Hi concerned 62,
I'm concerned too.how it feels to me reading your posts is that there are a lot of mixed messages coming from you.you want help but find it hard to accept it will come at a cost -your ds course and having to push for treatment.
You want to fight for your d to go to her course-you should be using that fight to get her into treatment.
You want assurances from providers-there are none.
You want your d to do this on her own-but she has proved over and over that she can't.
So really what would I want to fight for in your situation?
I would want to fight for a bed in a unit.i would put her course on hold.i would remind myself that just because I have become desensitised to how my child looks-no one else will.that in sending her to a course, i am setting my child up to fail.
Now I'm not coming to you from a place of great success myself.my d weighs 42.5kg.this is 10 kg more than your child and my d has poor memory, is constantly cold, can't focus for more than an hour or two before needing to rest/sleep.highly emotional days -a meeting,an outing-the rest of the afternoon is a write off.
No matter how well your d appears obs wise-and I would challenge that as with no overnight monitoring the hospital has no actual idea what your ds obs really are-it isn't realistic to do anything other than look after her health now.if she wants the course,awesome.but if she wants it,she needs to do the work for it-and her work is more than 'I want this',it has to be 'I want this so I have to do the work to get there'.
Otherwise you will end up picking her up in an ambulance.no one is going to check on your d that much.your d is critically ill.critically ill people have to be in a safe place-hospital,residential,eating six times a day every day.she actually has to prove that her want is more than words.
And you have to own your part in her recovery,or at least some weight restoration.you have to be the squeaky wheel.you have to ring the doctor.get her bloods done twice a week and a weekly obs check done at the doctor.you have to go with your d to a&e and get the orthostatic heart rate done and insist on overnight observation.that burden, the burden of love and responsibility falls to you to do.
You have to work alongside and for your d and it is hard and thankless work.it involves getting people's backs up, looking out for your d and saying that actually nope,you don't care about those other people that doctors always talk about-your only job is to fight for your d and that is what you are doing.and then you fight for what your d NEEDS.
NOT what she wants.
Her wants come later.dont fight what you read here in the replies-instead look at the truth of them.be absolutely realistic.you both have a part to play in this,so you need to each own your part and work together for wellness that then will lead to a successful career for your d.