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greekdude Show full post »
greekdude
Thank you @Enn once again, much appreciate your input. Dear @PurpleRain , I hope the best for your brother and D .
I will try to post some review of pro-cal powder soon I hope.
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greekdude
Hello Dear Parents, Just an update , wife started to think that too much oil causes diarrhea , so too much might not be good. So she started using pro-cal, once in a while.

But, this is not our hot topic now. D who turns 17 on August, started dieting since S's residential days. She is 162cm tall, and 3 years ago she weighed 62Kg. From then she started losing weight and this morning we weighed her (after a yesterday fight of not wanting to be weighed) 51.5Kg. BMI=19.6 . D had always a bulkier build than S. She was never thin and tall like S. I found yesterday behavior ( screaming, yelling, resisting) very alarming. This morning both parents were calm during the weighing. I know if we fail to reverse this downwards trend , then hospital is the final solution, worse case she loses one year, and takes the final exams (for admission to university) next year .
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MKR
Go Team GD 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦!

You've got experience under your belt now, you know what to look for AND you stayed calm.

I wish you a quick reversal so your D does not need to miss a year.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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greekdude
MKR wrote:
Go Team GD 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦!

You've got experience under your belt now, you know what to look for AND you stayed calm.

I wish you a quick reversal so your D does not need to miss a year.


thank you so much. Interesting thing , yesterday during the incident S wanted to intervene and told us to ask D what is that really bothers her head. Then we went to his room and I asked him, what was bothering *your* head one year back. He replied, I know dad that you think its all biology. So I asked him, so how does it work like? He said you start little by little and then lose control.

But it made an impression that although S didn't have an explanation for his case, he still believed that there is a reason for his sister to lose weight.
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MKR
I think many people still confuse 'the reason' with 'the trigger'. Probably because eating disorders are mental illnesses, we tend to think they are driven entirely by the mind.

I like how your S can express himself. 😀 Not many can be objective enough. 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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greekdude
MKR wrote:
I think many people still confuse 'the reason' with 'the trigger'. Probably because eating disorders are mental illnesses, we tend to think they are driven entirely by the mind.

I like how your S can express himself. 😀 Not many can be objective enough. 


I forgot to add that when asked he said : there is no universal specific reason, it is different for each person.

I don't know, I'd like to think of it like a car. I bring this analogy all the time in my head. I have a japanese car that develops an overheating situation only when I drive in ex-Yugoslavia, and only when I have filled with 100-octane gasoline. So is this the fault of the specific programming designed in the factory ? (biology) . Is the owner (parent) to blame for his driving style or bringing the car (child) to a supposedly bad, uncivilized, poor environment? Or is the environments fault ? (btw the local gasoline powered euro-made vehicles had absolutely no problem, I didn't see a single overheating case in the streets). Or is it just bad karma, a bad combination of all of the above?
So should I :
- just stop driving again with this car in ex-Yugoslavia (keep the child away from the internet )
- Keep driving there but avoid 100-oct gas, and drive with crossed fingers (keep the child away from sites about diet)
- Upgrade the car with after-market radiator/fans/hoses in case things go bad (make the child stronger to withstand anything)
- Replace the car and buy one that this specific environment seems to like (e.g. german) (not an option with children)
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MKR
Hi @greekdude,

To go with your analogy, I believe that Yes, resilience is the key (upgrade, ie arm the child/ young adult with coping strategies), along with exposure (practice makes perfect).

Your S's finding that reasons are different for each person seems to confirm that what they all have in common is the biology, what I like to call sensitivity.

