F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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AJmom
We have been doing FBT since mid July and are close to the goal weight. That being said her ED eating behaviors are worse than ever in terms of how she eats, how long meals take and her trying to hide food.  She has also started to flat out refuse to eat meals unless we agree to her demand to do soul cycle.  Since the doctor will not approve of such exercise, for obvious reasons we have gotten into a number of standstills.  We keep trying to feed her and are often still successful despite her increasing dits and nastiness.  We are trying to figure out if she really needs a higher level of care as school has started and she cannot go back in her current mental state (she will barely go outside). I have wanted to avoid a residential program but am seriously considering it. 
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Kali

HI Ajmom,

It does take awhile and if you have just started FBT in July and are close to the goal weight then you are doing very well indeed. Unfortunately the eating behaviors often do not stop when a patient is weight restored but can continue for quite some time after that. And unfortunately It is usually the case when approaching weight restoration for there to be more resistance and anxiety on the part of the patient. Full nutrition will give the best possibilities for remission and eventual recovery. What does your daughter's team think about her needing a higher level of care? Sometimes kids do miss school for an extended period of time while they are ill. My daughter did.

Hoping for the best for your daughter,

Kali

 

Food=Love
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scaredmom
Great job getting close to her goal weight.
There is a phenomenon called extinction burst where the ED ramps up close to WR. 
There is an old but great thread by Irishup that explains this well. Maybe this is what is happening to your d right now. Your job is to push for full nutrition and you are doing that. As Kali notes, when they hit WR it is not magical that the ED falls away. It takes months after WR for brain healing to occur. Here at 4 months and 6 kg more her d’s brain got better and more time and more weight things got better still. 
My d had significant anxiety prior to ED and is on meds. Missing school is ok and necessary for many kids. What does your team say about residential as an option? 
All the best,
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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teecee
Welcome but sorry you find yourself here. Firstly you have done an amazing job to get close to WR from July. This vile illness really does present in a topsy turvy way in that you would think giving medicine (I.e. food) would reduce the symptoms but infact it makes them worse (in the short term). Keep getting the food in to her and do not back down and negotiate with ED as this will prolonge the illness. Have you seen Eva MUSBYs resources which will coach you in doing this? She has amazing YouTube videos which are short and punchy. I also got her ebook and read some of the conversation suggestions verbatim when my D refused food....it worked for us! 
What you describe is normal and most probably extinction burst (you may get more than one episode but push through it). There is no way round it unfortunately- you have to go through it to recover.....look after yourself to deal with the parent distress as well as you can. Carer burnout is common if we neglect ourselves (hand up here). 
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Foodsupport_AUS
You have done a great job so far. It sometimes seems disheartening when things don't seem to be happening on the time lines you read about, however to be so far along two months in, getting all meals in is an amazing job. The anxiety as weight goes on does not necessarily decrease, and for some it gets worse for a while. It is thought that as nutrition increases there is an increase in serotonin in the brain which has added extra receptors because of the starvation. As a result they can be overwhelmed with emotion. Staying the course and keeping on going at this stage is important. Tina I think started using a chart with red green and yellow depending on mood and behaviours each day, giving a visual indication of improvement which can be really hard to see as it is so slow. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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AJmom
our team is mixed.  Our MD who specializes in adolescents with ED and our therapists think residential with education may be a good option. Our FBT therepist thinks we need to keep going. 

I am am confused about what happens when your kid simply misses school. Do they repeat the year? Do you get a home tutor? Our daughter is in 8th grade. She was supposed to start 2 weeks late which would have been fine. If it is longer than that I am not sure how we deal with it. How have others dealt with this? 
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scaredmom
As for missing school there are so many options. Some have done on line courses, or home schooling or they do miss a year. In the big scheme of it, missing school is a small price for the bigger "purchase" of health and recovery. Please don't worry about school too much. There are so many options and I know other children of forum members have missed a lot of school and they do get back and do well, generally. Even university kids. 
Sending my best,
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
Different country so different rules but when my D missed 1.5 years of school she just went back to class with her peers. She got sick at 13. She had some modifications of her classes to make up for her ongoing anxiety but by the time she got to finishing high school she was fully caught up. D had a maths tutor for one year on return to school but not for anything else. She really only needed her for a term but they connected well at a time when D needed to make connections. I think it demonstrates how little they actually learn, much of what is done at school is passing time. If they can read they can catch up when the time comes. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Kali

Hi Ajmom,

Have you spoken with the school about the situation? What have they advised? Sometimes there can be home tutoring or online classes, if your daughter is well enough to do some schoolwork while at home.If you are in the US you can look into an IEP or a 504 plan while she is not well and see what help the school can offer. I believe that legally school districts are required to make accommodations for students who are ill or suffering from a disability and anorexia qualifies her for that.

My daughter was in college when she was critically ill and missed a couple of semesters, so we just took her out on a medical leave of absence and she went back when she was well enough, a year later. But we had to communicate with the school and set things up formally and sign some paperwork. There was also a process we had to go through when she was readmitted. At first she did a semester with a part time course load to see how she would manage the stress. At the time we took her out she was so sick I thought she would never be able to attend university and now, 4 years later, she is set to finish up in December!! And has done remarkably well. I may be the proudest parent in the room at her graduation ceremony.

warmly,

Kali

 

Food=Love
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tina72
My d also was not in school for 4 months and then after IP only half days for the rest of the year and she finsihed school without any problems with her class in the next year.
As long as they are in a bad state and their brains are malnurished school is often lost time as they cannot concentrate on anything. When they are in a better state they will get along with the missed stuff more easily in my experience.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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