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wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #1 
I have a couple of questions, but first let me give you a little background info on us.  My 14 yr old S has been suffering "officially" with AN since 2015, I say officially because that is when the dr's started taking his weight loss seriously because of the toll it was beginning to take on his health.  I suspect he has been suffering with an eating disorder since 2013 as he began to really lose weight after the deaths of his grandfather and father in the same year.  At first he was willing to restore weight and then he started down the slippery slope of losing again.  Only this time his behavior is out of control, there are times I do not recognize him at all. Just in case you are wondering he does not binge or purge, he is very strict with his diet.  He does not eat enough calories to gain, but he maintains which is the problem.  He is 5'3" and weighs 88 lbs, he has all but stopped growing.  I am concerned that he will not grow to his potential, but the dr's don't seem too concerned...I am! We do not have any FBT programs anywhere close to us so I am reading and trying to follow the FBT way as much as possible. He is seeing a therapist for AN and OCD.  She would like for him to be placed on meds for the OCD and I am really on the fence about it.  I guess I live in fear of adding another thing that might mess him up more.

So this leads to the first question: Do any of you have any experience with your child being on meds for OCD and what kind?

Second question:  Do any of you have any advice on how to cope with the hurtful things that are said during meals? My S body shames me and hurls insults when he doesn't want to eat what I have prepared. It is really taking a toll on my self esteem. This is the hardest thing about AN, we have a great relationship away from the table, we are really close as I am the only living parent he has.
tammy

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi wakeuplife happens, I am pretty new to this myself as my eight year old son was only diagnosed in August 2018. Luckily we were taken seriously and have managed to turn things around in a very short period of time. There will be more experienced members along soon to give you advice. My son exhibited a lot of OCD and autistic type behaviours whilst re feeding but these have all disappeared as he has put on weight and normalised eating.
With regards to the nasty comments you need to remember that this is ED talking not your son. Our son would lash out and hit and kick us and say the most awful things. I would advise you to try to stay calm and don’t take the comments personally. I found Eva Musbys videos very helpful and learned that compassion and understanding goes a long way.

Good luck. Xx
Doitagain

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi there - yes I have experience of this. First up Prozac - no effect at 15 MG - so it was doubled to 30 MG and disaster. I'd say with young people avoid like the plague. Next up Quitiapime - not great either although not a 'crazy ' reaction - a bit too much like a 'tanquiliser' . In its own way I felt this was the worst drug- left us and her, in a weird weird horrible sort of "limbo" - her words four years down the line - not mine , but wrong wrong wrong . Then antidepressant plus very low dose Olanzipine.. Miracle combo. I Personally think it was the Olanzipine. A lot of people say it can be a "game changer". It was for us and, everyone is individual but , you asked, so I recommend. OCD and Anorexia are a VERY Frequent combination .
OCD is awful as it's very private condition. Whilst you might expect to see the 'typical and much reported hand washing etc' (we didn't ) and you will probably see at least some mild repetitive patterns, it is a psychological illness so you can't really see it. It's manifests itself in thoughts first and foremost and it is unlikely that unless in the hands of a very skilled professional, that the sufferer will really tell you or anyone at all about the obsessive thoughts. They are quite often embarrassed and indeed ashamed of them. How horrible must that be for a young person and a real burden to carry. Medication, if it is right, at least gives the sufferer a temporary break from that . They deserve that break. When the thoughts are dampened down somewhat at least you are not fighting that battle as well. Be aware though, and look forward to the fact that when full, and above, weight restoration happens, and it will because you can do it, the OCD symptoms recede hugely if not disappear completely. I dont know why this is but it is true. Many people say that food restriction allleviated their OCD thoughts (read Carrie Arnold's book - Decoding Anorexia). And that this is what spiralled them into Anorexia in the first place. It's a tricky one - a bit like which came first - the chicken or the egg!?

There are a several people who have experience of dealing with a young person with both. I am only a mother, not a professional, but I can say that weight restoration in our case waved goodbye to OCD. We had to go beyond recommended weight though by about 8-12 lbs but as recommended weight for an ED sufferer tends to be always pitched at the lowest end, adding the extra only takes them into truly 'normal'. My teenager didn't grow either you don't say what height your son is, but my girl grew six inches when weight restored - and that was from the age of 17 when growth for girls has usually effectively stopped. Six Inches! And at twenty grew two of them - and is still growing. I think there is probably about an inch to come still. You know what your son needs to eat yourself so trust your instincts here because a mothers instincts are usually right. I would explore the medication now and if it helps him a little, that can only help you.

