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freedomfighter

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hi, this is my first post here. 

My D (16, nearly 17) has been restricting severely for several years now, has had no period for several years.  But she hasn't been officially diagnosed Anorexic because although she has seen GP and has been under camhs, she just denies there is anything wrong.  GP told her she was still within a healthy weight (BMI 2% centile even though she has always been in the 90th centile until this started, as she is very tall) and has refused to be weighed for the past 6 months.  Set up another assessment for her with CAMHS last week, and she didn't show up at home to go to the appointment.  Pleaded with her to go, said I would have to talk to her 6th form college and gym if she didn't attend, which I will do.  Had a long chat with CAMHS who say they need to 'close' on her at this point as she has refused to engage with them for so long that it is not safe for them to officially be looking after her as it may stop other agencies then stepping up.

She is a total perfectionist around her studies, high achieving and anxious, still functioning at 6th form college, always cold, always grumpy, her body so tense and rigid, still seeing friends but just occasionally, quite disconnected.  She won't talk to me at all.  In some states she just covers her eyes when I come into the room to say goodnight.  Usually she is just remote.  Other days she is very unhappy, sobbing, saying she feels disgusting, and on those time she will allow me to love her (not cuddle her, she hates that, but she will allow me to give her a foot massage, say, which can seem to bring her some relief from her tension). 

I long for her to open up to anyone.  Set her up with a counsellor (quite separate to the ED, hoping it would make her feel safe).  She made the first appointment but then walked out half way through the next one.  She has always been very self-contained, ever since she was a baby, and it's like the ED has taken hold of this personality trait and manipulated it into some kind of prison. 

Anyway, apologies for being so long-winded.  I know that denial and refusing to engage is part of the Anorexia but from what I can gather J is unusually resistant to any kind of talking or sharing.  We are at our wits end.  I know she's still in there.  Almost at the stage where I want her to collapse so that she can no longer say there is nothing wrong, but she is always careful to pull back from the brink.  She looks well, too, which somehow upsets me most of all - kind of super-modellish.  Don't know what to do next. Does anyone have any wisdom on how to get through to her?  Thank you.



tina72

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi freedomfighter,
a warm welcome from Germany and great that you found us here. This forum is a lifesaver and you will get a lot of help from all the nice parents all over the world. Just ask whatever you need. Please give us some information in which state/country you live, then it is easier to help you. And please don´t apologize for informations we need [wink]

First: As you say the behaviour of your d is totally normal for AN and she cannot see that she is ill and needs help. It is normal that they don´t want to talk about it, see no friends, hate you and don´t want to change anything. That is part of the disease and part of the problem.

So what you have to do is break that behaviour and require that she needs to change that behaviour. Easier said than done, I know. The problem is with this young adults we think they must be able to get that on their own. But she cannot do this. She needs your help.
So first of all, please see that you are not helpless. She is 16/17, but not legally adult and not independent. You have a lot of power. She lives in your house, you pay for food, for school, for iphone and car. So you need to make some contract with her: if you want to take the car, you need to finish this meal first, for example.
You need to get in charge for meals and plate her food and she has to eat it. No exeptions. Your house, your rules. This sounds hard, but that is the only language ED is understanding. Try to seperate your d from the ED, that makes it easier. You need to do that quickly because when she is legally adult it will get much harder. She must learn that there is no way not to eat.

Every ED behaviour must have consequences, good behaviour incentives. Think about what she liked to do before ED and what incentives you can set. Make a plan. If she skips an appointment, get a new one for the next day. She must see that appointments are not negotiable. Same with weighings.

2% percentile is no healthy weight at all. She is at the edge to be underweight and that is not o.k. Think about changing the GP if he doesn´t support you with weight gain. Get college and gym into the boat. She should not exercise with this low weight.

What you tell us about her character I can tell you that is the typical ED character. Perfectionistic, anxious, rule-bounded...

