F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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kloos Show full post »
kloos
I can't thank you all enough.  The last two days have seen a massive turn around and it is all from the advice that you have all been providing for me.  Last night after eating her evening meal, d proceeded to pinch half of mums roasted sweet potato from her plate and then she had a couple of long sour sweets cuz she had a craving for them.  This morning she had 2 Weetabix with a sprinkling of muesli and chocolate milk.

I realise that we are not out of the woods yet and as soon as she sees weight going on we will hit another road block, but my wife and I feel so much better equipped to help d through it.  Her weight stabilised this week and we are hoping to see an increase next week.  She is running around saying that she is better.  We know that she is not as she still checks carbs on everything that she eats and still writes it all down.  When she eats just because she wants something, then she will be better.
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scaredmom
That is nice to hear! 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
I am so happy to hear that! That is really progress!
Here the ED lost power and action when we changed our attitude. When we felt more powerful and realised that we CAN do something and that we are no failure and have some parental power left. It was due to the great parents here that kept me going and trying until it worked.
Yeah for no further weight loss! That is step 1. I will cross all available fingers and toes for weight gain next week.
If any possible try to get her blind weighed and not communicate weight gain. That could help you to get more food in and her not to freak out about every 100 g she gains.

"When she eats just because she wants something, then she will be better." That is really a good sign for recovery but do not expect that to happen soon. ED recovery is a marathon, not a sprint.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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teecee
Please take Tina’s advice...start now. The longer the disease takes hold the harder and longer it is  to recovery.
We caught it ‘early’ as our D was still a ‘healthy’ BMI (yeah...right 🙄) according to medics but she is still in recovery 18months past diagnosis. Things can and will change quickly, including deterioration and successes in recovery. Give your D the best chance of 100% recovery and do not delay!
Can I be blunt and say you need to forget the notion of ‘avoiding the fight’ - you are fighting for her life and we have/are all doing the same on the forum. Be prepared for the fighting and come here to ask, vent, cry...whatever. You will experience all emotions but overall look after yourself with plenty of self care as without you she cannot do it alone. 
Virtual hugs. 
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kloos
Thanks teecee (sorry for delay in replying, we've been away over the weekend).  I am totally prepared for the fight but just hope it doesn't come to that.  D responds better to being in control so we are using that to our advantage at the moment.  The day after I spoke to her last week she was bouncing round the house saying how she was cured because she ate a meal... yeah, of course we know better.  We have hidden the scales and are weighing her weekly along side of testing her bp and pulse.  At the moment she is allowed to see the results but she has been told that if she doesn't continue to put on, this privilege will be revoked.  We have her first assessment in 2 weeks and D actually can't wait to get the help that she hopes she will get from that.  At the moment she doesn't quite believe that what we are doing is the best option for her as we are not professionals.  However, she is listening to me.  My wife doesn't quite know how or why, but D is listening to me.  I don't want to blow that by going in too hard to fast.  I will speak to her again tonight to re-enforce where we are and what we want to achieve.

I will definitely report back to this group again when there is (hopefully) progress or I need more advice!

x
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teecee
I’m pleased to hear you think things are going well. Please make sure it is not the ED that is in control. In my experience when you see the ‘ED monster’ you are beginning to tackle it...when my D was happy it meant ED was happy manipulating away and being deceitful. 
My D was compliant initially and wanted help and unlike other illnesses the more you treat it with medicine (food is the medicine) the worse the situation seems to get. However having said that after the extinction bursts we seemed to progress further. 
Keep going and look after each other...our clinician was so right when she said that this disease will try to split you (me and hubby). We have been together 25 years (happily) but it almost tore us apart. Thankfully we are back on track. Be kind to yourself and each other. X
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kloos
Wow, what a day!  D had her assessment today.  It seems that she has been lying to us about eating and was drinking bottles of water before being weighed.  She has lost another 5lb in the last 2 weeks.  Thankfully it was only for 2 weeks.  She has been properly diagnosed with anorexia nervosa which was a huge shock to her as she was in denial about it.  The advice is that no more weighing of her or of her food.  We prepare her food and make sure she eats it.  She has just had a bread for the first time in many months and is on a bit of a high at the moment.  We are ready for the low in a few days time, but the good thing is that she is being seen weekly, next week is the dietitian.  She starts college in September.  She may not be completely cured by then but our aim is to get her healthy by the time she starts.
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tina72
Hi kloos,