On the hate around mealtimes you have to brace yourself and ignore it. The worse he becomes the more you tell him you love him. "I'm sorry you feel like that and it must be hard right now AND I love you no matter what you say to me. IM not perfect none of us are and (dont use but by the way - say AND ) we'll sort this and I'm here for you" or words to that effect. It's a rocky road. Our hate went on for 2 years - day in day out every single day. But that went too when better and it will go for you too. Please remember that when it gets tough.

You don't say where you live but nobody should have to completely DIY this. If you say where you are there are such experienced parents on here who at this stage are frankly,more expert than the experts in my experience, that they can help try to point you in the right direction even if as you say, there is nothing in the immediate area.
Hope this reassures you a bit x
Torie

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hello and welcome to the club no one wants to join.

My d also was prescribed Prozac and became more suicidal while on it.  Many here report good results with olanzapine.  AN affects their brains in many ways so it is likely the OCD will lessen or resolve entirely after weight restoration (wr).

Really, I would focus on refeeding right now, with OCD as a lesser issue.  What helped most for me was something I learned here - you can add canola oil (rapeseed in UK) to everything from smoothies, soups, yogurt, rice, etc. and if you stir it in vigorously it disappears without changing flavor or texture.  A little experimentation will show you how much you can add.  The brain is made up largely of fats, so they are really important for brain healing. (The brain physically shrinks during active AN.)

As someone already mentioned, the Videos by forum member Eva Musby are really great.  I would provide a link, but my computer is causing me trouble - if you google "anorexia bungee" they should come right up.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like.  THat's why we're here. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #5 
P.S. Most here have found it's best to keep ED kid out of the kitchen while preparing meals.  It's your job to plan meals, shop, cook. plate, and the only job for the ED kid is to eat what you serve - all of it - every bite, sip and crumb.

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Wakeuplifehappens,

Welcome to this forum and sorry you need to be here.

My d wasn't on medication so I can only answer the second question. As many here on this forum I was slapped, kicked, bitten, hair pulled out and insulted. It is hard not to take it personally, but realise that it is just ED doing the insulting. When my d was recovered she couldn't remember all the nasty stuff she did or say. It will pass as the weight goes on.

Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!

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D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi wakeuplifehappens (great name!),
welcome here and why didn´t you post up to now? We are happy to help and your questions may help others, so please feel free to ask whatever you need.
To answer your first question, my d has not been on meds for OCD but had a lot of OCD behaviours which also disappered with WR. Did he had this OCD before AN started? It is often a symptom of malnurishment and AN. So maybe meds can help, but gaining weight would also.

"He does not eat enough calories to gain, but he maintains which is the problem.  He is 5'3" and weighs 88 lbs, he has all but stopped growing.  I am concerned that he will not grow to his potential, but the dr's don't seem too concerned...I am!"
You are very right with that and I cannot believe that the dr are content with that weight for a still growing boy! That is in no way healthy and he cannot recover from AN with that state. You are right that he needs to gain a lot more weight.
If you are doing FBT on your own, are you doing magic plate? When he eats what you serve, you might need to increase calories. When he serves himself, this has to stop because he will NEVER serve himself enough in that state and he will never get out of that circle alone. He needs your help with refeeding.

I tried to cope with the bad words by trying to take it funny. It is hard, I know. But when she said "f....bitch" for example I though "really? no other bad word you know, ED?". It is really ED and not your son saying all these things. My d today does not even remember what she said to me in these dark days. Try to seperate that, I know it is hard. Come here and vent, that helps a lot!

Tina72

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Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #8 
Welcome to the forum, sorry that you have had to find you way here. 

It sounds as though it has been an incredibly tough 5 years for you. Dealing with the deaths and then a son who has had a life threatening mental illness with professionals who appear to be offering very little support. From the figures you have given your son is on the 2nd centile for for BMI making him likely to be significantly underweight. If he is not growing in height as well he may be even more so underweight. 

It does sound as though you need much more support with getting your son's weight back up to normal. As others have said it is quite possible that many of his OCD behaviours are a part of his AN rather than a separate condition, unless it was evident prior to his illness. Many kids my D included have many OCD and anxiety related behaviours as part of their illness. We did use medication to assist, in the main because D was suicidal for a prolonged period of time and I felt that it was worth trying anything to help her. 