To give you some hope: my d is 18 now and was diagnosed last January with 17. She went IP for 3 months and then we did refeeding at home for 3 more month. She is on a healthy weight for 6 months now and we got her back. She is the nice girl we knew before again and she is eating nearly normal now. There is still some way to go but we think she can graduate this year and go to university in October.
You can do that and you are not alone.

Please read two books for the start:
Eva Musby: Anorexia and other Eating Disorders: how to help your child eat well and be well: Practical solutions, compassionate communication tools and emotional support for parents of children and teenagers.
Carrie Arnold: Decoding Anorexia.
That will help you a lot to understand the disease and to know what you have to do.
Read all you can get here on this page and ask whatever you need.

Tina72

Torie

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi FreedomFighter - so sorry you needed to join us here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
GP told her she was still within a healthy weight (BMI 2% centile even though she has always been in the 90th centile until this started, as she is very tall) and has refused to be weighed for the past 6 months. 


Ugh.  As you know, it is not (not NOT) okay for her to remain at this weight.  If you can't find a healthcare professional who can/will help, you will have to go it alone.

Relative to the need for more food/weight/fats/calories, nothing else matters.  Not her mood, not her attitude, not her lack of recognition that there is a problem.  She "just" needs to eat and regain the weight she needs.

Sorry to say that time is short until your parental authority starts to erode quite quickly.  So I would urge you to pull out all the stops in getting her to eat.  It is your job to plan meals, shop, cook, and plate the meals.  Her only job is to eat what you serve - all of it, every bite, sip, and crumb.

One reason to keep her out of the kitchen is so that she won't be troubled to see you adding cream and rapeseed oil to her food.  I was surprised to learn that rapeseed oil will disappear without changing flavor or texture if you stir it in briskly and don't add too much (you can add a surprising amount though - experimentation will tell you how much).

SInce the brain is made up largely of fat, brain healing requires plenty of dietary fat.  Also, the high caloric value of fat helps keep serving sizes manageable - it would take a mountain of broccoli to equate to a nice caloric smoothie spiked generously with oil.

Many here have found success with LSUYE (Life Stops Until You Eat).  Expressed positively, of course.  "You can go to school as soon as you have finished breakfast."  "I'll meet you in the parking lot with your lunch and you can go back in as soon as you have finished."  "We can watch that show (or whatever) as soon as you have finished."  That type of thing.

Some have had good success requiring Fortisip as a replacement if all or part of the meal is refused - enough Fortisip to be a little more than the food she refuses.

Oh, and it is also a really good idea to require her to stay with you for at least an hour after each meal to ensure that what goes in stays in.  I always asked my d to use the restroom before each meal/snack so that she would be able to do that.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like.  We've all been there, and we have the t-shirts.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
freedomfighter

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you both for your caring responses - greatly appreciated.  Trying to get our heads around the next step, insisting that she eats and not taking no for an answer.  I can't see how that will work but we must work out a way of going for it.   She is an EXTREMELY strong character.  Yes I have the Eva Musby book (excellent, though more relevant for younger children), also an interesting book called Inspiring Resistance to Anorexia/Bulimna by Maisel/Epston/Boren, which really emphasises the personification of the eating disorder.

I put some misinformation in my initial posting - sorry.  I said that J was 2% centile.  In fact, she is 6% - I got muddled.  (Though don't know what she weighs now).  In any case, that's still not a healthy weight, but not as disastrous as what I initially said.

Btw, we are living in the UK. 

Thanks again.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #5 
Welcome to the forum, sorry that you have had to find your way here, and that you and your poor D have been the victims of poor care so far. We are not doctors here, but everything you are saying about your D sounds typical and normal for someone with a severe eating disorder, including the strong character, the high achieving, anxious. 

