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believingbody1

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Reply with quote  #1 
So as we have been refeeding, we have been trying to vary meals and add fear foods. D gained weight last week but is complaining that it is “too many too soon” as far as our meals and fear foods. I feel calories are more important at this stage but i also know the more d gets out of her safe foods zone the better chance at recovery. So the dilemma is do we feed her her safe foods like oatmeal everyday just to get the calories in, or do we say feed her a sausage bagel (which she used to eat) even if she only ends up eating half or a quarter of it (or more likely a bite). Do we have the oatmeal on standby in case that happens? Or maybe have the oatmeal but also tell her she has to take a bite of the sandwich? Its a double edge sword because then the ED complains “I am tired of oatmeal or tired of nuts for a snack”. I want this protein bar and not that kind!” ED obviously is putting up more of a fight the more we try and choke ot out.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi believingbody1
Every family has their own way of tackling the fear foods. Some start at the get go others just get the food in ie calories any way they can even if only with safe foods.
For us at the beginning a lot of foods would be considered fear food and so it did not matter what I gave her.
I know i have bent and given her a safe food just to get the calories in as that is what really matters
After some time with good weight gain and maybe brain changes and trusting me i could add in fear foods more easily. Some laddered in fear foods some just gave them. No matter what you do you will get there.
There is no perfect great answer. If you are getting the weight gain and seeing her resist a bit you are on the right track.
You are doing so well and I see in your questions that you are thinking about all this the right way.
Keep going.
xxx

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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
tina72

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi BB1,
as always with FBT and refeeding there is not "the one" answer to that question:
Some here waited with fear food until WR was nearly there and fed only safe food to get the calories in fast.
Some here did it from day one. That is the faster way but it does not fit for everyone.
As you have seen weight gain last week and as you are not that far from WR I think you could try it and see how she reacts. If it throws you back a great step than go back to oatmeal for some time and try it again later.

We did it that way:
We told her that we would re-introduce fear food once a week and we choose sunday for fear food day. Sunday is less stress here.
We made a fear food list together. There were 3 parts on the list.
1. Food she can eat without any problems (safe food)
2. Food she is afraid of but will try to eat.
3. Food she cannot think of eating at the moment, but will try later.
There had to be at least 10 food items in part 2. Every week we ate one item of part 2 and then put it into part 1 and served it the next week as regular food again. In the free space on part 2 we filled one food item from part 3. We let her chose which one. I hope you can understand what I mean.

"ED obviously is putting up more of a fight the more we try and choke ot out."
That is normal, ED sees the enemy now and is fighting. If you see the enemy, you know where it is and can fight him. I would be concerned if it gets too easy and everything works fine, that is mostly a sign that ED has found some loopholes.


I would try it. I experienced that it went much better when I told her the day before what the fear food for the next day will be.
Sometimes my d inside gave me a link to what she wants to eat but ED does not allow. She said something like "Do you want me to have pizza for fear food day next week" and I answered "yes, I exactly planned that" (although I might have planned something else).
I am really impressed how fast you are learning!
Tina72

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d off to University now 22 months after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #4 
Editing to say: Haha Tina, you beat me!  And I thought I replied pretty quickly - shouldn'ta stopped to answer DH's grammar question!

Quote:
Originally Posted by believingbody1
I feel calories are more important at this stage


Agree.  Whatever you do, make sure the calories go in.

I like your idea of requiring one bite along with the oatmeal.  If she prefers, she can eat the WHOLE bagel instead.  So oatmeal plus one bite other, or full serving of other.  Will she drink Boost (US) or Fortisip (UK)?  If so, that's a good backup to require for missing calories if you have refusal.

Tina (and others) can tell you how they made list (with ED-kid's input) of foods that were once eaten but not eaten now, then ranked them into 3 categories based on difficulty.  Started with the least-worst first and worked through the list.  Once she tries a fear food, keep serving it and make sure it stays in rotation, or it's back to square one on that one.

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi Torie,
"Editing to say: Haha Tina, you beat me!  And I thought I replied pretty quickly - shouldn'ta stopped to answer DH's grammar question!"

I never though that there is a competition in answering time here [biggrin]
It was just coincidence that I joined in the moment BB1 asked his question. I am sure the next time you will beat ME again!!! And by the way, scaredmom has beaten me!

[wave]Tina72

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d off to University now 22 months after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #6 
too funny!!
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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
debra18

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Reply with quote  #7 
I started with safer foods that were similar to what she used to eat. Brown rice instead of white rice, whole wheat flour instead of white flour. Some fear foods I had to tackle because of opportunity. I went to 3 stores and couldn't find whole wheat rolls. After 3 days of eating white rolls, she preferred them. Than one week I was very busy and I said I didn't have time to make her brown rice for her and white rice for everyone else. She was less anxious at that time and I tackled the fear foods everyday.
OneToughMomma

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Reply with quote  #8 
Dear believing body1.

You need to decide what's best for your d, but I believe that calories are the most important.  The theory is that as the brain heals, fear foods just drop away, or at least become easier to tackle.  That did work pretty well for us.

Other families will say that you have to get rid of all ED behaviours, and I can certainly see the logic behind that thinking.  However, when she was too challenged, our d would leave and we mightn't see her for days.  

She is now recovered and living independently.  Frankly I would like to see her eat a greater range of foods, but she is well and healthy and we have a wonderful relationship.  Working on calories first and letting fear foods trickle down worked for us. 

xoOTM

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D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
wheresmywand

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi BB, I do have some sympathy and understanding for what your daughter has said about too much too fast, our d said that too. 

I think weight gain is the most important thing but also looking back, the biggest gains were made in those first few weeks before we eased off on new FF's. Its really tricky. We are really close to PROPER WR this time and FF's are still an issue but they're not as hard, they're more like just leftover habits.

BUT - I always wished we had gone a little harder and faster with the FF's first time around, it would've shortened the journey I think. But that's because we got to a safe, calm place and just sort of left it there for long periods of time.

So perhaps give her some safe meals and even days but without taking your eye off the fight. As long as you are going forward consistently you are making progress.


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17 yr old daughter dx RAN Jan 16, but starting restricting some months before that. Let go too early and now back home gaining weight again, slowly challenging fear foods and entrenched 'healthy, pure' eating habits and behaviours.
debra18

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Reply with quote  #10 
Sometimes I think I caused my daughter unnecessary anxiety as things would have been easier for her at a different time. She had a class trip a few months ago and I insisted on her taking a junky snack as the other kids were doing. It caused her tremendous anxiety and at a later time it would have been easier to introduce this food. I know it helped her move forward but I am not sure it was necessary.
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