We tried Fluoxetine and although had no adverse effects we did not find it helpful
Sertraline - she had side effects
Venlafaxine - which she continues on to this day (5 years later) because of ongoing issues with anxiety. 
We also tried Olanzapine - which helped a lot with sleeping and obsessive thoughts at night. No help with eating, we stopped because of drowsiness.   Quetiapine which also helped with those thoughts with less drowsiness. She has been off this for some time. 

I think the most important thing with medication if it is going to be used is to have a clear goal and expectation of what you want it to help with. If it achieves that goal well and good. 

As for coping with the angry words, this is where it is essential to separate your child from the illness. My D was at times horrible  and vicious. Kicking out at me, scratching, and punching. In reality she is a very sweet gentle child who rarely gets angry and would not hurt a fly. This is the effect of the eating disorder, and learning to name that behaviour as ED I think is incredibly helpful. He is not attacking you it is the ED. The loathing between you and ED is mutual.  

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #9 

Hi wakeuplifehappens,

I am so sorry you needed to be here. I am also glad that you found us. You and your S have had a really hard 5 years. I am very concerned that your son is so underweight. Please look on this site for state and weight. He needs to gain weight for his brain to heal. Many of us here have seen our happy children yell at us while in the tight grip of ED. My D when she had gained a lot of weight, started to come back and be the lovely, happy and kind girl she used to.

If he takes meds or not, I think your first mission is to have him gain weight- a lot of it. My D also had OCD issues when really ill and now all gone! The brain needs to heal. Are you in charge of feeding him? I would advocate for Magic plate, that is you prepare the meals (very high calorie) and you plate them and he just has to eat. If he throws the food, plate it again. (use plastic plates to save your dishes if need be.) He should be gaining at least 1 kg per week.  Look up high calories here on this site. Please take the advice given above about adding cream,oil cheese, butter to get the calories up without increasing the volume of food. That may make it easier for him to eat what you give and then as he gains, you can increase the volume of food. He may really fight you, it is ED and not him, you need to go through the fire to get to the other side. It is the only way and you can do this. We are here to support you. 

There is hope that he can recover. Please keep feeding him.

Many of our children have needed upwards of 6000 cal + to gain weight to restore to health and then some for brain healing and puberty and normal growth. Please be aware that many professionals set the goal weight too low for brain healing. My D is 9kg above the first target weight/percentile for her age and it was when she got well above the first goal weight (WR) did she really become herself again.


Do you have help? A family member or friend to help out with distracting him during meals or after? Do you have time for self care? Is he going to school? Could you consider keeping him home to ensure he is eating appropriately? Some have had to initiate, Life Stops Until you Eat. LSUYE. 

Please look up toothfairy's and deenl's posts, they both have  boys with ED. Their stories may be helpful for you and your son. 

Please ask all the questions you have, we are all ears.

XXX

Food+more food+time+love=healing--->recovery


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #10 
Hi there,
I am so sorry to read all this.
Yes you are right to be worried, his  BMI is only 15.6 . 
He needs to be re-fed and we will try and help you with that.
Here are some tips another parent shared , I hope you find them helpful.



1. You prepare meals

2. Do not allow your child in the kitchen during meal prep

3. Your child should not go grocery shopping.

4. Toilet before meal and no toilet for at least an hour afterwards.

5. If purging is suspected, use an open door policy in the bathroom, or have them count or sing whilst in there. And no flushing

6. Do not negotiate - whatever you serve has to be eaten

7. Use whatever leverage you have - phone, Internet, tv - whatever they hold dear is to be removed if they refuse to eat, until they have eaten. If they're older and are not financially independent, this is your leverage

8. Separate the two - Your child is not the ED

9. Detach yourself from the situation during meals. Do not get drawn into emotional discussions. THIS IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATION

10. Remember that your child wants to recover - the ED is stopping them

11. Your child needs your permission to eat. They need you to stand up to ED as they do not have the strength to do so themselves

12. 3 meals and 3 snacks per day (supervised) - do not deviate from this. Add time limits to the meals (as a guide/goal!). Ours (and the hospitals) was 30 mins for meals and 15 mins for snacks. In the early days this could extend A LOT. I made my Ds meal times the same as they'd be at school so that when she transitioned back to full time it would be easier and less anxiety provoking.