Your D may well be seriously physically unwell despite being in a "normal" weight range. You may wish to have a look at this medical article about presentations to a hospital in Australia http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/137/4/e20154080

You D does not have to be "underweight" to be sick, and clearly needs a diagnosis and treatment.  Firstly she needs food, much more than any therapy. Yes it is hard. She will refuse to go. She will insist you are all crazy. She will say you are making a fuss about nothing. The facts are that she clearly is not well. She is not having periods. She has lost a lot of weight. She is cold all the time. Unfortunately the only way she will get treatment is if you insist, you make sure that she goes to her appointments, you make sure she eats. She doesn't have to engage at all. You have to be the agent of this. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi freedomfighter,
I think it is not important if it is 2% or 6 % percentile - we both agree that both are too low.
Why don´t you know what she weights now? Is she blind-weighed?

"I can't see how that will work but we must work out a way of going for it.   She is an EXTREMELY strong character."
ED is an extremly strong illness. Your d behind that waits for you to help her.
I experienced that once I started the fight seriously my d was facilitated because she could blame me for food intake and that made it easier for her to fight that inner ED voice. She says now she wanted to stopp ED but she didn´t know how and she was so grateful when she saw that I seem to know how. So fake it until you make it. Show her you know how to treat that disease and that you will get in charge for that TODAY. No discussion about food or portions, that is wasted time. Here is the meal you need to eat. You wont discuss the amount of chemotherapy if she had cancer, won´t you?

So you will find a way to do that and maybe after the first hard fights you will experience that it is getting easier, too. Ask whatever you need and tell us where the problems are.
Tina72


Torie

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Reply with quote  #7 
Re-reading your original post, I have a few thoughts to add, interspersed below:

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
My D (16, nearly 17) has been restricting severely for several years now, has had no period for several years.  But she hasn't been officially diagnosed Anorexic because although she has seen GP and has been under camhs, she just denies there is anything wrong. 


Well, duh.  Of course she denies there is anything wrong!  Diagnosing AN does not involve getting the patient to admit there is something wrong - many if not most patients never admit anything is wrong, which in itself is one of the symptoms of AN.  They look for weight loss (yep), cessation of menses (yep), bone density (did they check that? She could have osteopenia or even osteoporosis), and if the patient denies that something is wrong in the face of this empirical evidence, well, that in itself is evidence of AN.

They need to do their job and diagnose this.  (Or explain what DOESN'T fit an AN diagnosis.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
GP told her she was still within a healthy weight (BMI 2% centile even though she has always been in the 90th centile until this started, as she is very tall) and has refused to be weighed for the past 6 months. 


Oh dang, I hate when the professional "help" says idiotic and counterproductive things like that.  

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Set up another assessment for her with CAMHS last week, and she didn't show up at home to go to the appointment.  Pleaded with her to go, said I would have to talk to her 6th form college and gym if she didn't attend, which I will do. 


I wonder if you can get some back-up from the school on this.  Could you ask them to require her to be assessed?  And gym?  As in, gym membership?  IMO, she should not be going to a gym, especially without being monitored at least weekly to make sure her heart is still strong enough for exercise (which she really shouldn't be doing anyway).

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Had a long chat with CAMHS who say they need to 'close' on her at this point as she has refused to engage with them for so long that it is not safe for them to officially be looking after her as it may stop other agencies then stepping up. 


What the heck???  What "other agencies" are waiting in line to "step up"???

Can someone from the other side of the pond weigh in on this, please?  The only "other agencies" I remember hearing of in the UK are adult services, which are unlikely to do better than CAMHS, if I understand the situation over there correctly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
She has always been very self-contained, ever since she was a baby, and it's like the ED has taken hold of this personality trait and manipulated it into some kind of prison.
 

Yes, ED takes their best qualities and harnesses them to use against them.  Heartbreaking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Anyway, apologies for being so long-winded. 


Please don't apologize for that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
I know that denial and refusing to engage is part of the Anorexia but from what I can gather J is unusually resistant to any kind of talking or sharing. 


