F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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So it's Mother's day in the UK.
I want to say hi to all of you who will have heart-warming things, maybe unexpected lovely ones.
I want to say hi to all of you who will have the exact opposite.
I've had a few horrible Mother's day and I want to share that they haven't meant anything. They're not a barometer of our closeness, which was there all along, somewhere in the depths. They're not a window into our future. It's just one rather different day.

So this year I am reminding myself that some years my D has had to do what she has had to do, for whatever reasons. And because I can't force myself into this or that emotional reaction, just in case I've filled my house with flowers (Lidl !!!) which I may or may not give to my own mother or my ill neighbour. Love to you all!
Eva Musby, mother, author, produces lots of resources for parents at https://anorexiafamily.com and on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/EvaMusby/playlists
Eva - thank you so much for this, it's what I needed to hear. I've been kind of dreading today, while trying to tell myself it's just another day and however it turns out doesn't signify anything.

Mum to 17 year old daughter with AN,1 year IP from Feb 2015, discharged Feb 2016, WR but mentally nowhere near where she needs to be. Remained stable but rapid weight loss again leading to admission to specialist ED unit Sept 2016. Back round the circle...
Thanks Eva,  I have so much to be thankful for but also so much to keep batttling against!  Avoiding Facebook and all the false happiness it portrays but which still unsettles me and sending hugs out to all the warrior mums on this forum. 
Diagnosed RAN October 2013, w/r but struggling with depression and anxiety.
Thank you Eva.

I had no expectations from today. My other daughter is a sweetheart and I am going through the motions for her.

My ED daughter is moody and surley and not very nice to be around. She has gone out to watch her boyfriend play football and I think we will be spening this evening at a hospital getting her checked out. Yes. Definitely no expectations from today. It is no different to any other day at the moment, but I will trade today off for (hopefully) many other happier Mothers Days in the future.

UK - South East

19 yo D

Dx AN Feb 2015 (Aged 15). Pre-existing low self-esteen and high anxiety. 

2015: 3 x medical hospital admissions. 1 month in IP which she self discharged from [eek].
2016: 3 x hospital admissions. 
2017: CAMHS CBT. WR, dropped out of 2 different colleges and started an apprenticeship.  Started having grand mal seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy in Nov 2017. Sacked from job because of this.  Tribunal ensued.
2018 - doing a Psychology degree through Open University and working in retail to pay her way in life. Relapses with eating disorder in June 18 and Nov 18 😢. 

On particularly rough days when I am sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. [Author Unknown]
Ok - let me give you hope here! I too have had absolutely horrible Mother's Days through this illness.

Today I got a card. Telling me how much I am appreciated ( it made me cry). 15 months ago my D hated me with a vengeance - true venom 24/7 which made me want to give in, move out , anything.

Better again, and the only gift I could wish for, we went out for lunch and we all had three full courses, including a fully calorific dessert, (there were lighter options!) and they were just eaten as the came. No requests to remove this or that, plus the offered bread roll on the side with the starter just gracefully accepted and eaten. No big wind up or worry pre- lunch.

Don't get me wrong here, my D doesn't sit and have three courses any old time, far from it, but it is that gradual loosening of the reins, (her own chains ) and being exactly the same as everyone else on a special occasion that made my heart sing. Chatting to others about "what are you having"? "Oh..what are you choosing for dessert , I fancy the cheesecake" etc. Normal conversation punctuated with comments like "the foods very good here".

Maybe my D will always have some sort of eating disorder to manage and this is more of a description of where she is in her own recovery.

but I hope it gives somebody hope! My D was severe, not for turning at all, entrenched and very nearly died. But today.....Happy Mother's Day to the hero mums out therexxx
Here's wishing all our heroic warrior mums an adequate Mothers Day! I hope the goodwill sent by this forum can go a small way to making up for the h#ll of yet another AN holiday. Sending loads of cyber bouquets across the pond ... xx

Group Hug

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Happy Mother's Day all you wonderful UK moms.
I think I would have found it just a bit easier if I'd got some recognition from at least one of my children, but had zilch from either ED D or non-ED (Aspergers) S....  By some bad planning, I was away (on my own) this weekend, but didn't even get a text, let alone a card or anything.

Came home today, and H bought me 2 lovely miniature roses in china pots "One for Mother's Day, because you deserve better, and one because I love you."  

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always PROTECTS, always TRUSTS, always HOPES, always PERSEVERES. Love never fails.