13. High calories are needed throughout refeeding with lots of full fat dairy. Some need as much as 6,000 cals with hyper metabolism, but the norm would be minimum 3500-4000 cals (for you to track not your child)

14. When they know you will not negotiate, I promise you will see the weight lifted from their shoulders... If only for very short periods

15. BE THE CAGE that keeps ED away from your child

16. When food is eaten be mum / dad again and have cuddles if they'll let you

17. 24/7 supervision - I slept with my D for 4 months - this will protect against them purging through vomiting or exercise. Many patients will exercise alone at night for hours on end when nobody else is awake.

18. All sport may need to stop in the early stages, and
for those who compulsively exercised this could be long term.

19. Be consistent, consistent consistent!

20. Don't congratulate them after a meal or say 'well done' - just cheer inwardly! Likewise when (for girls) their period returns!

21. Learn from others. I found this website with stories of other parents journey through recovery to be extremely helpful - http://www.maudsleyparents.org/familystories.html

22. Recommended reading: 'Brave Girl Eating' by Harriet Brown

23. Be prepared for resistance, and lots of it! You will find your own way to manage this, but NEVER back down. Any compromise is a win for ED. Remember, you have to see the beast to slay beast!

24. Making decisions / choices is extremely difficult for them (painful to watch). This is true in areas outside of food too. If you've tried to hand over some control of a meal or snack and notice that they are struggling, that is an indication that it is too soon and that you need to be making those decisions for them.

25. Sometimes distraction helps during meal times. That can come in the form of games,TV, music. Whatever it is you control it and it only continues with eating.

 

Hope this helps! Best of luck!

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Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #11 



__________________
Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
juditab

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Reply with quote  #12 
You are getting good advice here. I would just re-emphasize that the behavior you see around meal times is not your son. Anorexia is a lying, hate-filled jerk and recognizing it as a separate from your son is key. It will help you have more compassion during the hardest times. Weight restoration will bring back his true personality.
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #13 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tammy
Hi wakeuplife happens, I am pretty new to this myself as my eight year old son was only diagnosed in August 2018. Luckily we were taken seriously and have managed to turn things around in a very short period of time. There will be more experienced members along soon to give you advice. My son exhibited a lot of OCD and autistic type behaviours whilst re feeding but these have all disappeared as he has put on weight and normalised eating. With regards to the nasty comments you need to remember that this is ED talking not your son. Our son would lash out and hit and kick us and say the most awful things. I would advise you to try to stay calm and don’t take the comments personally. I found Eva Musbys videos very helpful and learned that compassion and understanding goes a long way. Good luck. Xx