A car analogy was used a lot here by my D's father: You can't run on empty, and Your engine needs oil or parts get damaged.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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PurpleRain
Love your analogy. I think (it is more an informed opinion, I have read loads and I'm a biologist) it's a combination of biology (genes, predisposition), triggers (diet, anxiety, growth spurt, illnes). If you have the triggers (in you s case, something bothering him) but not the genes/predisposition, the end result is not ED. If you have the genes/predisposition but never energy/Cal's deficit, the ED doesn't get switch on. If you have the genes/predisposition and encounter triggers, voilà you get ED. I'm over simplifying I know, but you get the idea. 
I hope with your D you can turn it around quickly! Best wishes
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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PurpleRain
Love your analogy. I think (it is more an informed opinion, I have read loads and I'm a biologist) it's a combination of biology (genes, predisposition), triggers (diet, anxiety, growth spurt, illnes). If you have the triggers (in you s case, something bothering him) but not the genes/predisposition, the end result is not ED. If you have the genes/predisposition but never energy/Cal's deficit, the ED doesn't get switch on. If you have the genes/predisposition and encounter triggers, voilà you get ED. I'm over simplifying I know, but you get the idea. 
I hope with your D you can turn it around quickly! Best wishes
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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greekdude
Gracias @PurpleRain ! Same we wish to you and your D!
Lets hope you biologists and health scientists will do your miracle. I would gladly work on such a project for the rest of my life.
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deenl
Hi Greekdude,

I can empathise with your concerns for your daughter. My youngest son has some habits that mean I keep a close eye on him.

greekdude wrote:
From then she started losing weight and this morning we weighed her (after a yesterday fight of not wanting to be weighed) 51.5Kg. BMI=19.6 . D had always a bulkier build than S. She was never thin and tall like S. I found yesterday behavior ( screaming, yelling, resisting) very alarming. This morning both parents were calm during the weighing.


If I understand this correctly - you wanted to weight your daughter but she became very upset and you did not weigh her then but you weighed her the next day. At one stage this was the same with my ED son. We later found out that he was very upset with an unexpected weighing but calmer when he knew ahead of time. This was because he would drink a lot of water before being weighed so it would look like he had not lost as much weight as he really had. This might not be the case with your daughter but I am just telling you our story so that you can be careful it doesn't happen to you too.

I noticed earlier in the thread about your son being sleepy. It may be the medication, sometimes taking them at a different time e.g. at dinner instead of at breakfast time can help. Maybe talk to his doctor? 

I have found it really tricky to know what is normal regarding sleep with my ED son. On the one hand, his two brothers sleep a lot and can easily sleep until 11. They are probably on their phones or laptops too late even though they are not supposed to have their devices in the bedroom ðŸ™„. But my ED son has never slept as long as they did and as a toddler stopped napping earlier than the average kid. But he did have times of being tired when he was recovering from ED. Earlier on, I think it was his body using the nutrition to repair the internal damage and later it has been because he has been catching up on growth - he has grown 30 cm since he was ill.

I know it is difficult when there are differences between parents. That was the case with us for the first few months and it was a very hard time. I admire how you continue to advocate for full nutrition for both your children. Hang in there.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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greekdude
@deenl thank you once again for sharing your experiences and knowledge! So glad about your S! 30cm is huge progress! So nice all the damage has been repaired.
After S cut Risperidone he hasn't been as sleepy as before. He has started preparing for next year, now he studies geography (!!!) and some python programming language (by his own). He has socialized a lot, goes out in the neighborhood (unfortunately till very late - as most greek teens do), so he has his dinner very late (after 24:00). Twice when we went out the two of us (in the last month), he managed to drink juice, even if it was outside the 5 meals plan. He couldn't do that before. Still he didn't touch the potato chips. Most of the time especially when with other ppl (family friends etc) he sticks strictly with the 5-meal plan, which means his eating does not overlap with the rest.
Now wife has her eye on D as well. She is in control of both kids (as always). Our views started to align. She cooks most of the time. Tomorrow we are seeing a nutritionist-psychologist mainly for D. If this nutritionist sets a good plan for D then D will have to follow it. Both W and I are determined and fully aligned and united in this. No more fights!
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deenl
Wonderful news about you and your wife feeling more of a team. It is so unfair that the genetics of EDs mean it can hit families more than once. I hope your daughter can get back on track relatively quickly. 

Warm wishes 

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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MKR
deenl wrote:
Wonderful news about you and your wife feeling more of a team. It is so unfair that the genetics of EDs mean it can hit families more than once. I hope your daughter can get back on track relatively quickly. 
Warm wishes 
D


Totally agree!!

Warm wishes from me as well. Fingers crossed it goes well with your D!  Your S has made huge progress.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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