She doesn't need to talk or share.  She "just" needs to eat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
We are at our wits end.  I know she's still in there.  Almost at the stage where I want her to collapse so that she can no longer say there is nothing wrong


She would probably insist, from her hospital bed recovering from a heart attack, that she is fine, nothing wrong.  It's okay if she doesn't see the problem.  She doesn't need to see the problem, and she doesn't need to WANT to recover.  For example, I dragged my d back to wellness with her pretty much kicking and screaming.  A horrible aspect of this vile illness, for sure, but not an insurmountable one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Does anyone have any wisdom on how to get through to her?  Thank you.


My advice is to stop trying to figure out how to get through to her, and start focusing on getting her to eat.  It's so weird.  I think we all start out wanting to get through to them - I know I did - but really, that's not necessary.

She really should have her orthostatic pulse and blood pressure taken regularly to make sure her heart is not compromised.  (They can appear to be "fine" right up until they collapse.)  And I think she really should have a bone scan since she has not had a period in so long - there is some (slight) chance that your d will find a bit of motivation in knowing that her bones are being compromised.

This is a tough, tough battle, but we are here for you.  Your real d is in there somewhere, and she is counting on you to rescue her from this vile monster of an illness.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #8 
P.S., I don't know if this is an option at all, as your family would need to pay, but I know forum member ToothFairy always said she would take her d to the US (from Ireland) if need be to attend one of the weeklong intensive family programs.  A number of forum members have said that's what turned things around for them - we can provide links to specific information if that would be helpful.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
freedomfighter

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Reply with quote  #9 
Thank you so much everyone for all this galvanising response, it brings a clarity we have been lacking.  It all rings so true.  Terrified of trying and failing to 'feed' her.  Busy now thinking through all this, and seeking to get professional support around us as we do it. Will be asking specific questions about specific situations as they come up.  Thank you all again.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #10 
I can imagine that you feel terrified now. I felt the same. But with every day you will get more experience and you will learn by try and error. And when you realise that it is working and you will see some weight gain and her mood getting better and when she is slowly coming back, that gives you so much power. You can do that. We all thought we couldn´t, but we could. It is hard and it is a long term run, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don´t give up.
Tina72
tina72

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Reply with quote  #11 
And please make sure, as Torie said, that heart, blood and bones are checked. AN makes fat going into the bones so they get weak and causes osteoporoses.
Here in IP in Germany they only checked what insurance will pay for, so maybe you have to pay some tests privatly.
We checked zinc, vitamin B1,6 and 12 and pottasium that way and she had the worst numbers ever taken at this GP.
Less zinc and vitamin B12 causes less appetit and depression, nothing you need right now. My d was malnurished only for 9 months and we are still working to get that values right after 1 year in refeeding.
Tina72
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #12 
Just want to reiterate that your daughter doesn't have to acknowledge she is ill to get better.  In fact she may never acknowledge it.  A key factor in eating disorders is the inability to see that he/she is ill so it makes sense.  Also you don't need a diagnosis to refeed nor does she need to engage with anybody.  Most places don't do therapy until the person is weight restored anyway so her job at this point is only to eat what you put in front of her.
Optimistic

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Reply with quote  #13 
When my d was admitted to a medical hospital for low heart rate (after a loss of about 12 pounds), she would be caught doing sit-ups in her hospital bed and saying, in a rather matter-of-fact way that she was the only child on the adolescent ward that wasn't sick. They can't see it.

freedomfighter

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Reply with quote  #14 
Dear all

Since posting for the first time just under 2 weeks ago, our thinking has really changed and we are preparing to start feeding.  It feels a million times better to be heading towards this rather than the horrific place of passivity we were in before.

Camhs have reconsidered and agreed to keep D's case open, and in fact sent her a very seriously worded letter about how she had to attend basic checks or they may need to get a mental health assessment.  D furious with this and says I keep telling everyone lies, but I think it was effective.

Have changed GP (previous GP was doing her best but getting it very wrong) and I have a telephone appointment with her Thursday, and then an appointment with D in 10 days time.  I am going to explain that D needs clear message that she is very ill and that we are her parents are going to have to take over her food choices until she gets well again.  We will make sure that D gets necessary blood tests etc.  But my fear is: what if all blood tests come back 'normal' (they may do - D has always been extremely sturdy and strong), am anxious that this will give D the message that I am just making a fuss.  I think this has become a huge fear of mine, that I won't be believed.  On one hand anyone should be able to see that D is too thin, not well, on the other hand there are times when she looks great and seems well (always short-lived and always involving terrble kick-back after).  There are moments when I am even convinced that it will all be ok, that it could be worse, and then a terrible time happens and I realise that no, she is NOW in a very bad way, and getting worse. 

Anyway, my question here is: any advice when talking to the doctor on the phone on Thursday? She does not know us at all.  What am I asking her for?  I feel we need a firm professional voice behind us as we start re-feeding her (we are aiming for about 10 days time).  Any other advice about preparing for this? Do we tell D in advance? how much in advance?  Have to dash off to work now.  Am reading through Eva Musby's book which is so helpful.  In fact I am devouring it - I bought it nearly two years ago but somehow it is now that it makes perfect sense.

Anyway, THANK YOU for the wonderful support of this forum.  It is priceless and has already made such a difference, if only to the thinking of us as parents as yet!




tina72

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi freedomfighter,
if the blood test is in detail, I would be very surprised if it is "normal".
You wrote your d is restricting and having no period for severyl years. I would bet she will have bad blood tests.
My d was restricting only for 9 months before IP and she lost half of her hair when refeeding started. She had the worst Vitamin B1, B6 and B12 test in our GP. Check zinc and potassium and magnesium. Vitamin C and D. Bone density test is very important. Some tests may not been payed by insurance, ask for them, too. If possible, ask the new GP to test everything available.
Your biggest problem will be to get the GP into the boat that you need to be in charge for food intake and weight although your d is nearly an adult. If she knows something about EDs, that will be easier, so ask that first. Tell her that you will not discuss food intake or calories or weight targets in front of your d. That you need her for health care and weighing and that she must tell your d that AN is a very serious disease and that she is doing great harm to her body.
If she is not knowing anything about EDs, that may not be negative as long as she is ready to learn something about it. Tell her as much about FBT as possible and give her some informations about Eva Musbys and Lock/Le Granges book.
I have my fingers crossed for your telephone date!
Tina72
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #16 
Hi there,
To start with I would advise you to read through this, and print the checklist so you know the behaviours to talk about.
http://www.feedyourinstinct.com.au/
I would say absolutely nothing to my loved one until I had my ducks lined up in a row with a solid plan.
As Torie mentioned, would there be any way you could take her to the USA to the 5 day family intensive programme?

http://eatingdisorders.ucsd.edu/treatment/oneweek-intensive-treatment-programs.html

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Torie

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Reply with quote  #17 
Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Anyway, my question here is: any advice when talking to the doctor on the phone on Thursday? 
 

In my experience, there is exactly ONE thing the doc can say that will help: "I've spoken with your mom / mum, and she knows exactly what you need to eat.  You must eat everything she gives you."

After having been undermined by the therapist and pediatrician, I finally took my d to CHOP (here in the US), and was blessed to hear the doc tell that to my d.  It made such a huge difference, especially in comparison to being undermined by the "professionals."

So I would focus on how to get the doc to cover your back in that way.  Maybe something like "I need your help.  I've read so much about anorexia that I know WHAT I need to do, but getting an anorexic to eat enough is the hardest thing I have ever done.  It would be a tremendous help if you could put your professional authority behind my efforts and tell my d to eat whatever I serve her."

I'm sure you can say that much better (and in your own words), but that is the message I would suggest.  A unified front makes a big difference.