Thank you for the encouraging words.  I hope your S continues to have much success in his overcoming ED.
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #14 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doitagain
Hi there - yes I have experience of this. First up Prozac - no effect at 15 MG - so it was doubled to 30 MG and disaster. I'd say with young people avoid like the plague. Next up Quitiapime - not great either although not a 'crazy ' reaction - a bit too much like a 'tanquiliser' . In its own way I felt this was the worst drug- left us and her, in a weird weird horrible sort of "limbo" - her words four years down the line - not mine , but wrong wrong wrong . Then antidepressant plus very low dose Olanzipine.. Miracle combo. I Personally think it was the Olanzipine. A lot of people say it can be a "game changer". It was for us and, everyone is individual but , you asked, so I recommend. OCD and Anorexia are a VERY Frequent combination . OCD is awful as it's very private condition. Whilst you might expect to see the 'typical and much reported hand washing etc' (we didn't ) and you will probably see at least some mild repetitive patterns, it is a psychological illness so you can't really see it. It's manifests itself in thoughts first and foremost and it is unlikely that unless in the hands of a very skilled professional, that the sufferer will really tell you or anyone at all about the obsessive thoughts. They are quite often embarrassed and indeed ashamed of them. How horrible must that be for a young person and a real burden to carry. Medication, if it is right, at least gives the sufferer a temporary break from that . They deserve that break. When the thoughts are dampened down somewhat at least you are not fighting that battle as well. Be aware though, and look forward to the fact that when full, and above, weight restoration happens, and it will because you can do it, the OCD symptoms recede hugely if not disappear completely. I dont know why this is but it is true. Many people say that food restriction allleviated their OCD thoughts (read Carrie Arnold's book - Decoding Anorexia). And that this is what spiralled them into Anorexia in the first place. It's a tricky one - a bit like which came first - the chicken or the egg!? There are a several people who have experience of dealing with a young person with both. I am only a mother, not a professional, but I can say that weight restoration in our case waved goodbye to OCD. We had to go beyond recommended weight though by about 8-12 lbs but as recommended weight for an ED sufferer tends to be always pitched at the lowest end, adding the extra only takes them into truly 'normal'. My teenager didn't grow either you don't say what height your son is, but my girl grew six inches when weight restored - and that was from the age of 17 when growth for girls has usually effectively stopped. Six Inches! And at twenty grew two of them - and is still growing. I think there is probably about an inch to come still. You know what your son needs to eat yourself so trust your instincts here because a mothers instincts are usually right. I would explore the medication now and if it helps him a little, that can only help you. On the hate around mealtimes you have to brace yourself and ignore it. The worse he becomes the more you tell him you love him. "I'm sorry you feel like that and it must be hard right now AND I love you no matter what you say to me. IM not perfect none of us are and (dont use but by the way - say AND ) we'll sort this and I'm here for you" or words to that effect. It's a rocky road. Our hate went on for 2 years - day in day out every single day. But that went too when better and it will go for you too. Please remember that when it gets tough. You don't say where you live but nobody should have to completely DIY this. If you say where you are there are such experienced parents on here who at this stage are frankly,more expert than the experts in my experience, that they can help try to point you in the right direction even if as you say, there is nothing in the immediate area. Hope this reassures you a bit x
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #15 
I live in central Florida on the east coast.  We have no one close that practices FBT and not many that deal with boys anywhere near us.  I am widowed and I am  the sole caregiver to my S and also my mom who has dementia.  My plate is full so it is difficult to travel long distances for help. I also work full-time and can not even consider taking time off.  Thank you for the information on the OCD meds and the encouraging words.  I am going to check out the recommended reading, seems like that is what I do the most in my quest to become an expert on ED.  
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #16 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torie
Hello and welcome to the club no one wants to join.

My d also was prescribed Prozac and became more suicidal while on it.  Many here report good results with olanzapine.  AN affects their brains in many ways so it is likely the OCD will lessen or resolve entirely after weight restoration (wr).

Really, I would focus on refeeding right now, with OCD as a lesser issue.  What helped most for me was something I learned here - you can add canola oil (rapeseed in UK) to everything from smoothies, soups, yogurt, rice, etc. and if you stir it in vigorously it disappears without changing flavor or texture.  A little experimentation will show you how much you can add.  The brain is made up largely of fats, so they are really important for brain healing. (The brain physically shrinks during active AN.)

As someone already mentioned, the Videos by forum member Eva Musby are really great.  I would provide a link, but my computer is causing me trouble - if you google "anorexia bungee" they should come right up.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like.  THat's why we're here. xx

-Torie
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #17 
Thank you for the advice on adding oil.  I am also going to check out the videos.   
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #18 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamaroo
Hi Wakeuplifehappens,

Welcome to this forum and sorry you need to be here.

My d wasn't on medication so I can only answer the second question. As many here on this forum I was slapped, kicked, bitten, hair pulled out and insulted. It is hard not to take it personally, but realise that it is just ED doing the insulting. When my d was recovered she couldn't remember all the nasty stuff she did or say. It will pass as the weight goes on.

Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #19 
Thank you, I will try to remember your words when things get rough. 😉
tina72

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Reply with quote  #20 
Hi,
sorry to hear that. It will get difficult to care for your son and your mom and work full time.
With AN it is essential that you can help him with all meals and snacks. If that is not possible (and I understand your situation totally), can you think about getting him into a good IP for some time? In your situation I think it is not possible to do FBT at home. You are now a super heroe in my eyes and I do not see where you can take the time to do FBT. Do you have some close friends or family that could help you? You do not help your son if you get carer burnout...
Tina72

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d off to University now 2 years after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #21 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tina72
Hi wakeuplifehappens (great name!),
welcome here and why didn´t you post up to now? We are happy to help and your questions may help others, so please feel free to ask whatever you need.
To answer your first question, my d has not been on meds for OCD but had a lot of OCD behaviours which also disappered with WR. Did he had this OCD before AN started? It is often a symptom of malnurishment and AN. So maybe meds can help, but gaining weight would also.

