F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

climbon
Hello, I’m new to this site and quite frankly I don’t want to be here at all. Here’s a bit of background on my situation:
My D was formally diagnosed with RAN and an Excercise compulsion in September. She was admitted to CHOA that day for low BP, weight, and heart rate and stayed there for three weeks until medically stable. She then was transferred to ERC Denver and was there for four months. She just recently finished IOP and has been doing great; however, I do wonder if it’s been too easy for us. She has been completely compliant throughout this process and even asked to be tubed at res as she was struggling. Have any of you experienced this? I’m not saying it’s bad in any way, but it’s weird how she isn’t fighting much at all and eats whatever we give her.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming!
Quote
sk8r31
Welcome climbon, though sorry you have a need to be here.

I'm glad the experience at ERC has been successful for you & d, and that there hasn't yet been a lot of resistance.

If I might ask, how old is your d?  What is the follow-up plan that you are using post-treatment?  What kind of professional support, if any, do you have at present?

The reason I ask is to determine whether your d is going through puberty and needing additional nutrition to fuel for growth.  At any rate, weight should still go up slightly year to year, into the early 20's.

It's possible that you may start to experience 'kick back' now that your d is at home, and depending on whether she is WR or needing to add to bring her back up to her growth curve.

Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
Quote
climbon
Thanks sk8r31 for your reply. My D is currently 15 and has so far had her first three periods (yay!) she was behind on her growth curve for about 6 years and is now WR to her previous curve plus extra for growth. She’s grown about an inch and a half since leaving ERC. She is still seeing the same team she had at iop only she sees them once a week instead of three times.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming!
Quote
ValentinaGermania
Hi climbon,
a very warm welcome from Germany and sorry that you have to be here.

Normally I would say when there is no fight about eating ED has found a loophole. But if you are sure that she is not secretly exercising, not purging and if she is gaining weight and eating without all that ED behaviour, that might be the one exeption from the rule.
AN has so many different faces, why not even that one?

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Quote
teecee
Hi Climbon

My 16 yr old D was completely compliant also. She was very honest and open about her illness. She ate everything we put in front of her. That’s not to say we didn’t have challenges...one day, completely unexpectedly she refused a meal which shocked us as she had been very compliant. We followed Eva MUSBY’s Techniques and got straight back on track. We had a real kickback with extinction burst right before weight restored and again about a month after (we think this was frustration/built up emotion). My D is a lovely girl with very good morals/behaviour and has struggled with showing frustration/anger in the past.
She is now maintaining weight and at the moment being independent with eating (closely monitored by us). She is really motivated to get well.

I hope you find a way through this. Virtual hugs. Xx
Quote
climbon
Thanks teecee! That’s great that your daughter is doing well! My d also shares everything with me about what she’s feeling or if something triggers her. Maybe I’m just being irrational and she’s just motivated to recover. In any case, I’ll be keeping an eye on her to make sure she isn’t exercising secretly.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming!
Quote
teecee
I really do hope that’s the case for you too. I was so super vigilant...it’s not irrational it’s just because you are worried which is understandable. My hubby had to give me a good talking to as I was constantly looking for negatives in everything as I couldn’t believe she was genuinely compliant. I think this may have fuelled her frustration as she complains of not being trusted. I’m still watching out and prepared to jump in if things go backwards. I can’t see a time I won’t worry but I am actively trying to be positive and relax. It’s just hard.
Quote
climbon
I could have said the same thing! My d also complains about how we don’t trust her to do anything, but as she never showed us any blaring signs that something was wrong in the midst of her ed, I’m unsure what to think now. I want to trust her, but I need to make sure she really is complying and not finding some sort of loophole.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming!
Quote
teecee
Yes the psychologist had to tell us to back off and let her live like a ‘normal’ 16 year old!!
I must admit that since he did that life has been a little less stressful and I feel like we’re getting back to some sort of normality!
The scales never lie so they say so that’s what guides my level of trust.
Quote
Kali
Hi Momma2000

Welcome to the club no one wants to join. I hope you will find support here.

