F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Hi Everyone,  I'm new to the forum and have read some really helpful stuff whilst looking around. My 13 yo d was diagnosed with anorexia just over 4 weeks ago. She spend 2.5 weeks in hospital and she's been out about 9 days. I am divorced so she has just gone to her father's house for 2/3 nights so I can have a break. We are doing FBT and linked into a team, although I feel somewhat on my own so far. I've been trying different things and have realised in the past 3 days I have to make eating each meal/snack not negotiable. This has been hard, it took 5 hours the other night to finish dinner. I am thinking I'll tackle fear foods a bit later on as I'm on my own, without adult back up, and right now she needs food. She has been borderline for going back into hospital but the last few days she has improved, as in heart rate settling down. I'm exhausted but also really hopeful. Before I dropped her to her Dad's last night she had had 5 out of 6 meals for the day. She refused the last at his place. I want to stay focused on the gains/progress. This is one of the hardest times of our lives. Thanks for giving me hope. G
Hi Georggiego and welcome,

Believe it or not, it sounds as though you are doing  great. It does take a number of weeks before most people with an eating disorder reliably eat every meal. The biggest concern when the child is living in two homes is to make sure that the same rules exist in both homes. Is her dad attending the FBT meetings with you and is your relationship good enough that you can email him and tell him how it is going for you and vice versa so you can pool your knowledge?

On the other hand, it is lovely that you are getting a few days break. I wonder if it would reduce the pressure on you if you did a big shop and lots of batch cooking on Sunday? You could enhance the nutrition in everything you cook with lots of lovely oils, butter, cream, ground almonds, etc. It might make the week that little bit easier on you if you only have to pull a meal from the freezer and reheat. You may be doing this already, of course.

Warm wishes,

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly gaining at home, seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight. 2020 Off to university, healthy and happy.
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Can you get some help from family or friends? This is extremly hard to do when you are a single parent and all lasts on your shoulders...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for your replies. Yes, her dad is attending FBT and we are talking with each other, definitely not perfect but okay I think. Time will tell! I’ve just started thinking about planning ahead which I’ll do. I’m also seeing who of my friends could do a snack with her so I can get a break. Although we are doing Maudsley, I’m not entirely convinced but again, keeping an open mind for the time being. This is a very different world!  

Welcome from me as well. 
I am glad you and dad seem to be on the same page. You are right she needs food right now and no need to do any fear foods until you get a good routine going and weight up. 
It is a very different, upside down world. It would be great to get someone to support your efforts at home like one of your friends. It does take a few weeks to get into the rhythm. 
If you have any questions please ask. Many of us have been there just like you. I know when I reached out to the forum, I found a community- from all over the world!!  who really understood the weirdness of ED. That was not just a godsend, but my safety jacket, and parachute and oxygen mask and medicine, life line  that keep me going!!
We hope we can support you in this! You are not alone!


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)