F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Human Show full post »
Enn
Now that is what I call consistent and amazing progress! 
really what is happening and that she said she will do it is so wonderful! 
It is such an arduous task, of they can help us help them, it is just that much easier! 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Human
I know scaredmom, she said she doesn't want to talk about it and can I 'just leave her alone to get on with it!!'. She has just had mac n cheese, eaten all of it without scraping the sauce on the plate!! I know if they help it's much easier. I laid down boundaries today and said no more violence towards me when new foods need to be tried. I said that we are actually on the same side, and I am not the enemy.
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Enn
You got this!! Way to go!! I am very pleased. My d also did not want to talk about it. We had to be silent when she was eating and we had to avert our eyes.
We did have violence too and I did have a few nice cups and plates broken. I learned to use plastic plates and cups. I also said in a very firm and calm voice "mommy's work voice" is what my kids call it : " Violence is not allowed in this house". She would stop the behaviour (most of the time- got better with repeated use of that phrase). She would go to her room after eating in a huff. As long as she was safe there, we left her alone.
She may not understand yet that you are not the enemy. And in fact, you ARE the enemy to ED and she needs that externalization of her anger to say to ED, "see mom is bad it is not me". I hope that makes sense. The fact that you are seeing some anger is a good thing, it means that you are calling out ED and that is what is required.
Big hug!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Human
Thats good then scaredmom if I am making the ED angry, nothing I like better in fact! It really needs to do one! Its weird separating my D and the ED, but I am used to it now. I am so pleased to hear how your D is doing. It must be such a relief to you! Eating birthday cake, that is one of my dreams for my D. There was no birthday dake this year, when she was 10 in June. 
Big hug to you too.
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mamabear
I can give you hope! 
My d was diagnosed at ten. She was a VERY sick and mentally ill little kid. Same as yours- severe exercise compulsion ( secret at night too), no lunch, etc. She had auditory and visual hallucinations, panic attacks, wouldn’t sit ever, talked about death constantly. Spent 27 days inpt in a hellish situation until we brought her home to do our own version of FBT. Her voice was a mean man. 

9  inches, full puberty, and an over doubling of body weight later.... which took about 3 years.... she started to be able to independently eat . She’s been in solid recovery for years. She’s now 19 living an awesome life! She lives in Minneapolis and goes to college, has a girlfriend, released her first album! She eats whatever she wants whenever and she hasn’t been weighed in years really. She has a very healthy body image and she loves food. 

My advice? High cals and high fats for the long term... she’s a moving target for weight. Do NOT rush ANY independent eating for a long time. I ate at school for 2.5 years with her. I slept with her for a year to stop night exercise. Push ALL fee foods. I’m a rip the band aid off fan. It’s gonna suck no matter what do just go hard. 

And NO sports, no gym, no PE. My D helped the art teacher. 

read our story- I think it would help you a lot ❤️And never give up! 
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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Human
Hi mamabear, thank you for giving me some hope. My daughter slept with me for about 3/4 months. She is now back in her own bed. No compulsive exercise now, no screaming to go to the park to manically run around! She is happy pottering around doing art, reading, singing etc. No more morbid thoughts that our hamster is going to die, doesn't like her. No more screaming and throwing food. She recently thought all her hair was falling out and would not brush it/ wash it. I have stamped those thoughts out of her and she takes pride in her hair. No more asking about portion sizes, have I got the same as you etc etc. She has always had bigger portions. No more screaming she wants to die. No more voices in her head of the boys that bullied her, telling her not to eat, to exercise for hours and hours. I know we have a long way to go and i will continue with the fear foods and poking the ed in the eye!  
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ValentinaGermania
My d was much older when she was diagnosed (age 17) but I can offer a lot of hope too.
No birthday cake at 17th birthday. She was in a very bad state then.
6 months later nearly WR and 10 months later brain recovery started. We bake Christmas biscuits 12 months later and she ate them. Went to a restaurant with her friends on 18th birthday and could eat there with no problems. And we had a big cream cake!

