F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Nicku
My Daughter is 16 and was assaulted about 4 months ago, before that she wasn't eating enough but it was much better than now. She is down to about 100-200 calories a day and has lost about 35lbs in the last 2-3 months (she was thin to begin with, now she is skeletal). She sees a therapist and a psychiatrist and has been hospitalized 2 times (for emotional issues unrelated to AN). Her current team is illiterate when it comes to eating disorders, they have zero clue and I think are actually making the situation worse. She is very opposed to inpatient treatment and intensive outpatient is about 1.5 hours away (I live in a very rural area). I have done a lot of research and am pretty much hitting a wall. She also tells me she will not go to inpatient or intensive outpatient and that I can not make her go (she is correct, I can not force her). she is now 5'8 and about 105lbs. I have begged and bartered with her and still nothing. She will die without help and I really don't know how much longer she will be able to function, we almost ended up in the emergency room because she felt like she was going to faint. I would love any feedback from parents who have had similar issues and how they have overcome them. 
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tina72
Your d is very severly ill and needs help ASAP. Please take her to a hospital TODAY no matter if she wants to go or not and ask the hospital to admit her at least for 72 hours to stabilise her system. She is in great danger to die. She will need to be tube fed in that state if she refuses to eat more than 200 calories. If needed a court must decide that she gets fed against her will or she will die on that bad nutrition.

When she is stabilised you could do FBT with her and refeed her at home but not in that state. Please take her to the hospital. Call an ambulance if she refuses to get into the car or get another adult to help you, lock the car doors and drive her there, no matter if she wants it or not.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum, sorry that you have had to find your way here. That is a very rapid weight loss, and with her continued very poor intake her risk of medical instability and being at high risk of sudden severe complications from her eating disorder. 

One of the things about eating disorders is that is common to see that people can be extremely ill and completely deny the severity of their condition. This is a condition call anosgnosia. Learning quickly about eating disorders is essential, your daughter's life and health depends on it. It is not expected for someone who is ill  volunteer to go into treatment, to be admitted inpatient. They don't get there by pleading, they get there because of an insistence on care of physical and mental health. 

I am not sure what resources are available to you but your D does require urgent medical attention. She may need hospitalisation. This documentation from AED can be useful to take along - https://higherlogicdownload.s3.amazonaws.com/AEDWEB/05656ea0-59c9-4dd4-b832-07a3fea58f4c/UploadedImages/Learn/AED-Medical-Care-Guidelines_English_02_28_17_NEW.pdf

I would also recommend reading the FEAST family guides if you have not looked them up , along with another book "When your teen has an eating disorder"
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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tina72
If you could give us some information in what area of the US you live there might be someone here that could help you to find an ED expert there. Here are many parents from the US.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
I’m so sorry,
your daughter is in grave danger and needs immediate medical care,  please take her to hospital today as a matter of urgency.

best wishes to you x
Ellesmum
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tina72
Nicku wrote:
She also tells me she will not go to inpatient or intensive outpatient and that I can not make her go (she is correct, I can not force her). 


I do not know how that is in your state but in most states there are legal laws that a patient can be admitted against his will if there is a medical urgency. In some cases the court must be called for that. In other cases it is enough that a doctor prescribes admittance and there is a medical emergency. Here the parents are in charge up to age 18. Please get it contact with the hospital and ask what needs to be done to get her admitted. It is urgent.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
Hi Niku,
i am sorry you needed to find us but glad that you did. 
You are right to be very concerned. As noted above by the others, she needs medical assessment urgently. That does mean today. Take those guidelines that Foodsupport posted above and give them a copy.
She needs medical stabilization first and foremost. 
Please let us know how it goes. She will never agree to eating more or to go to ER. So you will not be able to coerce her to go AND she has to go. She has no choice when it comes to her health now- she is not safe doing what she is doing.
I know how yucky this is! 
Big hug!!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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sk8r31
Sending a big hug to you, and urging as others have, that you have your d medically assessed today.  Is there another adult that can assist you, for moral support at least?
Hang in there!
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Nicku
Thank you for all your feedback. I will get her to the ER today. No, I have no support, but I will force her to the ER as I know she will only decline from here regardless of my denial and hope that she will somehow come around on her own. Obviously, that will not happen. 
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tina72
Please do that and call an ambulance if you do not get her into the car. Sometimes it is also possible to call the police, some police departments have mental health officers for such cases.
Please keep us updated how she is doing and if you could get her admitted. Her health is in great danger at the moment.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Kali

Dear Nicku,

So sorry your daughter is so unwell. I hope you can find support here to help her move forward. Sending you a virtual hug.

Let us know how it goes/went with the ER. If you are comfortable letting us know where you are perhaps some carers might have ideas for help on the ground in your area. 

If your daughter is 16 and a minor and you are in the US, look up your state laws determining whether you, as a parent of a minor child, can place her in treatment. Our d. was 17 and we signed her into a program. If she is 16 and does not want to go into treatment, you may be able to make that decision on her behalf. You are probably correct that she will not come around on her own. It helps sometimes to reframe things and explain that you are taking action for her safety and for her future.


warmly,
Kali

 

 

Food=Love
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