F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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cm72
I’m confused about the stage we are in and best way to handle it. Our d has been having some gold star moments but she’s also restricting again. It used to be where she would do the throwing of food, yelling, etc and then finally she would break down and eat. But now she’s just running upstairs and falling asleep. We will try for up to an hour to get her to eat but then give up. We’ve tried taking away electronics and that’s not working either. Tonight I gave her a sandwich with applesauce (new) and juice. She ate the sandwich but ignored the rest and ran upstairs. She’s been doing this for a couple of weeks. What’s the right way to respond?
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debra18
I am wondering if you are using distractions. I found distractions during and after meals extremely helpful and helping my daughter develop new hobbies outside of ED.
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scaredmom

Have you tried going up with her with the food?

Oh Ed, the tricks you come up with...sigh, I am sorry cm72.
XXX

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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cm72
debra18: We are trying distractions. We offer to play games with her, draw, let her watch a movie or even play on our phones. Just now we spent 30 minutes trying to get her to take her vitamins. She just hit under the covers and said they were too sweet. 
Scaredmom-I always go up with the food. Nothing works.
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Torie
cm72 wrote:
I always go up with the food. Nothing works.


Oh dang, it sounds like this is really hard.  I'm so sorry.

I wonder if it might help to spoon feed her like when she was a baby.  I was really surprised that that was a help for my d. 

I also wonder if there is anything to be gained by boxing her  in at the table - some have found that they can seat ED-kid in between parents in such a way as to prevent escape.

I wish I had a magic wand. 

THinking of you. xx

-Torie



"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Sorry that she has taken a step backwards.

I agree with Torie's idea of boxing her in between parents is a good one.

What can you do to stop her from getting to her room? Can her room be off limits, locked until after meals are completed? 

Is the variety of food making her panic? Sometimes slowing down on fear foods can be worth while - it sounds like she needs an increase in her weight and getting that on some more with whatever you can get her to eat reliably may be a way forward. 

Weirdly offering her some input may help too - offering her a choice of two equal calorie options or flavours may help her stop panicking and running. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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tina72
I cannot imagine that she can fall asleep within a minute and you cannot wake her up any more. So how to stop this behaviour? First idea is to stop her leaving the room (lock doors until all food is eaten). Second is to avoid her reaching her room (lock that door until she has eaten). Third is to follow her to her room and make her eat the rest there. It must be impossible to not eat the meal.

Around WR / extinction burst they try to avoid eating again with much power and new ideas. Some things are better now but you need to go through this last part of the tunnel. She needs to see that although her weight is better now she must keep on eating. She escapes to avoid eating and that has to stop, no matter what is needed to stop that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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cm72
Torie-I've tried to spoon feed her too but that usually makes the food fly. [rolleyes]
Foodsupport-I think I need to start having her eat all meals at the table. I've been letting her eat in front of the computer and I think it's too MUCH of a distraction. She needs to start focusing a bit more on the food. They did that at the hospital. No tv or IPAD and 30 minutes to eat otherwise it's a Boost. I think we need to do that again.
Tina-I know all about extinction bursts as we've been through one or two. I guess we just got to get through this. Hopefully it won't last too long.

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sk8r31
Feedback, not failure is the name of the game.  Sounds like you have a good strategy to try, with having all meals at the table, and limiting some distractions.  You are the 'expert' on your own situation and kid, and adjusting the setting for meals as needed to get food in is the goal.  

Hope this is just a minor setback on the road to full nutritional rehabilitation.

Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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ACL
Sounds like a great plan. I would just second the idea that if she is struggling right now backing off temporarily on fear foods and focusing on completing meals and weight gain might be helpful. We have had to do that. 
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Laura_M
I'm no expert at this by any means (only a month in after WR), but this has worked for my daughter. If she runs up to her room after not finishing a meal, I run after her and lay on her bed and just keep repeating that she has to finish the meal. Granted, I've been in there up to an hour, but it has worked every time to get her to finish. If she tries to sit in a chair, I follow and just keep repeating she has to finish the meal.
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Ronson
Hi - we had dad covering the door so she couldn’t escape from the kitchen as my d would do the same - just go upstairs and say all she wanted to do was sleep x
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Mcmum
Hi everyone, we too have to pin our son in when he eats. Not quite literally but he has a certain place around the table and my h and I sit either side of him. He will definitely try to hop down if possible so we close the dining room door and maintain a super alert position. But of a pain but we went through the running off to bed and falling asleep thing and it was all avoidance of course but hopefully once your d knows there is no escape and that you are even more stubborn and determined than ed, things might get easier again.
Also, on another note - your other thread - as two teachers, my h and I also see lots of gender confusion and anxiety and especially around the age of your d and a couple of years after. Mostly it's a passing phase but I agree also "cool" in some respects in some friendship circles that there is a certain attraction there. Hope you can navigate through this - sure you can x
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cm72
McMum-sorry I never replied to your statement about the gender confusion. That's so reassuring to know. As the parent of a preteen and teenagers, there are so many times a day I think to myself "Is this normal?"



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