You might want to start your own thread and topic, you will be more likely to get replies there. Just choose new topic on the top right of the message board to create it.

warmly,

Kali
Food=Love
Quote
ValentinaGermania
Momma2000 wrote:
Hi, new here also. My D is currently inpatient, BMI was 13 when she finally admitted to needing help. We first tried FBT (maudsley) at home, 2 years ago....she regained weight but totally freaked out psychologically, went to adolescent psych unit for a week. We continued FBT for 5 more months until a trip came up.....she begged to not have to eat carbs or bloaty foods for the trip, I agreed, it all fell apart there. Anyway, fast forward 2 years, lost all the weight gained plus 20 pounds. Decided on her 17th birthday she is tired of this, willing to consider inpatient/residential. We had to get an EKG, labs, Weight (had thrown away scales) etc for admit; well she was bradycardia, bad labs, low weight, so had to be hospitalized before inpatient. Now she is inpatient, says she is hungry, eating everything...it’s not enough, thinks inpatient is setting her back, very depressing hearing girls scream over weight gain, NG tubes, stare at their food (that my D wants) for 20 min, then thrown out for ensure. She thinks ED thoughts are gone, doesn’t care about weight gaine, has had all fear foods, just wants to come home, willing to do PHP or whatever. Not sure what to make of this. Has this kind of thing happened to anyone?


Hi momma2000,
a very warm welcome from Germany and great that you found us here. Kali is right, you will get more replys when you open your own thread (and find them much easier).
I just wanted to tell you that in our case IP was not helpful because of all the things you describe: much worser patients who pulled her down, triggering time with other patients, learned more ED behaviour...
We took our d home to do FBT at home but if you already tried that and had a realpse you need to prepare yourself 110 % to prevent that now before you take her home. When she is 17 now your time is running before she gets legally adult and can exclude you from treatment and you have no time for a 3rd chance...

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Quote
smileymum

Hi momma2000

With you....this illness is so baffling. Well done on doing what you needed to do for your d on her journey so far. Echoing all the great advice so far.

I am still in the midst (so I'm not necessarily coming from a position of great strength here) but we had a similar-ish situation in that my d (16 then, 17 now) was in a psych unit first, then transferred to ED IP and quite quickly wanted out of IP and was soon eating much better at home with me when on leave than in IP. She was not mentally restored but motivated enough, WR and it was clear she was better at home and was discharged after only 3 months (the last month she was mostly at home anyway.) It was right for her to come home in our case and even though it has not been plain sailing, I'm glad she came home when she did. We felt she needed to pick up life before 18 and she was in a position enough to have a go with our support.

So, just a few qs. Sorry for them, it just might help understand and think through possible next steps...

1st steps - can she come home for bits at a time? 

What does ED unit say about her progress?

What does your d think will be different this time at home?

Can you use this willingness as leverage...e.g. yes, I want you home but your safety is paramount so you'll see how it goes over extended periods at home. There are clear expectations, no negotiations over food etc.

Personally, I think it is possible that the IP inpatient experience could be deeply upsetting and demoralising and it is potentially good she wants to come home. At the same time, it's good to have a strong plan, expectations for compliance and relapse prevention strategies with clearly spelled out consequences for non-compliance in terms of food, therapy (if useful) and any medical monitoring. It can't be that coming home is the easier option in terms of restricting and opting out of monitoring/medical care.
All the best to you as you work this through...

Smileymum
Quote
Momma2000
Thank you all for the ideas! Kali I will open a new thread to say Hello, obviously I haven’t used an online forum before!!
Quote
ValentinaGermania
"She says it would be different now because ED thoughts are gone, she doesn’t care if she gains (“I would rather be obese than be here”....... really????) the unit is making things worse she says, doesn’t want to get pulled back, going insane there, dark thoughts."
It might be that this is true and I really hope that.
But please think about that she might play a role just to get out there. Many do promise the blue from heaven just to get out because they think at home it will be easier to fall back into old ED habits. And too often that works.

"The therapist said (to her, in front of us) that her brain is ahead of her weight; not sure if therapist actually believes that or was trying to give her an answer. We all know that the brain is last? Have to talk to therapist more."
That would be the first case I ever heard from where brain recovery is faster than weight gain but I do not exclude anything with this disease. Just wanted to say that it is very unusual.

I would do what smileymum suggested: ask if she can have home leaves for single meals and then for half days and wether you can take her back immediately if it does not work. Have a plan a, b, c. Tell her that you will only agree in taking her home if she agrees to do FBT and to eat what and how much you serve and that you will bring her back to hospital immediately if it does not work (and you really need to do that in that case so she sees that you mean it serious).

I have not been to an online forum before, too. It is not difficult to open your own thread. Just click on new topic on the right and that´s it. You can copy your last post and there we go.
Tina72

Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Quote

        

WTadmin