F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Annon
I was wondering if anyone knew of any sources of inspirational information (we websites, factual info, past letters from people recovered from Ed) I could possibly share with my d. She will often insist that can never get better and that her brain will never go back to its pre-AN state and she will never be free of the ED because of this. I wondered if maybe trying to disprove this may in some way help her towards recovery. But perhaps nothing will help at this stage and we just need more time and love. I was thinking maybe for her meeting or reading a letter from someone who is feeling strong and recovered might help her realise this is actually possible and might give her some hope.
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Iaminspired
My D attended a youth support group at a local Eating Disorders Resource Centre so she saw girls in active recovery.  However, her though processes were so messed up at the time, that aspect of it didn't really sink in for her.

There are also lots of recovery videos on YouTube but many of them could be triggering.  There are also a few posts on the forum.  Hopefully someone will remember and post a link.

My honest thought is that, no matter what you show to her to "prove" recovery is possible, if she doesn't want to believe it, she won't.  Plus, she could compare herself to others who have recovered further than her and consider herself a failure.  I think I would stick with many of the suggestions that have been made around here - telling her this is tough but it will get better, you can see so much improvement in her, brain healing takes time but it is happening, etc.

Time, love and food.

Colleen
Colleen in Ontario

Single Mom to DD#1 (20), Autism Spectrum Disorder (diagnosed at 16 1/2), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder
and DD#2 (17), In solid recovery from Restrictive AN, Managing Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, ASD, finished with IP and FBT, successfully managing school and life

If, at the end of my days, I can say I saved the life of not only my child, but helped to save the life of someone else's child as well, then I have lived a good life.
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Annon
Good point Colleen. She would probably compare herself to others. She asked for a couple of recovery books which I might buy for her but again she may compare herself.
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floating
Annon

My D is not WR but already she says this a lot

I think they read so much on the internet about relapse and having this for life that it makes the focus on recovery very difficult.
I myself originally read a lot of old school info that is still lurking around till I found this site and saw that others have and do recover and are free of ED

The journey is so difficult it must feel like forever......well it does for us!!!

I think Colleen is right that u tube clips etc can be triggering.........I think you are correct time is needed......

Your D will get there and your are doing a great job x







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Torie
I'm reluctant to give my d anything to read because of the way Ed twists everything around.  I read in a book about helping someone with depression that the best thing we can do is stand on the shore waving a banner that reads, "It will get better."  And to state it with confidence.  Although for a long time, they give no sign that they find this encouraging, I think it actually does help.

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Annon
Good advice. I think I need to stop chasing rainbows. Read a great quote today Torie.: relax, nothing is under your control! Maybe I need to embrace a little of this. I cant make miracles but I can be consistent, calm and compassionate and keep the food coming!
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mumto3
Maybe look for inspirational quotes instead?  While my D was inpatient, I printed out quotes from Winnie the Pooh every day...

Image result for braver than you believe
worried mom
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Annon
That's one of my favourites cuttlemom. Great idea. Thanks. Xx
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bcblue1878
Annon
As iaminspired said, Time, Love and Food are the key "ingredients", and stay strong!  I wrote a little about our d's journey and it is in the Road to Recovery - Stories of help.  Nine months on from me writing that she continues to do well and is so happy with life!
Stay strong and I am sure you will get your daughter back!
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mumto3
Here's another one...
Image result for winnie the pooh quotes
worried mom
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mamabear
http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/my-14-year-old-daughters-letter-7039713?pid=1284925863#post1284925863

Here is a letter that my daughter wrote to another girl struggling with ED. My D got sick at 9/10 and is now in a full active recovery at 14 years 10 months....

Just thought I would share. Hang in there- I felt the same as you do many times.
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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melstevUK
Annon,

I would probably be pushing the notion that d's brain won't go 'back' to its pre-AN state because her brain is already going through all the profound changes that brains undergo during adolescence in any case.  So things will move forward.
But with sustained nutrition and other therapeutic inputs if they are required - maybe medication as well - she will recover and move into adulthood as everyone does eventually.

