F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Holloway2000
Hello all,

I am new to posting on this forum. Thankful for the resource, but heartbroken I've had to find it.
We are currently in week 8 of exclusive FBT with our 14 year old son, diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. He is making great strides in his eating and is up 15 lbs since January. We are noticing his mental health is progressively getting worse as he sees the changes in his body due to weight gain. We have discussed this with his Dr. and she assured us this is normal, but I'd love to hear from other parents in our situation.
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Enn

Welcome,
This is a great community with so much experience and support.

What you note is very very common and expected. It will take a long time for that t hat to go away. In fact as he gains more those thought usually dissipate. He needs to feel this distress and upset to learn it will not hurt him. I know it sounds counterintuitive. Remember too as a young man he will need a lot of calories to fuel growth and development and he may need more weight and calories than you thought at the beginning!

Well done on the weight gain we know that is not an easy feat!!
please read around the forum and FEAST-Ed.org
anorexiafamily.com

sending  my best!
🌷🌼

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Torie
Hello and welcome.  We, too, have mixed feelings while welcoming someone - so pleased you have found us, but so sorry that you had the need to search us out.

As your doc and Enn have said, it is normal for their distress to increase as the weight goes on.  Until - one fine and magical day - the tide turns and things start getting more normal and better.  Unfortunately, recovery is not linear, and we all seem to experience the one step forward two steps back syndrome.

ValentinaGermania has a suggestion many find useful: She color codes each day on the calendar: red for bad ED days; yellow for not terrible days; green for normal/good day.  At first, all the days are red, then a smattering of yellows will appear.  Progress is so slow and uneven that it can be hard to notice without the color-coded calendar.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like.  We're glad you found us. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Barberton
Yes, very normal. My d had a meltdown earlier this week due to the fact that she is gaining weight. Don't get into arguments with the ED they don't go anywhere. Instead, work on being super compassionate. I say things like, "That sounds like something the ED would say." (said in a very kind and gentle voice) or "It seems like the ED is giving you a really hard time today. Can I help?" At first, it was really out of character for me to speak this way and my d rolled her eyes at me. But now it's just how it is and I think she appreciates it. Since we are all at home now thanks to COVID-19, I am trying to break the day up with fun little things such as who can tell the funniest joke for the day or playing a quick game of cards. We also have a strict routine on schoolwork, snacks and bedtime, so that our kids feel comforted by the schedule. 
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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PurpleRain
Welcome! I did use the suggestion of Valentina that torie mentioned and it was really useful. Keep coming back with questions, how can we help?
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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MKR
Dear @Holloway2000,

Your boy is probably unaware that at 14 he has got some growing to do as well.

Maybe, in a calm moment, you can tell him that food might go to his tummy and waistline first and then get distributed to vital organs and finally limbs.

So he may feel upset at seeing his body get wider but I bet he wants to grow tall, too 😀.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Holloway2000
Thank you all for your insight. I love the idea of a calendar, that sounds like a great way to see if we are progressing in the right direction.
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