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toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #26 
Hi there,
I put the ground almonds with butter and cream into curry, spag bol, pasta carbonara, smoothies etc...no taste . 
You did very well, congratulations.
It is not only about the calories, the calories need to be from fats for brain healing. 
https://www.mirasol.net/blog/fat-avoidance-and-the-brain.php



Here is a thread worth going through for loads of ideas.
http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/high-calorie-suggestions-696425?highlight=high+calorie&trail=25#gsc.tab=0

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tina72

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Reply with quote  #27 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbs1968
We had lasagne yesterday for the first time since ED and was an emotional 2 hours. I also gave a smoothie last night and that was a success so can't thank you enough for that hint.


Lasagne! Great!!! And great that she took the smoothies! Add it daily.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bbs1968
Is there a taste off ground almonds? May be able to add them into smoothies. Also was wondering about Sunflower seeds in smoothies?


I didn´t try that because it would change the texture I think and my d would not drink them if they are a bit crumbly. But you can try it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bbs1968
We are using flora (green one) on toast and sandwiches, We have never eaten butter and it wasn't tolerated in hospital even so Flora was given. Are there other spreads that have a higher calorie value than 403kal per 100g?


I cannot imagine why not eat butter. Is there a cause for that? I think in hospital it is not used because Flora is cheeper. Margarine is artificially, chemically harded plant fat, so better eat the natural one - butter. And butter has more than 700 calories per 100g - you cannot top that.
I forgot to mention mashed potatoes: they are great with cream or butter (or both) and you can add a lot in that. Some add as much butter as potatoes [wink]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bbs1968
Alas didn't make it to school this morning as has tummy ache and feels sick but did eat all of breakfast.


School is not so important. She can get that later. Tummy ache is a problem at the beginning of refeeding because digestion is slow and the system has grown smaller by starving. Try a warm cushion, a warm water bottle. We have some plant meds here to help with digestion and hurting tummy, it is called Gastrovegetalin. Helps with air in the tummy, too. It is made of melissa leaves.

Tina72
bbs1968

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Reply with quote  #28 
Hi Sorry I havent had a chance to get on here. I havent got the hang of replying to posts individuallly either!

The Smoothies are a big hit and she is having one every night now and we have added 2 breakfast biscuits for her snack. You can add loads in and get away with it. Thanks Toothfairy, Ground almonds are working to. Thanks for the tip about the warm cushion Tina72. Thankfully it was just one day.

She had a gain this week so we were delighted but she was distraught and I was dreading the aftermath but so far so good. She has had a good few days. Last week was tough, but feel this week went a lot better. We have decided to reward her for a good week with a treat. 


sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #29 
Great to hear about your successes with meals and smoothies, and that there has been weight gain.  Yippee...so happy for you & your perseverance!

Incentives can be great for motivation.  When you offered a reward for a good week, what did you do?

It can be great to tap into whatever motivates your d, and is age appropriate.  We used driving lessons for our d, along with financial incentives for conquering fear foods.  

Hang in there, you are doing so well!

Warmly,
sk8r31

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tina72

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Reply with quote  #30 
Hi bbs1968,
that is great that you had weight gain!!! Congratulations!
If needed you can increase it with a second smoothie in the mornings. Weight gain is no steady line and with the intake of one week you might not see any gain in the next. The metabolism increases with recovery. Try to get the missing weight on again asap, the longer it takes the longer is her threatening. Brain recovery starts when she has put on that weight again and then she will still need to gain with every time she is growing.
Incentives are great, think about little treats for a good day, too, a week is a long time and they cannot think that long sometimes.
I am very happy that you have good days again that soon, that is really great.
Tina72
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #31 

Hi bbs1968
That is really great news!!!!
Can you ask her team not to tell her the weight and not to discuss numbers with her at the moment.
You are doing great!

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tina72

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Reply with quote  #32 
Toothfairy is right, it would be better to have her blind weight and NOT tell her the number.
Blind weighing changed a lot here and my d does not even want to know her weight any more.
That helps a lot to get over target weights that were set too low by "professionals".
Tina72
bbs1968

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Reply with quote  #33 
sk8r31 Thanks we let her buy a new mascara as she is make up mad. We gave her a different meal after that and it didn't go well but we got there in the end. Another bridge crossed. Yes good days and bad. Life is very different for us all.

Toothfairy and Tina72 I will speak to the team, she has been told her weight all the way through. 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #34 
I would suggest you ask them to change that. It is much easier for you and for her when she doesn´t know it.
She might go through the roof when you change that first, but then it will be much better.
My d is weighed backwards, some have a scale with a seperate display so she cannot see it.