It will help her enormously to keep expressing your confidence in her recovery - you don't have to promise that it will be easy, but you can promise to be there for her, loving and supporting her, - and maybe the idea that it is quite common for adolescence to be 'hijacked' by an eating disorder.  Compliment her on the fact that she wants to recover - that is a huge thing to be proud of.  The fact that she recognises she is ill and wants to overcome her illness are really positive points. 
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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Annon
Thanks cuttlemom - I needed that, what a lovely surprise. Thanks also to melstev good words, I will try those out and what a beautiful letter Mamabear I will print it off and try to find an appropriate moment to 'deliver' it to my d. You guys are so awesome, I've just got in from a tricky appointment and your replies have boosted my reserves. Weight loss again today, 1.5 kg over the month. Thinking I need to man up and go back to school lunch supervision from tomorrow although I think CAMHS want us to give her one last chance (one more weigh in). ED is in the building though and we need it out and fast.
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mumto3
YOU are in charge of YOUR daughter - school lunch supervision should start tomorrow.
worried mom
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mamabear
I did school lunches the majority of 5,6 and 7 th grades.

It sucks.But behavior interruption is key, my D just walked in Nd grabbed ritz crackers and peanut butter. Never give up hope.
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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Annon
Thanks Mamabear.
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mumto3
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worried mom
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Annon
haha Cuttlemom that made me laugh out loud. THANK YOU! She refused to meet me to come home for lunch, so I rang the school and had a member of the senior leadership team collect her from her lesson! She managed lunch at home really well and we had a really positive conversation about how things will be changing for a while. Feel more positive at this moment. One moment at a time. Sad to realise she's lost 4.3kg overall over the last few months. More vigilance is clearly needed and we are further back than I thought. But hopefully we will turn this corner too. Being off work (for now) is a relief and will help me maintain better supervision.
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sk8r31
You've got this!  Glad you stepped in right away with school lunch supervision.  Your d will know you mean business, and ED will too.

WR from this latest 'blip' may be easier than you think...you know what to do, you have confidence, and you can come here to vent/get advice if needed.

Sending you warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Torie
You've got this, Annon!  Good for you to jump in with both feet like this - Ed doesn't stand a chance!

Hugs,

-Torie

Chef
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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anotherbite_CAN
good job, annon!   I found that my girl protested something fierce but was quite content when I did not back down and tightened up the reigns.  She will say now that she NEEDED me to circle the wagons and close the loopholes (hm, how many analogies can I use [smile]) -

You got this mama!!!  Like you said you need it 'out and fast'.  Get the weight back on and then an extended time at the correct weight with symptoms interrupted.  

One more analogy:  This is the analogy I used for myself when I was in the thick of it:  Its like running a race and when you get to what you think is the finish line  you realize you have to run around the track a few extra times at full speed before you can slow to a jog.....and then you are still jogging around the track a few times before you can walk the track.  

The brilliant thing is that they have us to do that.  It is a gift really.  There are many illnesses that no matter what we do our kids wouldn't come out the other side.  It is hard, difficult work but, closing loopholes does make a difference.  

D dx at 10 years old in June 2011. She is now 16 and happy and healthy.  We were IP for 8 weeks and then refed at home for what felt like forever.  We chased vertical growth for years...as is typical for the age.
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Annon
Perfect analogy anotherbite. I will try to remember that one. Hard seeing the anxiety so high again but took her to a friends tonight to distract her which worked well once I managed to get her to eat dinner. Hoping she will settle to sleep now without any more stressing about weight and shape. Thanks for all the encouragement everyone.
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mamabear
I wanted to second what Anotherbite said. Well into recovery my daughter really started to let me in on ED " secrets". After eating with her the last half of fifth grade and all of sixth, we gave her a shot at eating lunch on her own in 7th grade. After a sudden 7 lb loss and me doing detective work, we discovered she was dumping her lunch. So back to lunch we went and this time we decided we were not even going to revisit independent lunches until we saw independent intuitive eating and stable weight. We had been on the " to supervise lunch or not to" roller coaster for too long.

Well D whined a bit and then seemed incredibly relieved and eating lunch was not a big deal. So later in recovery when she was intuitively eating and gaining weight on her own etc ( and eating lunch on her own), she said " I rember feeling so relieved when you said you were going to eat with me. It made me feel safe."
Other times she told me how secretly thrilled she was to get a chocolate shake or a cupcake or pizza- all things she could justify eating to her Ed voice because " mean mom and dad made" her eat it. She also talks now of how painful it was to be starving,,. The stomach pain, the joint aches, her hurting pelvis and spine.
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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mumto3
Almost forgot your quote for the day.

Image result for dr seuss quotes lorax
worried mom
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Torie
Image result for inspirational quotes
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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