great that you have a diagnose and help now.
Water loading is very common so no bathroom privacy before weighings (only to pee) and weighing should be in underwear (some hide weights in their pockets).

I would be really careful with patients seeing a dietitian, many parents made really bad experience with that. If you see the dietitian alone that is great.

It is really a big challenge to get her WR and eating alone in such a few months before September, I would personally say this is impossible. If college is in your home town and she still lives at home and eats at home and lunch can be supervised there this might be possible but she will not be able to move out for college in 3 months, that is totally unrealistic. Sorry to be so blunt.
ED recovery takes months and years. My d went to university 14 months after WR and only on half schedule and still living at home. We still need to do relapse revention. Transition to college/university is one of the main relapse risks.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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kloos
She will be living at home whilst at college as it's a 25 minute tram ride from home.  There is no way that we would let her move out in 3 months (sorry i should have pointed that out).  I realise that she won't be better by then, but I am hoping for some stability in her recovery by then. 
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tina72
O.k., if she still lives at home that is something different (puuh 😅).
Will it be possible to supervise lunch and snacks there?

Maybe that helps to decide that:
https://www.eatingdisordertherapyla.com/is-your-young-adult-with-an-eating-disorder-ready-for-college/
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
That’s great she’ll be living at home, I agree be careful about the dietician, my experience and many is they can actually be fat phobic, you need someone skilled in ED, ours told d she was ok to have half fat milk if she was more ‘comfortable’ with it!   Definitely try to see the dietician alone if you can. 

Its great she had some bread,  with my daughter I just gently told her that it’s quite normal to eat this and that once the lows came, had to be very relaxed when she started on her feared foods and not make any big deal of it (while internally punching the air and turning cartwheels 🤣) 

great job !
Ellesmum
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scaredmom
hi kloos,
I am glad that they found out that she was waterloading. One trick I learned is that to have them do some jumping jacks prior to weighing to dislodge any items that may be hidden in pockets or under arm area. 
One way to ensure they are not hiding weights is to make sure they are naked under a gown.  Also they could test the urine weekly for specific gravity that will also show if she is water loading. The SG will be around "1" which is the SG for water. 

About her denial: she may truly not understand how ill she is and that is part of the illness. It is called anosognosia:
https://www.verywellmind.com/anosognosia-and-anorexia-3573545

As for time lines, it takes a long long time and you seem ready for the task at hand. It took my D 6 months to get the first WR and three months after that to get to an even better weight for her body and  most importantly, her mind.  That was 11 kg from diagnosis to 6 months and another 6 kg after that to get to a better spot. 
Great about the bread! Keep strong!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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WeRnotdone
Hi Kloos,
  Sorry your family is dealing with this. My daughter is now 17 finally coming out of her 2nd relapse. She started a diet at 15 in a year she lost 80 pounds. She also ate small meals in front of me but somehow managed to walk miles at her school. I was so close to her it was hard for me to see when it became dangerous. I thought anorexics didn’t eat, but they do.
   The people on this site give so much wonderful supportive advice. Prepare and get her food for her 3 meals 3 snacks. Her anxiety will be too high for her to do it. Be firm but supportive, at first this can be so hard because of the way they speak to you and don’t fall for the anorexic debate. They can almost convince you that an apple and yogurt is a fine lunch. 😊
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kloos
Hi ellesmum,  We will keep a close eye on what they say.  Thankfully they have stated full fat milk only, so that's a good start.