Try to increase variety and tackle fear food. Every bridge you cross is one step forward.
You are doing great!
Tina72
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #35 
bbs1968 I am not sure if you are doing FBT or similar, but if so although many of us have found blind weighing helpful, open weighing is a part of traditional FBT. The theory being that confronting the weight helps long term in dealing with it. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #36 
Yes, Foodsupport is right that most FBT therapist do open weighing as it is part of their program, but my personal opinion is that it is not helpful for most patients. I hope that they will change it in FBT treatment some day. A lot of FBT therapists are open for a debate about that and for trying blind weighing. There is no "right" way to do it and you need to decide what is best for you and your family.
Tina72
bbs1968

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Reply with quote  #37 
Thanks tina72 and foodsupport_AUS.
We decided to continue with open weighing at the clinic. I feel she will find a way to weigh herself elsewhere if she didnt know. We deal with it at the meeting. She had gained 400g this week which is good but not good enough. She is pretty compliant with meals but feel we are still playing it to safe. Although she had 2 meals she didnt want the last 2 days but she ate them eventually after much drama. Unfortunately she had one unspervised lunch this week and will have one tomorrow as I'm working. I am thinking of leaving work as I don't want to leave her at home alone during the summer holidays. Its life changing for us all.
teecee

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Reply with quote  #38 
We now do open weighing, since CBT, but prior to that it was blind weighing.
Some employers offer compassionate leave in circumstances where parents are caring for a child with a serious illness. Fortunately my work have been very supportive and I have been able to fully support my D at home - I don’t think we would have coped without that kind of support.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #39 
bbs1968,
Well done on feeding through the drama.
The only way out is through. 
Do not be afraid of what ED is afraid of.
It does get easier.

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Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #40 
Hi BBS1968

Well done for getting her to eat the 2 extra meals. You are winning here. If you can continue with weight gain around 500g a week, you'll add 2kg a month, which is pretty good for an out patient setting. See the following article about weigh gain during recovery: https://www.edcatalogue.com/refeeding-and-weight-restoration-in-anorexia-nervosa/

My d gained 1kg/week as an inpatient and around .5kg/week as an outpatient although there where times when she didn't gain for a month and we then needed to give her more food.

I left my job to refeed, as did many on this forum. Other mums at our treatment hospital kept their job or went part time. I think that it was good for them to have a part time jobs as it provided some distraction from this illness. Is it possible to take some leave as Teecee suggested? If you don't need the job for financial reasons, then it would help if you could focus on refeeding full time.

Best of luck and sending you lots of virtual hugs!


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D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #41 
"I am thinking of leaving work as I don't want to leave her at home alone during the summer holidays. Its life changing for us all."

If you can afford it, I would do that. I was never so glad to be a housewife as when AN hit us. I really admire all these working mums here, but I would not have the power for that. You can better care for her and for yourself when you are at home and the progress will be better.
It is enough time to go back to work when she is in good recovery.

Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #42 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbs1968
We decided to continue with open weighing at the clinic. I feel she will find a way to weigh herself elsewhere if she didnt know.


It's really an individual thing.  My d did much better with open weighing. (We tried both.)  Blind weighing drove her absolutely nuts, and yes she did find ways to weigh herself elsewhere or even just whirl around fast enough to see the weight on the scale during blind weights.  For her, seeing the weight was bad, but not knowing (and imagining it to be much, much more than it actually was) was much worse.

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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bbs1968

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Reply with quote  #43 
Hi,
We had another loss this week. There were 3 unsupervised lunches at school so thats it now. I have given 4 weeks notice at work. I can take carers leave so will have to keep my job open.  We can't afford it but I can't see how else we will get through this.  I want to work so hard on beating this ED, We tried 3 new meals yesterday, there was a lot of tears but we got there. We have been playing it safe so have to change things. She has a school trip this week and I told her shes wouldn't be going if she didnt comply.
We also have a week of summer tests next week so I'm expecting more anxiety then.
Hopefully we will have a better week this week and a good gain.
Thanks
Kathy
tina72

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Reply with quote  #44 
Hi bbs1968,
I am sorry that you had another loss but try to have some hope and keep on going. It is difficult to close all the loopholes for AN at the start. It is great that you can have some leave from your job, I think it is necessary. If you can take her home for lunch and bring her back after that will help a lot. Try to get to 3 meals 2 snacks and increase calories. If the school trip is a day trip including meals, can you ask the teacher to supervise wether she is eating them?
Be aware that the test week will need more calories, the brain needs at least 500 calories a day for normal working and tests and learning for them can double that easily. Try to add wherever possible. I hope you will see at least a stop in losing weight next week, that would be progress.
Send you a big hug. Try to keep swimming.
Tina72
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #45 
Hi bbs1968,
I am sorry your D had another loss.  It takes a long time before they are able to eat unsupervised. It took 1.5 years into aggressive treatment before our kid was able to eat in school unsupervised, and even then we had to put a safety net in place. It is a very long road, but the quicker that you get her properly re-fed, the easier this journey gets. I want to put that in capital letters  THIS DOES GET EASIER , you are at the most difficult stage right now, the faster you can get her weight right up the better.
Unfortunately this awful illness affects everything from finances to school to  relationships. I am glad you got carers leave and your job is being kept open.

