F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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pheim Show full post »
pheim wrote:

 I felt so down yesterday, wondering how I can become the parent she needs me to be, if it's even possible. I shy away from conflict and am naturally hopeful and optimistic (naïve?). Sigh...🙁

You will learn how to become that parent and you will learn how to change your parenting style, believe me!
I was like you and Ellesmum (her thread is great to see that development: "Can´t do that today") was the same and today I honestly would not dare to get into her way ...🙂 or into my way!
To shy conficts is nothing you can keep doing with ED but to be optimistic is very much needed here!
Think about it another / positive way: you can be a great role model for your d now. She can learn how to manage a crisis and how to stay strict when its needed and how to stand firm with you own meaning and fight for your interests and let nobody tell you what to do.
My d once said to me in the recovery process "I never knew that you are so strong, mom" and I answered "I did not know that before either, my darling".
Helping your d to survive ED will develop superhero power in you that you never knew you can have.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Your comments are all so helpful and appreciated. Case in point: when D was home yesterday I quickly pulled up this thread while she was talking with her brother in order to maintain some resolve and try to stay the course. Sometimes I think of it like this: ED has positioned itself in my daughter's life with the intent to overthrow me as her mother, as if it knows better than I; if I think of it that way, I can feel my maternal instincts (and anger!) kick in, fueling my drive to protect her from ED's influence. I have an acquaintance whose D struggled with AN and is 2 yrs recovered; she has thanked her parents for being "badass" enough to bring her back from the edge. 🙂
"What's comin' will come and we'll meet it when it does."
Yes pheim,
that is the way to think about it!
You have your ED weapons ready to go!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
I imagined ED as a bad bully that dares to forbid my d to eat that ice cream that she desperately wanted to eat. That helped me to see who the enemy is and to seperate ED and my d. Yes, maternal instinct (and that of a lion) are needed!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.