved by adding oil, cream and butter to nearly everything. She must be out of the kitchen while cooking so she will not see that you add that and then she can eat it. After a few days you can start to increase portions slowly. Use bigger plates or soup plate then the portion looks smaller. The intestine system has shrunk and must get used to larger portions by time.

Magic plate is the solution. You prepare, she eats. No negotiation about that. And ask for blind weighing so she will not smash all your good achievements!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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ValentinaGermania
"Been reading about FBT/Maudsley and magicplate and have tried implementing some strategies to no avail."

Make a meal plan and just DO IT. Tell her you will do FBT from tomorrow on and all she needs to do is eat what you serve and that is not negotiable. She will explode and fight you like hell for 1 or 2 days but until next week she will get used to it. Watch Eva Musbys videos with hubby and get on one page and speak with one voice.
The day I dared to say NO to ED was day 1 in my ds recovery. You are in charge, you set the rules, ED can go and die.

"We’ve seemed to have already hit a plateau around 1600-1800 cal/day after 7 weeks, and is almost starting to trend backwards."
Do you need ideas what to cook and where to get more calories in?
Is she still plating/serving herself and deciding what she eats? Then you will never get enough into her to gain weight. She should not serve herself. She should not decide what to eat. She should not know what is in there and how much calories the meal has. Put away all containers with nutritional information. Serve everything in a seperate bowl or plate.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie
Oh dang, it is so hard.  So very hard.

To a large extent, we each need to find our own path.  The only thing I know for sure is that the sooner you get her weight up, the less she will suffer.

This video was a huge help to me:


Please feel ffee to ask all the questions you like. xx
-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Enn

Nebot33, 
How are you?

XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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WTadmin