Due to the very serious nature of the illness, it is important to realise that school comes way down the list.
Many of us pulled our kids from school for many months or a year. Re feeding and nutrition is a top priority.
School and exams can wait. It is likely her time in school is taken up with anorexic thoughts consuming her.
My Child's lowest bmi was 16.8 and he has no recollection of being at school at that weight, no memory of it at all, and we pulled him out. Best decision ever.

Regarding playing it safe, Anorexia is vile. It needs to be treated very aggressively with an enormous amount of food and fats.  As you are getting a lot of tears and push back, my advice is to make it count by adding an extra enormous amount of calories into the meal.

Can we help you with the re-feeding tips, have you seen the meal coaching videos and Eva Musby's book?

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bbs1968

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Reply with quote  #46 
Hi thanks for your replies Tina72 and toothfairy. She will be in school for tests as I have to work notice for work and school would be a safety net as I don't want her home on her own. The guilt I feel at the moment is terrible.I have not slept through worrying about how this weeks meeting will go. I feel I am not doing enough. I have been giving her lunch at 11am and sending her in late. It will be easier to fit everything in during the summer and she will be having bed days. Most of the time she is compliant with meals but we are still sticking to safe options. I am adding in what I can get away with to bump them up a bit.Fingers crossed for tomorrow.
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Reply with quote  #47 
Hi bbs1986,

No need for guilt. It takes time and lots of trial and error to build up the SKILLS we need for refeeding. And all the while the ED monster is fighting against us tooth and nail. Even the easiest cases take at least 6-8 weeks before all food is regularly eaten. For us, it took 6 months! And even then you may expect tricky periods where it seems to get worse for a bit.

You are learning loads, you are changing your life to do what needs to be done for your daughter and you are tackling the illness as good as you can at this moment. You have plans to increase supervision but just can't implement them right now. But in the meantime you are still bumping up nutrition. Really, what more can any human do? You're knocking it out of the park! Take 5, have a cuppa and give yourself a big pat on the back for what you ARE doing. I have faith that you will continue acting on feedback, tweaking what you feed and how and eventually the results will come. Hang in there.

Warm wishes,

D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
bbs1968

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Reply with quote  #48 
deenl thanks for your advice and sorry for the late reply.  We had a good calm week where all foods eaten, mainly safe ones. And she had a loss. A bit devastated as she had a good gain the previous week. Shes now on bed rest for the last few days. We have a holiday coming in a few weeks now that is hanging in the balance. We were supposed to go shopping for hoilday clothes now I have put it off until Tuesday so hopefully she will comply with extras as she was looking forward to that. 

The way I see it its down to us her parents to give her more calories as she is complying (with complaints) 99% of the time when supervised. We just need to find a way to build it up. Its hard not to feel guilty  though!
maggie10463

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Reply with quote  #49 


Hello, just joined 2 days ago and this is my first post. Was reading new topics and see that you are in Ireland too. Reading your post I learned about ground almonds and rapeseed oil and will try both this week. We are 8 weeks into refeeding at home and after initial gain are now stalled. It is so hard and like you said I think I need to get more tough because even though I think I am being tougher than ever my dd is complying though sometimes with anger, tears, panic attack’s, so I need to up the calories and get back into weight gain. We are seeing gp and local child therapist with ed background. Therapist initially said stop dds swimming but gp said that will sink her to depression. I haven’t stopped it yet but know we will probably need to at least reduce. I feel like I am taking everything from her - yesterday I told her she can’t go to Gaeltacht for 3 weeks this summer, something she has done last 2 years and loves so much. She was furious and upset but she just would not manage. Has junior cert next week and I will be off and collect between exams for meals. I am working outside the home am hoping I can keep it going on reduced hours but will see after the Jc. Summer looms. Just felt easier to answer a post as first entry than write my one. I’ve no words of wisdom just a shared understanding of feeling like this is so scary and life altering and like I am being so tough and yet not tough enough. I guess with time we learn more. I hope your dd does well over next days and holiday works out for Ye.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #50 
Hi maggie10463,
Welcome from Ireland! 

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