You will definitivly have a birthday cake next year. And she will be in a much better state! The younger they are the better the outcome and the faster recovery starts. That is evidence based. Hit the beast with full power now and you will get her back. 100% recovery is possible.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mcmum
Hello there!  You sound like you're doing such an amazing job here. Our son was also 9 when he was diagnosed with an. It was coming on earlier and we also had so much of what you describe. 
Anyway, have hope. I think that as heartbreaking as it is to see a young child suffering so much, their chances of making a good recovery are high. We are a year in and our son is happy and eating! 
It's been a slow, consistent slog to get the food in but he has grown 8cm and is thriving in many ways.  Our school sounds better than your experience but people still don't really "get" it and think it's a teenage girl thing. They were initially supportive but seem to think it's all in the past now.  We  still feed very high calories and always will.  Your joy at the haribo certainly struck a chord! Our son doesn't really eat intuitively yet but it's much better!  We've just come back from a camping trip.  We couldn't go last year as our son was far too ill but he actually referred to it for the first time as we were lying in our tent and said "I love this and I couldn't go last year as I was poorly ". 
He still hates any mention of An usually but is slowly starting to accept that it was something that happened that we're getting over as a family. 
If you're feeling anxious and over whelmed, it's because this is a brutal illness.  Do take care of yourself and reach out. I truly think that this is the worst thing that has happened to us but each day that our son eats and laughs and engages with life again is a joyful one. Sending lots of love.  xx
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Human
Hi tina72 and Mcmum, thank you so much for giving me so much hope!!! I feel strength and light now, where I have felt darkness for so long. I know its not that long, but I feel like it's been a very long time and I feel like I have aged 1000 years!! I am so happy that your children have beaten the monster, it's wonderful to hear. I can not imagine how it is for them with the voices in their head, holding them to ransom for their lives. It's so scary and unimaginable. Unless you have lived this, you will never understand it. My D calls it the Rainbow the ED, not sure why? As Rainbows are pretty things, but hey I will go with it. Big hugs to you both and thank you again!
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Mcmum
We're here for you x
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Human
Thank you Mcmum, that means alot to me xx
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ValentinaGermania
It feels like years even if it is only weeks and yes, I aged a lot and got first grey hair in these dark days and hubby too.
BUT: it is really the first 6 months that are totally horrible and if you continue to go through it and stand it it really gets better.
2,5 years ago I was told by the "professionals" that my d is "a lost case", is chronical ill, cannot live with us but must live in a closed psychiatric ward, cannot go back to school, will never get recovered.
2 months later she was back to school. 4 months later she was WR and did her driving licence. A year later she graduated from school. Now she is at University and is living an almost normal life. She "just" needs to care for her intake like a diabetes patient would need to do, too. We "just" need to be alert and watch her like a hawk and insist on following the rules for relapse prevention.
She can eat all and eats with pleasure again. She meets friends and can eat with them. She even can go on holiday trips with friends.
Life will never be the same as before and you do not get your old life back with no worries about that but the life we have now is a good one and I did not dare to believe to go back to that state is possible in the early days.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Human
Thank you tina72, your D's story is inspirational. She has done amazing and you must be so proud of her!! You have given me hope! I never knew how tough I was until all this!!  My D's next challenge is eating fish fingers, chips and peas next week for tea. She is digesting this information and preparing herself. She is scared, but knows she needs to do it to be able to get well. She is brave, and has proved this time and time again. I am extremely proud of her! To get this at such a young age, from being bullied and called fat (she has never been fat), has been absolutely devastating for us all. She never deserved this insidious disease. But we must look forward now, not back.

Big hugs to you tina72 xx
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ValentinaGermania
Thanks a lot and hugs back!

I am very proud of her and she is still making progress in year 3.
This is one of the "positives" (I do not know if I dare to say that) that we learned from this disease: how strong we can be if it is needed. I was same as you at the beginning, scared and exhausted and without any hope that this ever could get better and that we can ever live a normal life again.
One day about a year after recovery my d suddenly said to me: "I never knew how strong you are, mum." And I replied: "I did not know that either, darling."
You learn what you can do if needed. You learn who your friends are. You learn how strong your marriage is.
My d recently said: "I know now that if I would do something really bad you will visit me even in prison. That is a good feeling."

Look forward. You cannot change the past but you can change the future.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tammy
Hi Human,
I hope your daughter is continuing to do well. Just wanted to give you some hope. My son was eight when he was diagnosed with AN two years ago just now. We caught it pretty early. No hospitalization although we did have extreme temper tantrums, self harm, compulsive exercising. It was the hardest thing we had to go through.
By about six months of re feeding we were well on the way to recovery and by a year there were no remaining signs. He was eating intuitively and had no fear foods. 
One year on aged 10 and he is the happiest and most chilled I have ever seen him with no signs of AN. He eats the same as the rest of us. I will always be vigilant but thankfully no signs of AN at all.
Keep up the good work.
Tammy
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Human
Thank you Tammy for giving me hope. I am glad your son is doing so well. It's horrific this illness isn't it? Whatever age they get it, is just so so awful. 

Big hugs Katie xx
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