F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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mfab12
Hi

I'm feeling a bit panicked, my d has started seeing a counsellor for the last few weeks and she has told him that she hears negative voices. I've read this somewhere before but hearing she is experiencing this has really concerned me. I'm not sure what the voices are saying bit I'm assuming don't eat that!

Any advice welcomed? Should I be really alarmed?

X
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Enn

mfab12, 
We did not have that, but I see it can be part of ED. Here is a link to a thread from a couple of years ago. 
I guess until you know exactly what is going on in her head, you cannot know. Are you able to get info from her or the counsellor?

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/how-to-emotional-coach-when-your-child-says-that-she-doesnt-deserve-love-and-hearing-7556412?highlight=hearing+voices&pid=1288397123#gsc.tab=0

The fact that she opened up to the counsellor about her concerns, is positive.
I know it is hard not to panic. There is a good side to this, now that it is coming out, you and her team can deal with it.
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
Here is another thread, I bumped into the wrong spot [crazy]
Hope these have something of use to you.

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/long-time-reader-new-to-forum-ed-voice-the-ultimate-bully-7939629?trail=25#14&gsc.tab=0
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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mfab12
Thank you very much. Xx
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HopeNZ
Hi mfab12

I don't think you should be alarmed.  My d experiences this 'voice'.  I understand it's not uncommon in EDs, although there's a lot of variation in how people experience it. My d recently used the metaphor of a hitchhiker she unwittingly picked up.  Initially this hitchhiker was a fun companion who made her feel loved and funny. But gradually this hitchhiker/voice took over the driving and became increasingly demanding, telling her that if she were thinner she'd be more attractive/popular/successful.  Eventually, it became a bully, telling her she was revolting and unworthy, chiding her for eating, berating her for not exercising.  And worse.  Restricting and exercising appeased the bully temporarily.  

I think one reason distractions at mealtimes work is that they help to drown out that voice.  A year after wr, she tells her therapist that she can still hear it, but is better able to recognise it for what it is, and ignore it (she's still working on that!).  Apart from the anxiety and perfectionism which so many of our ED kids suffer with, she has no other psychiatric conditions, so I'm confident the voice is part of the ED.  I'm hoping it will eventually fade to a distant whisper and leave her in peace [smile].

Excellent thread, Scaredmom, thank you.

Warmly
Hope


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Kali

Hi mfab12,

Quote:
I've read this somewhere before but hearing she is experiencing this has really concerned me. I'm not sure what the voices are saying bit I'm assuming don't eat that!


As far as voices or instructions not to eat or commands in someones head (I'm not really sure what to call them) they were something I learned to recognize by what my daughter was saying to me.

So here is an example: Let's say she didn't want to drink anything but water with her meal. She might express that to me. So then I knew that was what she was being told to do in her head by the illness. And it was my job at that point to contradict the message and let her know that it was ok to drink juice or milk or something else besides water and that I would require that at a meal. You will start to be able to recognize these moments and to take steps to turn them around. Or here is another example. We were on our way to eat lunch. She kept talking about a milkshake she had at this particular restaurant. When we got there she wouldn't order the milkshake which also comes from what the ED is asking her to do. But I knew that if she had been that excited about the milkshake that if I ordered one and said "why don't we split this" then there was a good chance she would drink it and she did. 

Can you try to talk to your daughter about what the voices are asking her to do?

warmly, 

Kali

Food=Love
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ValentinaGermania
mfab12 wrote:
Hi

I'm feeling a bit panicked, my d has started seeing a counsellor for the last few weeks and she has told him that she hears negative voices. I've read this somewhere before but hearing she is experiencing this has really concerned me. I'm not sure what the voices are saying bit I'm assuming don't eat that!

Any advice welcomed? Should I be really alarmed?

X


In fact I think most AN patients "hear" that voice. Some describe it as a demon in their had, most think at the beginning that is themselves who says that. My d told me that voice said something like "don´t eat that, you are getting fat" and "you do not deserve that cookie, you have not worked enough" and such negative things. It was worst in the evenings when "the voice" told her that she has eaten too much the whole day (although it was only 500 calories). It was difficult for her to seperate herself from that voice. But it became quieter with every kg she gained and now she did not tell me to hear that voice for more than a year.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mfab12
That's very helpful and leaves me reassured. Thanks x
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ValentinaGermania
That is why it helps them so much when you get in charge. They can then tell "the voice": "I am not deciding to eat that, my mum requires it and I can do nothing against it because she will not allow me NOT to eat it."
Often they ask such things later in refeeding when they want to eat some chocolate for example and do not dare to ask for that. They then say something like "you will ask me to eat chocolate for fear food next week, won´t you" and I would have answered then "not next week, my darling, I will ask you to eat chocolate for fear food tomorrow". In fact she asked for the allowance to eat chocolate again.
This is why they need you to help and why it is so important that you are not afraid of something ED is afraid of and that you at least fake that you believe in recovery and that you know what you do [wink].
My d once said to me: "I did not know that you are so strong, mom." And I answered to her: "I did not know that either, darling!"
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mfab12
Thanks. I am doing my best at being confident and strong. She tried to negotiate the school snack to a banana earlier. My response was 'if you needed medicine I would not opt for a sub standard one which would lead you to be ill for longer so this is what you need to eat and I expect you to eat it'' . Yesterday she didn't eat it so I made sure she had extra after school. Saying it's non negotiable.
Onwards we battle xx
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ValentinaGermania
You are doing great. Keep on fighting. Add extras wherever you can. The sooner she gains the sooner this horror ends.
One step at a time. But one step FORWARD.
You will get that!
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mfab12
Success, break snack and drink consumed, a well timed text of funny gif and 'you have to do this, you can do this text' hopefully helped. Then lunch 900 cal including 2 peanut cookies (first try of cookies) no resistance. I asked her in order to relieve some anxiety she can choose one food that I will promise not to give her before December, she said it would help, she choose sweets. Which for me is easy as it is probably the last thing I would've thought of and she didn't really eat sweets before.

