F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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yellowcaty
Hi
Is there anyone out there whose D/S has been in IP for a long time? I’m feeling a bit down tonight as my D has been in IP for 7 months today. At times I find myself calling it her home.

I know I have it easier than most as I don’t have to deal with the day in day out battle with ED, but my heart aches every minute of the day we are apart. There are times when I can’t think of anything else, which is hard when I have 3 others. Her leave still varies and this weekend she was only home for 9 hours on Saturday.

I read all of the posts on here everyday and admire how strong people are. At times the posts are hard to read, but I do get something from each one. I’ve asked the question before, but does this ever end?

X



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Enn

Yellowcaty, 
I am so sorry today is so hard. Of course you miss her so much. You love her! It is hard to focus on the well children when the other is ill. I have been through that too. My D was only in for 3.5 weeks and I count those 3 days past the 3 weeks as they really matter to me. That was 3 extra days she was not home. It is heartbreaking, it really is. 
 We all feel and worry and care. No matter what our situation is, it is our burden. 

I do hope you had a good time with her on her leave this weekend. When they come home and then leave, I feel it is harder than if they stayed at the hospital. 

Yes it does end. You are 7 months along from where you were. Try to look ahead with optimism, my friend. I know it is so heart wrenching this terrible, awful illness. You are not alone. We are here for you and you and she will get through. 

Sending you my best,
Big hugs
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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smileymum

Hey yellowcaty

I hear your pain  - this illness brings such heartache and it sounds like you're really struggling with missing her, the length of the stay and perhaps not having the space to kind of grieve for the sake of your other kids. I remember how hard it was when my d went 'home'  - yes I called it that, too. It's Ok to feel this way and natural when all you want to do is tell them it will be OK and hold them until it is.

If it is any help at all, it does get better. In our case from pyschiatric IP, suicidality, s/h to Ed - the lot! I wish I could speed this journey up for you but as you well know, it will have to take its course. But, clearly you are a loving mum who aches for her child - what a fortunate girl to have your love and support. She'll need it.

With every best wish this Sunday evening as you face into the week. Well done reaching out this eve - it can take some courage to do so. xx

Smileymum
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mjkz
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I know I have it easier than most as I don’t have to deal with the day in day out battle with ED,


No, you've got it just as hard but in a different way. How is she doing?  Have there been any talk of home leave or anticipated discharge date?

In the US, we don't tend to have quite as long admissions as you have in the UK but it is just as hard to have her away from home so long as it would be having her home and struggling over food.
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HopeNZ
Sending virtual hugs your way, Yellowcaty.  Although each of us walks a slightly different path, the one thing in common is that they are tough.  Tough, exhausting and unwelcome.  I'm so sorry your d is away from the bosom of the family right now, and you're missing her so very much.  And perhaps you're grieving a little, too, for the way things might have been had ED not shown up on your doorstep?  I feel that too.  I've no doubt there will be a time in the not too distant future when you can look back and say (to quote DHLawrence) 'look, we have come through'.

I recommend some self-love, a warm soaky bath and candles [love]
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yellowcaty
Thanks for your replies. It is so good to know that there are people out there who care and have been/ are going through the same.Sometimes you just need a hello and a few words of encouragement. It is the nights that are the hardest when you have too much time to think. I have started to listen to stories which do help me to drift off.

Mjkz At the moment they are trying to transfer her to an adult unit which take from 17. Her consultant also works there so there is some consistency. We are very lucky that they are still providing her with care beyond weight restoration, they know that there are still a lot of other issues that need to be addressed. We are just waiting on a decision from NHS England. I think that is why I’m struggling at the moment as the future is uncertain and Christmas round the corner.

Home leave has been inconsistent as she has suicidal thoughts and they have to determine risk week by week. She was coming home for a night and occasionally two, but then tried to drink nail varnish remover a few weeks ago. She may get an over night next week, which will be quite a challenge.

Most of the time I have to just keep going, but I’m having a bit of a wobble at the moment. I’m so tired off trying to put a brave face on all the time.

Thanks for listening xxxxx
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