"He does not eat enough calories to gain, but he maintains which is the problem.  He is 5'3" and weighs 88 lbs, he has all but stopped growing.  I am concerned that he will not grow to his potential, but the dr's don't seem too concerned...I am!"
You are very right with that and I cannot believe that the dr are content with that weight for a still growing boy! That is in no way healthy and he cannot recover from AN with that state. You are right that he needs to gain a lot more weight.
If you are doing FBT on your own, are you doing magic plate? When he eats what you serve, you might need to increase calories. When he serves himself, this has to stop because he will NEVER serve himself enough in that state and he will never get out of that circle alone. He needs your help with refeeding.

I tried to cope with the bad words by trying to take it funny. It is hard, I know. But when she said "f....bitch" for example I though "really? no other bad word you know, ED?". It is really ED and not your son saying all these things. My d today does not even remember what she said to me in these dark days. Try to seperate that, I know it is hard. Come here and vent, that helps a lot!

Tina72
tina72

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Reply with quote  #22 
You seem to have problems with the "reply with quote". It took me half a year to find out how it works [wink].
If you go to the pencil then "reply with quote" opens. You can now delete parts of the quote if you want, but you need to leave the End of the quote originally. Then you get on "enter" and go to a new line and then you can add what you want to say to this quote.
It is a bit uncomfortable.
Tina72

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tina72

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Reply with quote  #23 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tina72
You seem to have problems with the "reply with quote". It took me half a year to find out how it works [wink].
If you go to the pencil then "reply with quote" opens. You can now delete parts of the quote if you want, but you need to leave the End of the quote originally. Then you get on "enter" and go to a new line and then you can add what you want to say to this quote.
It is a bit uncomfortable.
Tina72


This is how it looks then.
Tina72

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d off to University now 2 years after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #24 
Yes, my son was diagnosed with OCD and Anxiety Disorder when he was 7yrs old.  He wasn't that bad, he just needed a little help with time on his school work and tests.  He started watching he ate around 9 yrs. old and really starting losing weight fast at age 10.  He lost both his grandfather and father that year and everyone thought he would bounce back after a little time, but of course he did not.  I kept taking him to the dr and they did not seem concerned until he had lost almost 20 lbs! I was losing my mind and of course his labs came back with more bad news.  Finally we were referred to a specialist and it seemed we were on the right track for a short while. He started gaining for about 6 mos. and then he started losing again.  We go for weigh-ins...what a joke the dr always tells him,"as long as you don't lose any weight your fine." I just want to scream OMG!! He should be growing and gaining weight!!  Anyway I am learning everything I can and hopefully we will overcome this monster!
wakeuplifehappens

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Reply with quote  #25 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum, sorry that you have had to find you way here. 

It sounds as though it has been an incredibly tough 5 years for you. Dealing with the deaths and then a son who has had a life threatening mental illness with professionals who appear to be offering very little support. From the figures you have given your son is on the 2nd centile for for BMI making him likely to be significantly underweight. If he is not growing in height as well he may be even more so underweight. 

It does sound as though you need much more support with getting your son's weight back up to normal. As others have said it is quite possible that many of his OCD behaviours are a part of his AN rather than a separate condition, unless it was evident prior to his illness. Many kids my D included have many OCD and anxiety related behaviours as part of their illness. We did use medication to assist, in the main because D was suicidal for a prolonged period of time and I felt that it was worth trying anything to help her. 

We tried Fluoxetine and although had no adverse effects we did not find it helpful
Sertraline - she had side effects
Venlafaxine - which she continues on to this day (5 years later) because of ongoing issues with anxiety. 
We also tried Olanzapine - which helped a lot with sleeping and obsessive thoughts at night. No help with eating, we stopped because of drowsiness.   Quetiapine which also helped with those thoughts with less drowsiness. She has been off this for some time. 

I think the most important thing with medication if it is going to be used is to have a clear goal and expectation of what you want it to help with. If it achieves that goal well and good. 

As for coping with the angry words, this is where it is essential to separate your child from the illness. My D was at times horrible  and vicious. Kicking out at me, scratching, and punching. In reality she is a very sweet gentle child who rarely gets angry and would not hurt a fly. This is the effect of the eating disorder, and learning to name that behaviour as ED I think is incredibly helpful. He is not attacking you it is the ED. The loathing between you and ED is mutual.  
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