D was admitted to IP yesterday as planned. Whole admission process took 6 hours - info, forms, medical assessment (blood, weight etc), lunch, medical history, settling into room. I had thought they might restrict visiting in the first few days to settle in but they don’t so I was back there in the evening also to visit. D was obviously very upset/sad, wished she had done the eating at home, didn’t want to stay, but we made it through and she wasn't too bad when I left. she did manage to eat the lunch - sandwich (with actual bread!!) , fruit and yogurt - but had more problems with dinner so had to have fortisip.
D had lost another kilo in the last week, so now lightest she has ever been. and the worst part for me was summarising where she was at with eating and exercising. I know it’s mostly deteriorated in the past month while waiting but how did we get so bad? Why were we not able to stop it? When it’s day by day and incremental you don’t see it quite so much- summarising it in one go just felt terrible. i haven’t stopped yet to deal with my feelings as I was back in work today and I think if I stop and cry I may never be able to stop! but she will get so much therapeutic support in IP and hopefully is now engaging which is good. I really don’t see how anyone manages to get better on a once a week trip to camhs.
back to visit tonight. D wants me to visit everyday (we’re not far away) which I will try to do the next few days but it’s not sustainable in the longer term with 2 other children to care for too.