Hi scaredmon, D is starting to understand what she has.  Strangely she took a picture of her back yesterday (no idea why) but you could see ribs and that really shocked her.  The time for recovery will be longer than we expect, I know that, but we are a close supportive family and that will really help.

Hi WeRnot done, we are currently preparing all of her meals and watching her whilst she eats.  The only issue at the moment is that she is a 17 year old who wants to stay in bed.  She now has to get up and eat with me or mum.  We have heard the 'voice' speaking to us.  It's scary and makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.  We are learning how to talk through it and just speak to D and not the voice.  And you are so right about the support on this group.  Absolutely brilliant.
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tina72
They often document that and even send the photos to other anorexic and are "pride" of the bones and ribs you can see.
It would really surprise me if that is the first photo she takes of her state.
We deleted a lot of these photos on my ds phone once we found out...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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kloos
Wow that's scary!  I'm glad that d was shocked by the pic and hasn't shared it (to our knowledge).  Her best friend also seems concerned about her and she only knows one other friend with an ed but her friend has very different issues.
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tina72
That is all scary what they do with ED and the most scary thing is that you hear such things and read it and think "but my d does not do that" and BANG two days later you find out she does.
So your d might know only one ED patient in real life but if she is in social media like facebook or instagram I would seriously suggest to check who she has contact to there. Just to close that out.

Check her pc and phone also for bad internet sites. It is needed. If you do not find anything that is fine.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
kloos wrote:
Wow that's scary!  I'm glad that d was shocked by the pic and hasn't shared it (to our knowledge).  Her best friend also seems concerned about her and she only knows one other friend with an ed but her friend has very different issues.


unfortunately you are likely to find out theres a whole secret life, it’s like an underground club, just as we parents find each other here and on social media, build up support and relationships in secret from our kids, well they do too.  My d had a whole album of pictures hidden away that shocked me to my core.  Be really wary of ‘recovery’ stuff too, it’s often a cover for ED connection and Pro talk. 
Ellesmum
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scaredmom
Kloos, 
Just  keep feeding her. 
It does get better and you will be on top of everything. Please don’t be worried about too much right now. First things first and that is food and weight gain!!
You got this and our support.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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teecee
Yes, food is the medicine....the absolute priority. Feed feed feed. Once WR you can look at other things. 
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scaredmom
Hi kloos,
Just thinking about you and your d and wanted to reach out.
Take care,
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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kloos
scaredmom, thank you so much, that is so kind of you to think of us 😌.  D had an appointment with her nutritionist on Tuesday and she highlighted that she has zero fat in her diet.  We were so focused on carbs that we missed the lack of fat.  She only put on 1lb but we are not too worried as she has been making a really big effort to listen to us.  D now has to use oil when cooking and put butter on her bread and can have nothing with the word diet on in.

She shocked us all last night (including herself I think) when mum persuaded her to have a cornetto ice-cream as her evening snack.  D absolutely loved it but then of course felt really guilty afterwards.  She starts CBT next week and we are really hoping that this helps her state of mind as we know that if we took our eye off the ball, she would revert back really quickly to not eating.  As you have said, it's about state, not weight.  That is the new mantra in our house as I have to keep reminding people of that including d.  She keeps asking "what weight to I have to get to before I am better" and of course there is no answer to that as she has to mend her state of mind to be cured.

Thank you again for reaching out, it meant a lot to me.
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tina72
30% of intake should be fats.
That means at a MP of 3000 calories a day she needs 1000 as fats which is about 100g. That is a lot.

The brain runs on fat so the carbs are great for weight gain but the fat is needed for brain recovery.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
Kloos,
You are on a roll! I am pleased that things are moving forward. 
One day at a time one meal at a time!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mamaroo
kloos wrote:
She keeps asking "what weight to I have to get to before I am better" and of course there is no answer to that as she has to mend her state of mind to be cured.


My d used to ask the same and I just said: "When you stop caring what you weighed". And that's true. She doesn't care about her weight or what size clothing fits her. Your d will get there, just keeping on feeding.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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