She accepted that everything will need to be in the plan. I am hopeful that this means I can start introducing shakes, pizzas and other things. It maybe misguided hope but for a few hours, I will enjoy the feeling

xx
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ValentinaGermania
That sounds really GREAT, mfab12!
Can you please explain to me what is the difference between cookies and sweets? English is not my mother tongue and here in Germany sweets are the main word for all and cookies are in fact sweets here. Like noodles as main word and spaghetti as a special noodle...

"She accepted that everything will need to be in the plan." So use that now. Not all at once, but constantly. I would start with the shakes because it is often easier to drink the calories...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mfab12
If you google Haribo sweets hopefully that would explain. Americans may call it candy.
Sweets do not include cookies, cakes or chocolate bars

I hope that clarifies x
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ValentinaGermania
Aaah, that is "Gummibärchen" here! (Even if it is no bears.) I never stop learning here...Thanks!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie

mfab12 wrote:
Americans may call it candy.  Sweets do not include cookies, cakes or chocolate bars


Interesting!  Yes, we call that candy in the US.  (And for us, sweets do include cookies, cakes and chocolate bars.  And "candy" includes chocolate bars.)

Can you please tell me what "lollies" are?

Sometimes I think we need a UK-US dictionary. xx

-Torie

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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mfab12
Lollies are a candy on a stick. There are sweet lollies or ice lollies which are flavoured ice on a stick or a long stick of flavoured ice.

In the usa it could be called popsicle?
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ValentinaGermania
Guys, you are so funny! No one but us would talk about a dictionary for food names...[biggrin]
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn
Lollies= lollipop, or suckers in the American vernacular.
Ice lollies = popsicles
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
I really like this video to demonstrate the ED voice. I found the video very distressing when I first heard it, because I knew how accurate it was for my D. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Hibiscus
Just to add to confusion. Lollies in Australia usually come in packets, like hard/ firm jellies , snakes, gummie bears,clouds, essentially small sweet sugary treats. Chocolate is totally separate as are cake and biscuits/ cookies . American iced lollies are called ice blocks or ice creams here. ( on a stick) but Ice cream also sold In containers for freezing at home.
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Torie
Hibiscus wrote:
Just to add to confusion. Lollies in Australia usually come in packets, like hard/ firm jellies , snakes, gummie bears,clouds, essentially small sweet sugary treats. Chocolate is totally separate as are cake and biscuits/ cookies . American iced lollies are called ice blocks or ice creams here. ( on a stick) but Ice cream also sold In containers for freezing at home.


Thanks.  What would you call a candy bar that has a chocolate covering over things like caramel and nuts?  Is "candy bar" a thing?

In the US, "sweets" is a very broad category including everything from cakes, cookies, pies to ice cream, lollipops (sugar on a stick), popsicles (frozen juice on a stick), chocolate, candy bars, really anything with a lot of sugar.  And our cakes tend to have more sugar than elsewhere in the world I think.

Speaking of cakes, I have wondered if some areas use this term for something other than the dessert that is customary at birthdays.  Like what we would call a "layer cake" or a "sheet cake." 

Oh, and US biscuits are not sweet, except that I think US puts more sugar in most everything than the rest of the world does.   My biscuits are fairly breadlike and would likely be served with butter and jam or peanut butter.  What are "biscuits" to you?  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
"In the US, "sweets" is a very broad category including everything from cakes, cookies, pies to ice cream, lollipops (sugar on a stick), popsicles (frozen juice on a stick), chocolate, candy bars, really anything with a lot of sugar."
Same in Germany.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
Torie wrote:
What would you call a candy bar that has a chocolate covering over things like caramel and nuts?  Is "candy bar" a thing?


We would call this a Chocolate Bar.

We would very rarely use the term Candy Bar. 


D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Ellesmum
In the Uk a biscuit is a cookie, confusingly some people would say sweet for dessert (the sweet course) but even more confusingly dessert is sometimes ‘pudding’ which is anything after the main meal and can even encompass a cheese board.

We don’t really say candy although it’s becoming more popular amongst children but sweets are normally gums, chews, and the like although if someone said they wanted to buy sweets they could mean anything from a pack of Haribo to a Mars bar. It’s all most peculiar!

Oh, and we would say ‘cheese and biscuits’ to mean cheese and crackers - and that could be on the dessert/sweet/pudding menu. Yep, it’s baffling 😀
Ellesmum
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