F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Mika Show full post »
Enn
Don’t feel bad. This illness makes us question everything we do and think. It challenges our own perceptions of ‘good parenting’.
it will come. You will start anew with the psychiatrist and you do for sure need an ED specialist team. 
Sending ten hugs 🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

this is hard hard stuff. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
It is very important that you see an ED specialist if any possible.
These things happen. Do not beat yourself up with it. Try to avoid it the next time.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn
Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) is where we have been since diagnosis as well as a pediatrician who has an interest in Eds in our city. I think you can make a self referral as well. 
https://cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/eating-disorders
https://nedic.ca

Please reach out to these agencies, they can really help. In Canada there is group of professionals/specialists that include doctors, social workers, psychologist ( can't recall the name off hand) that work together to ensure that care for ED's is evidence based. Now I do understand that in remote/rural areas the care can be difficult to access. But as you are in Toronto you do have Sick Kids Hospital and CMHA  who do believe in FBT and that parents ARE part of the therapy/treatment. 
We do have many facilities in Ontario ranging from inpatient and out patient and residential. 
I hope you get into one of those soon.
XX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mika
Right now we're at north york general hospital and we've been told that the program for ED at sick kids is pretty much the same. What I don't get is why they don't offer any kind of therapy for him .He told us that going to the gym helps him coping with stress and when we take it away from him he gets very anxious. Now I know and understand why we're doing it but i don't understand how he's supposed to handle the stress.. . Are we pushing him to other bad things like drugs or alcohol ?
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MKR
Hi again Mika,

We had to stop ALL exercise for a while.  In the beginning the negotiations did not work, were just encouraging our child to increase the exercise. 

So we got the school to ban her from sneaking into the gym, into the pool or running around the grounds. (Yes, from all the wonderful facilities that had made us choose this school pre-ED... ☹...).

The school response was amazing. All teachers were told and got on board.  So much that one even reported seeing our daughter at her local gym! So we called all the gyms in the area and put our daughter on the banned list.

I confiscated so many jump ropes.  They are only a couple of dollars, so I had to keep confiscating. Found tinned food in her room, used as weights for her secret workouts. She carried a super heavy school bag, stuffed with dictionaries that I know she never used (prefers to look up words online).

Every time I interrupted a workout, she was furious and violent. I guess that meant ED was challenged. 

The endorphins during the workout while underweight are addictive to the child. The pull is so strong, but your determination and love will pull him back!

Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Enn

Mika, 
I am sorry I had not really fully realized you were with an ED team. North York is a good program and they are all the same that is true.
But you mentioned that the therapist is a non ED therapist? Is he part of the ED team?

I do have a few questions if I may?

Does your son have a diagnosis if seeing the ED team, he should. Although he obsessed with exercise the restriction is very much like AN. 
As for them trying to get your son to listen, it is not how it works. I will share our story here as an example. My d started eating healthy and also had anxiety. Then she restricted food and ended up in a relative energy deficit (RED) and then something in her brain click and she could not stop, The restriction I do feel helped her feel calm at times. (Paradoxical to others without ED).  Then she became obsessive of wanting to the fastest, the smartest, she stood all the time. She had to have her room perfect and no one could go in her room and touch anything!
She has AN. 
The way through this is to interrupt the detrimental, life threatening behaviours, like nutrition and stopping the exercise. Most of the time we have to stop ALL exercise. Their hearts may not be able to take the strain of exercise with a malnourished body. 

By stopping the exercise you are NOT pushing to other bad things. This can be bad enough. This is an illness that has to be treated aggressively and when he gets better and by that I mean less exercise and gaining and eating properly the other mental health issues should be addressed meds or therapy etc...
I learned her that they absolutely NEED to go through this stress to get better. It is so hard as a parent to see them go through this, but when you really look at it, you are not hurting him in the least. You are keeping his heart safe from the exercise and you are feeding a boy who will need a lot of calories to grow and become a healthy man. 
This is part of the illness. Distress tolerance: They need to learn to tolerate their distress while eating and not exercising and WE need to tolerate our own distress at seeing them distressed. The feelings will not kill him but the act of obsessive exercise and not nourishing the body will. That is what helped me. 

Your real son in there is really struggling and when I understood that(it took a really traumatic episode one month after my d's diagnosis- it clicked for me, I was no longer afraid of ED. I was afraid if I did not take control, I could lose her. It took time and it was so hard, but it did change me. There was a shift in myself and I had to change how I parented. 

My d was admitted for 3.5 weeks in Hamilton. She was on a cardiac monitor and strict bed rest. If she ate well, she got a wheelchair walk around the hospital. I walked she rode the wheelchair. 

Then when she got home I had to feed, feed feed, and challenge here with her behaviours. That is the treatment. My d also was put on sertraline fo help with the anxiety. I do think it helped somewhat but it was still not easy to feed.

Has your team advised you what the goals are? Are you doing FBT? Have they addressed the exercise properly? What is your son's weight and height? Do you get proper medical follow up of heart rate and Blood pressures done lying and standing? 

Also one of your first posts says he does not eat much at all. Are they willing to admit him if he cannot gain weight at home and you are struggling?

I am not sure if anything there helps you. But please know you are not alone. Please know we all thought the same things you are thinking now. 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
Ps if he is not gaining weight then they do need to consider IP or more intensive treatment options.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mika
Thank you Enn so much for sharing your story and your insights. The therapist we saw was not from the hospital team ,he was someone we tried on our own.  At the hospital we met only our ED social worker and a nurse who monitored his weight and heart rate . He is medically stable (gained a few kg since we started ) The plan for him was to stop exercise and stop preparing food completely and eat my food. There were no other instructions, each time we went there she just said you are doing what you need to do even when we told her that he is not co-operating. Am i expecting too much? Is that it? 
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Foodsupport_AUS
It would not be expected at this stage for your son to co-operate. It is part and parcel of this illness. I would also expect for his anxiety to increase when exercise is stopped. The problem is that his anxiety is disproportionate to what is happening. One of the hardest lessons I found in caring for my D was learning to tolerate her anxiety and not to relieve it by giving in. Think of it as a phobia for your son - he has a phobia that if he doesn't exercise something bad will happen to him - every time he exercises it reinforces that phobia. Not exercising of course greatly increases his anxiety but the only way he will learn that nothing bad will happen is for him to experience it over and over again. Eventually he will come to realise that nothing happens if you don't exercise. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Mika
Thank you for that !!!That is helping me to understand what Im fighting against !
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MKR
One more thing: ED will NOT resolve by itself. How I wished the ED would simply fizz out... Instead, it grips and pulls downward and we HAVE TO fight it even when we are exhausted. 

After each a tantrum, I would give my daughter a short gentle shoulder and neck massage. If she asked for more, I was so happy. Then we could talk about "normal" things that happened that day. I just didn't want to allow ED to be a way of relaxation. 

What kept me going is the thought that if I did not fight it, it would get worse. I just couldn't face going backwards. 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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