Thinking of you. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #18 
Hi
This is worth watching

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Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #19 
Blood tests are commonly normal in ED. General screening tests may show no abnormalities, but things like hormone profiles are often abnormal and cholesterol is often high!. So I think it is important to look at the tests as a screen for anything that needs specific treatment as part if nutritional rehabilitation - stick to that line - she will hate it, but normal tests don't prove she is not ill. Something that is repeatedly shown. My D did have abnormal tests early on, but most other than the hormones and Vitamin B 12 rapidly improved. My D had very high B12 levels, which flummoxed them initially. I have since found out it is a sign of liver damage and is associated with severe AN, something the ED specialists didn't even know, they had been expecting it to be low. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tusdad

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Reply with quote  #20 
Hi, I am in the UK and my 14 yr old bypassed cahms and went to a specialist NHS clinic. Is there not such a clinic in your area?
freedomfighter

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Reply with quote  #21 
Hi tusdad, I did contact our local eating disorders service but they only deal with 18+ (my D is 16 nearly 17), but thanks for suggestion.  But in any case CAMHS have now reconsidered and 'taken us back', we have assessment next week for me, husband and D.
freedomfighter

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Reply with quote  #22 
thanks toothfairy for that clip, yes some helpful stuff there (despite the incredibly creepy avatars they use!)
freedomfighter

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Reply with quote  #23 
Hi
[find it a bit tricky to know how best to post, how to reply to individuals, whether to start a new thread, even how to find my original post! so hope I'm doing this the right way!]

So, we have set a date to start the 're-nourishing' - Tues 13th Feb - it's going to be a full-on Lent! Had telephone appointment with GP last Thursday but she didn't actually ring (sigh) so have been asked to request another in writing and explain why I need this without my daughter's consent (she is 16 nearly 17) - I just want to make sure we are on the same page before my daughter sees her (if I manage to get her there).

In the meantime we have Camhs assessment complete with doctor tomorrow.  Husband and I have taken half days off work and collecting D from college so hope hope hope we will get her there.  We have said we will go into her class if she doesn't come out (D not a rebel so she would hate that) but there is possibility she will go awol.

In the meantime have been in touch several times with camhs pleading with them not to give D a target weight tomorrow, or say something like 'until your periods come back', and for them to instruct us, in front of D, to take over her feeding until her body and brain have a chance to get well again.

Watching helpful Eva Musby youtube films about re-feeding, some other ones as well.  Spending a bit of time with a friend who is very good on NVC and also has a very organised head on her, to help us to think through worst case scenarios and how we can deal with them. 

In the meantime my body is brimming involuntarily with stress and am wondering if I should go down the anti-depressant route myself.  Am not depressed in the slightest, but I am stressed, and terrified, as this HAS to work.  Husband very stressed too already (he is a social worker with families and children - a tough job with a lot of sadness in it).  But we are united and determined to stay united. 

So just posting here really to give an update, and to ask if there is anything else we haven't thought of? as we prepare.

Once we have started will seek some specialist help (outside camhs if necessary), someone we feel we can rely on without having to manage.  We have to find the money first but these are times when debt doesn't seem that important really!

Have also read through the refeeding posts and info on this site. Also reading Decoding Anorexia.  Really good.  But it's all too much really!

Anyway, thanks for your support.  I am very very grateful.





tina72

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Reply with quote  #24 
Hi freedomfighter,
it is a bit tricky and I don´t know how to set these "quotes" from others up to know so I do it just with "    ".
I reply to individiual by name. And you can just update this threat or you can set a new one if you have special questions, as you like. I think there is no "right" or "wrong".
You can find your posts by clicking on your name, then you will see your profile and below is a red marked line "find all posts of XY" and "find all topics started by XY".

