F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Aggie Show full post »
Aggie
Mommiful 
Thank you so much for taking the time to provide that info.  I will have a good look through it tonight x
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Aggie
MelstevUK
That has given me goosebumps, I am so pleased to hear that your daughter's journey has had such a happy ending and she is leading such a fulfilling life. A true example of what can be achieved beyond ED.
Thanks for sharing your story and giving me another reason to believe that there we can get there 😊
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Foodsupport_AUS
This illness really takes it out of you. It is a long haul illness. Despite your daughter's pronouncements it is important to remember that 31/2 years is nothing in the scheme of recovery from eating disorders and some long term studies show continued improvement for many years. That being said, I know how much work it has been getting that weight on your daughter but she is still probably underweight, which in turn may be contributing to her ongoing rigidity with respect to fear foods. I know that stirring the beast is a very uncomfortable time and of course you don't want to upset things with your son but I would suggest that unless you do go through that discomfort she is going to just continue in the same vein where you are in part held hostage by her illness as well as your daughter. 

A contract may help you to move forward, the biggest problem with contracts is the one sided contracts - what you want - are not contracts they are expectations of behaviour and unless you can make things happen are completely unenforceable. If she agrees to a contract you will still need to put consequences in place for both of you but it may be that she is willing to work towards things. 

My own D is also working towards being a vet, she will graduate next year. She is not fully recovered but we are a long way towards it. The course is incredibly physically and mentally demanding. There have been a number of her cohort who have struggled trying to juggle restrictive eating patterns of various sorts (there are a lot of vegans) with their studies. Lots of them struggle with anxiety too. She really does need to work at being in the best possible shape for recovery prior to starting these sorts of studies, relapse is a very real possibility and may mean she loses out on her chances. This has helped push my D to progressively increase her food varieties and types. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Torie
Aggie wrote:
Cover me, I'm going in!

Go for it! We've got your back xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Aggie
Foodsupport_AUS
I completely agree with you on the contract. I just thought it might help us all focus and help her show her ED that she has to do this as we have instances where I have given her something and she has verbalised 'so I have to eat it, I have no choice' in such a way that I could see she was telling the ED that it wasn't that she didn't want to disobey it, but had to - as if she wanted to but was scared of the repercussions. I hoped that this would show ED that we mean business and It will help her fight it in some way, rewarding her for her efforts at the same time.
Your D must be one amazing young woman, it is fantastic that she has achieved this whilst on this journey - a huge testament to you, I appreciate how difficult the study is to become a vet, something I am concerned about as we move forward. But, first things first, we need to get her in the right place to achieve that dream and I have vowed since the beginning that this monster won't get the better of me. She knows that and deep down I truly believe she is grateful for it.
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ValentinaGermania
Aggie wrote:
I hoped that this would show ED that we mean business and It will help her fight it in some way, rewarding her for her efforts at the same time.


This is what it did here. One nearly no occasion I had to mentioned it up to know in year 3. Just knowing it is there and that are the rules helps a lot staying on path.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
The contract:

Our FBT therapist suggested the University of California San Diego contract as a guide. I atrach the original and our adapted template.  (If you have trouble downloading or opening, Google "eating disorders san diego contract" and it should be one of the top 3 results)

Use it to suit your family. Your goals, your rewards, your consequences.  Just avoid denying social activities as a consequence. That should always be a reward, as ED alienates the child and re-socialisation is return to normal life. 

All the best, 

Z ❤❤
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Aggie
Zylie
Thanks so much, I am putting this together at the moment so very timely. Things seem much lighter since she doesn’t have to attend therapy. She has a friend around tonight and has had a Chinese takeaway and organised her evening snack (manipulating it to look normal and having the right amount)  I am truly hoping this is a positive step x
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MKR
To Mommiful,

Thank you so much for the good analysis of the different treatments. It is very informative!

Z
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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MKR
Aggie, I am so pleased about your daughter having friends around!

The contract has some of our stuff left in, such as weight target, rewards etc but it's there as a guide. Your information will be different, of course.
And it doesn't need to be a long-term contract. After a while, a new one can be drawn up.
Your real child will come back to you! Mine did, and all the mutual trust came back, too.

Z ❤❤
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Aggie
Thanks Zylie and everyone for giving me a boost.

Haven't finished the contract yet, but decided to strike while the iron was hot and the mood was light after her sleepover and gave her mint choc chip ice cream for dessert last night and she did it! First time for over 3 years, it used to be her favourite. Me 1 - Ed 0 🤗
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Enn
Oh Aggie! Mint chocolate chip ice cream!
you did great.
That is a gold star moment for sure!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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