F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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i have just found this forum and would welcome some guidance with my friend. She was first diagnosed about the age of 16, a couple of years after her mums death, I didn't know her then. But she recovered and although a bit 'funny' with food was ok. Her Dad died  2 years ago and it's reared its ugly head again at the age of 39. She also suffers with depression, so the dual conditions often play each other up. She has no family she wants around so relies on me and a couple of other friends. I want to know how best to help her as I want to support her but not enable her if that makes sense. Any advice would be very greatfully received thank u.
Hi Joannesarah,
Welcome. It is very kind of you to want to help your friend. She is very fortunate. As for her illness, does she eat well with her friends? What is she struggling with now and would she seek out professional help? I would hope she has a good supportive medical/psychological team currently if she is having difficulties.
Modeling good eating habits ie no fear of eating or no restriction, may help her eat more normally too.  

If you let us know what the issues she and you are dealing with, we may be able to come up with some ideas.

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
a warm welcome from Germany and it is so nice that you want to try to help your friend! You are a good friend I see.
Depression is often a symptom of malnurished brains. My d had severe depressions for the time she did not eat enough and still gets down the rabbit hole if she would skip a meal or not eat enough today 2 years in recovery.
So getting her to eat normal food (no restrictions, no vegan diet or other dieting) on a regular schedule is best help. She needs to eat normal portions and 3 meals and 2-3 snacks a day (every 4 hours would be great).
Can you eat with her regularly? Would she eat food that you have cooked? Can you help her with grovery so she does not buy light and low fat products? Can you talk to her dietitian about how to help her? Is she seeing a GP for blood, heart and bones regularly? What about osteoporosis at that age?

If you tell us with what you are exactly struggling we can help you with ideas.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Tabitha Farrar has a really good blog, she recovered as an adult:
Your friend may be interested in reading it.

Carrie Arnold has a really good book as well: "Decoding Anorexia", which your friend may find useful.

I have a friend who lost a lot of weight after her husband's death, she even asked me for advice for gaining some more, but I doubt she followed it. It is really hard to get them to eat as you are not there the whole time.

Sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww