F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Yogi13
So..we are invited to a friend's BBQ today, and d wants to eat there, but is upset because she wants to be "hungry" before we get there so she can eat like a "normal" person.  What this means to her is that she misses her lunch at noon and eats there (party starts at 2), and I told her that I would be in charge of filling her plate.  So the question is:  is it worth it to miss a meal to have her eat at a BBQ with other people (a difficult thing for her to do).  I will give her something else to eat with many calories once we get home (shake or ice cream sundae).  
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debra18
I suggest you keep to the schedule of 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. You may need to change around the schedule. So if she usually eats lunch at 12 she should eat a snack at 12 and lunch at 2 at the BBQ. At these events for some reason my daughter thinks she is eating more just by seeing everyone else eat so much but she eats the same as she always does. 
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scaredmom
The simple answer is no. No missing meals at all. I am sorry. Some may disagree with that. We all do it differently. If you feel she will still get the same number of meals in and this bbq acts as a later lunch, I suggest giving a substantial snack prior ie switching up the order of the meals.So early snack and later lunch is what I mean.  Then you have kept up the routine. Hope that makes sense. 
My d was stressed before going to friends for bbq too. What I did was I had another meal ready for her in case she could not eat. And I took a side that d was comfortable  with so I could add to the meal if what was served was too light for her. 
I also took her evening snacks with me if she could not eat the dessert and other things offered.
I say prepare for the worst and aim for the best. 
Hope it goes well no matter what you decide.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Yogi13
That's what I figured.  It stressed ME out thinking she was missing precious calories.  I am going to attempt the switcheroo of the snack and lunch.  We shall see.  I'll let you know how it goes.  
xx
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tina72
Switching yes, skipping no. If there are more than 4-5 hours between meals and snacks you will see her having a big meltdown at the BBQ and you both want to avoid that.

"she wants to be "hungry" before we get there so she can eat like a "normal" person"
This is ED talk and not logical at all. No normal person needs to get hungry before he can go to a BBQ. Normal people do not think about that this way at all. They just go and eat there...🙂
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Yogi13
We ended up staying home; it was way too stressful for d, and I just want to continue forward while in this re feeding stage.  We will eventually get there when she won't be so stressed out about eating at a BBQ or party.   My friend understood (she is one of two people who know), as I am pretty private with this.  I was really sad at first, because out lives are really not "normal", and then I made the choice to enjoy the day (our Independence Day) with my hubby and kids.  I am focusing on the things we've accomplished rather than the obstacles ahead.  D is doing remarkably well; she is eating and gaining-what more could I ask for?  

Thank you all for a reality check.
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scaredmom
You have a resilient attitude. I understand it is a bit of let down. She is not well right now and it will come. You really are doing a great job with the weight gain and yes that is the goal right now. 
All the best.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
You will be able to go next time . Maybe labor day bbq! And than you will see how much progress you made.
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Yogi13
scaredmom wrote:
You have a resilient attitude. I understand it is a bit of let down. She is not well right now and it will come. You really are doing a great job with the weight gain and yes that is the goal right now. 
All the best.


Thank you.  Yes.  I also don't want her to see that I was disappointed.  I think it would have made things worse for her.  She's eating well today, and very happy, so it's good.



debra18 wrote:
You will be able to go next time . Maybe labor day bbq! And than you will see how much progress you made.


Absolutely.  I will be thinking of this when we attend our Labor Day BBq.  Thanks for the support.  
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Mamaroo
We also had very limited social contact during the first year of refeeding. We came to realise how much social contact revolves around eating.

I'm glad your friend was understanding. Just keep on feeding and soon she'll be better. 
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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sammspiess
Nope nope nope nope , do not let her do this, I’m guessing she is weight Restoring, if she needs to gain weight there is no such thing as too much food and it doesn’t matter if she’s hungry or not she still has to eat. People can eat when they aren’t hungry! Remind your daughter than when she was a little kid she would eat cake and ice cream and candy even when she wasn’t hungry because food is pleasurable and you can eat when your not hungry!
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tina72
Go with your gut, Yogi13. I think it was the right decision for that day. There will come BBQs again soon and when she is fit to join that it will get easier for all of you. You know her best.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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sk8r31
Also chiming in to say it seems you may the best choice for your d and your family.  Keeping with a schedule and keeping the day as stress-free as possible is a good plan in the early days.  Time enough later to push through eating out and eating in different social settings.  As debra18 says, Labor Day may be a whole different ballgame, and enjoying the bbq for all of you on that day may be just right!
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Yogi13
We ended up staying home stress free and she ate heartily.  We also had a weight gain this week(we are restoring), so I am thrilled we are still moving forward.  Going for dinner tonight, so even though we missed the party, I am still so very thankful we are going to enjoy a family dinner out at one of our favorite restaurants.  
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sandie
Lovely- enjoy. Xx
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scaredmom
Enjoy the dinner out! 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Yogi13
Dinner was great.  Thanks!!
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tina72
You are doing so great, Yogi13! Keep going! Weight gain and restaurant! Great!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Yogi13
Thank you.  Moving forward!  
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