"In the meantime have been in touch several times with camhs pleading with them not to give D a target weight tomorrow, or say something like 'until your periods come back'"
That would be very important, because some get their period quite early again and that would send a wrong signal. My d had to gain 10 kg and she got her period back at 50% of that which could not be the goal.

Try to get prepared as good as possible. If you can leave work, do that. If you can do a nap through the day, do it. Sleep as much as you can. Get meds if necessary.
Try to have a fixed date with hubby every week to do something nice [wink] or meet a friend if possible. Cook in the nights when she is sleeping or when she is in school. Fill your freezer so that you do not need to go outside the house if necessary.
Care for yourself. You cannot help her if you break down. We all forget that.
Take the door keys off so that she cannot lock herself in or you out. Be aware that she might try to run away and you might need to lock windows and doors.
Contact the police and tell them that you might need their help so that they know what is going around. We didn´t need that but I know others did.
Take away everything she could use to hurt herself or you. Knives, scissors, that stuff. My d took a paperclip to cut herself so have some phantasy with that.
Try to close loop wholes for hiding food or purging. What you didn´t see her eating is not eaten.
Buy all plates and dishes in plastic and buy bigger ones. The portions look smaller on a bigger plate or bowl and then it is easier to eat for them.

The first days are the hardest. If you stay firm and consequent, it will get better every week.
I send you a big pack of power!
Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #25 
Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Hi
[find it a bit tricky to know how best to post, how to reply to individuals, whether to start a new thread, even how to find my original post! so hope I'm doing this the right way!] 


I always like when the person adds more posts to their thread so that I can scroll back up and refresh my memory about their recent history.  (Unless, of course, the person is starting an unrelated topic, in which case it is still fine to tack onto the old thread but also fine to start a new one.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
So, we have set a date to start the 're-nourishing' - Tues 13th Feb  


I'm sorry ... I'm confused.  What is your plan for the meantime?  I'm not sure why you would wait, but maybe that isn't what you meant?

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
In the meantime we have Camhs assessment complete with doctor tomorrow.  Husband and I have taken half days off work and collecting D from college so hope hope hope we will get her there.  We have said we will go into her class if she doesn't come out (D not a rebel so she would hate that) but there is possibility she will go awol. 


Ugh, yeah.  I remember worrying about that with my d for a particular appointment, and I ended up skulking around the halls BEFORE the class to collect her before the time she expected me or had an opportunity to disappear.  The school employees told me I had to wait in the office - which would obviously defeat the purpose - so I ended up hiding in the bathroom stall until the change of classes!  Oh my goodness, the crazy things ED drives us to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
In the meantime have been in touch several times with camhs pleading with them not to give D a target weight tomorrow, or say something like 'until your periods come back', and for them to instruct us, in front of D, to take over her feeding until her body and brain have a chance to get well again. 


Perfect!

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Spending a bit of time with a friend who is very good on NVC and also has a very organised head on her, to help us to think through worst case scenarios and how we can deal with them.  


So glad you have such a friend in your life.  Yay!

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
In the meantime my body is brimming involuntarily with stress and am wondering if I should go down the anti-depressant route myself.  Am not depressed in the slightest, but I am stressed, and terrified, as this HAS to work.  Husband very stressed too already (he is a social worker with families and children - a tough job with a lot of sadness in it).  But we are united and determined to stay united.  


Many here have gotten our own meds - antidepressants or antianxiety or whatever.  SOunds like a great idea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
So just posting here really to give an update, and to ask if there is anything else we haven't thought of? as we prepare. 


THanks for the update.  I've been thinking of you and your d.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Once we have started will seek some specialist help (outside camhs if necessary), someone we feel we can rely on without having to manage.  We have to find the money first but these are times when debt doesn't seem that important really! 


Helpful help is such a blessing, if you can find it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
Have also read through the refeeding posts and info on this site. Also reading Decoding Anorexia.  Really good.  But it's all too much really!


It's overwhelming.  But worth it.  Hang in there, and please remember we're with you in spirit. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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