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CED123 Show full post »
CED123
I have tried to get her to help but no joy....
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CED123
Latest throwing went in recycling not on the floor, so that's progress!
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CED123
Not a good day today. Down by half of breakfast and evening shake /cereal.  Into evening text rant. Rinse and repeat tomorrow no doubt.
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tina72
You are doing great, CED123. Throwing into bin can be avoided by locking away the bin (but then it might be thrown on the floor again).
Try to replace the thrown food calm and constant until you are out of food 🙂.
Try not to reply to text rants.

They can be stubborn but you can be as stubborn as ED! I send a big pack of power for tomorrow!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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CED123
Thanks Tina.  In non-discussing bagel stand off at the mo but it will come to a head soon at lunch time. not expecting success today really (although pretending i am) but will keep trying tomorrow.
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CED123
Well - no mopping but no bagel eaten either. Repeat tomorrow. 
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scaredmom
Isn’t this just a bear to deal with?
i agree to trying tomorrow. 
Just a question, did she eat something instead of the bagel? 

take breath, shake it off, move on. Tomorrow is a new start.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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CED123
yes, she put the filling into a pita bread (large pita at least!). has now spiralled downward though after feeling her clothes are too big.  admitted exercising in her room; refusing to drink her shakes later etc. talking about starting going for runs (am hoping that is just bluster as god knows how I would stop that). currently walking and text ranting. I think just the little push on the bagel has pushed her over the edge so all the angst is coming in full force - which just shows where her mind really is.
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CED123
what do I do about the night exercising? surely I should sleep in her room (we have a spare mattress) but I can't see my managing that without her getting physical.  
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tina72
You can only stop it by sleeping with her I fear. A lot of us did that. It might be possible that she goes through the roof when you announce that (ED will hate you) but also possible that she (your d) is relieved that you help her to stop that this way. Most of our kids enjoyed that sleeping with mum and some of us had problems to get rid of them from our beds again 🙂.

Maybe it helps to hang out her door room and have an alarm that makes bing bang when she leaves her bed like in the shop doors when you walk through?
But I fear she will just take it and throw it out the window...

So parents supervision is mostly best idea because she cannot throw you out of the window...😁

If she threatens to leave the house and go for a run you can only lock the door and hide her shoes...she might not decide to go on a run on socks.

If she threatens to get physical or you can foresee that this will happen, can you call the police ahead before something happens and tell them that you have a mental health problem at your house at the moment and that you might need their help? Some police offices have special trained mental health officers. It might be possible that they can offer you help and come around for a talk with her if she gets violent. And that would maybe stop that the next time just by taking the phone and tell her you will call the police... maybe an idea to avoid a critical situation that way?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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CED123
I have said I will call the police and next time I will have to I think.

I don't think she leaves her room when exercising so it must be sit ups or something in bed.  I would also hear the floor thumping if she was jumping etc - our house is not that sturdy!

My problem now is the new shake refusal - that's 2x300 of her day's calories. She's close to 85% and I thought that would encourage her, as she then might get to do netball in the autumn but it seems to have had the opposite effect.  
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CED123
Ironically I am feeling quite well armoured at the moment! it just isn't helping me get the food in. but I will plough on and hope once the "big red thermometer" is a bit emptier that it starts to get a bit better again.  if no shakes today, then I may rock the boat tomorrow with butter on the crumpet to make up.  Which at least isn't too messy if it gets thrown.
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Hendrixt
[QUOTE username=tina72 userid=4964560 postid=1308973478]You can only stop it by sleeping with her I fear. A lot of us did that. It might be possible that she goes through the roof when you announce that (ED will hate you) but also possible that she (your d) is relieved that you help her to stop that this way. Most of our kids enjoyed that sleeping with

So parents supervision is mostly best idea because she cannot throw you out of the window...😁

My wife sleeps with D and, although initially very difficult, it feels quite reassuring As it’s   completely put a stop to late night and early morning exercise. Also D was previously plagued by ED when trying to get to sleep and now is much much relaxed and reassured when she goes to sleep with mum every night. I long for things to go back to normal but for now I would much rather D slept with her mum and she was safe and reassured
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CED123
How old is your D hendrixt?

D has spent all day saying she will drink the shake if I pay her, and if I don't it can't be important ðŸ˜ .  But now moved onto she'll drink if I say she doesn't have to eat the bagel tomorrow - which is obviously the heart of the matter.  I am continuing to say she has to have both shake and bagel. 

Not good was D earlier saying that she is 'winning the competition'.
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sandie
CED123, i have similar competition theme at moment with D refusing to have any dairy this week unless i buy her the cereal i got rid of last week or else "I will think i have won". She told the therapist that the reason she won't eat any dessert also is that "i will think I have won and cured her" as well. I am unsure how to tackle this.

interesting that your D was looking for incentive to have shake. I know some people on this forum have used incentives.
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Foodsupport_AUS
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D has spent all day saying she will drink the shake if I pay her, and if I don't it can't be important Ã°Å¸Ëœ .  But now moved onto she'll drink if I say she doesn't have to eat the bagel tomorrow - which is obviously the heart of the matter.  I am continuing to say she has to have both shake and bagel. 


Reward or consequence based incentives can work for some people. Your D may be too old for a star chart, but does she get an allowance? What does that entitle her too? You can offer to pay/reward for meal compliance but since many ED kids are reward insensitive another option is to offer an allowance that reduces by X amount for each missed meal - all meals to be eaten as you determine. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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scaredmom
That is an ED ‘trick’. Very common. Don’t let it side track you. The only way it will go away is to stand up to it and not let the negotiation happen. 
We that too. I used to think that it I gave in a bit she would comply better- nope. It got worse.
When I read that this was so common here on ATDT, then I just stood my ground. But I tell you I was shaking in my boots for awhile. Then I held out longer than ED and she ate! 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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scaredmom
CED some have actually paid their kids to eat. Using it as an incentive, ‘when you eat the bagel, I will give you 2 dollars, towards the X that you want’
it may work, no harm in trying.
all my best
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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CED123
Thanks all. Yes, I have suggested a star chart/ small payment based on eating everything each day (as tina suggested also previously). But no, she wants me to buy her  a new camera for drinking one shake! Which isn't going to happen. 

In the end she did have one of the shakes. I think she got hungry and couldn't think of anything else to eat or maybe as a result of her brother asking. I need to find that out today as it's not great if the 9yr old feels he needs to get her to eat.

Bagel attempt #3 today. 
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CED123
I do hope this is ED and it's not just that my D is really entitled and grabby, but sadly I think there probably is an underlying trait.

BTW hope people don't mind my frequent updates. Helps me to let out a stream of consciousness.
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tina72
CED123 wrote:

My problem now is the new shake refusal - that's 2x300 of her day's calories. She's close to 85% and I thought that would encourage her, as she then might get to do netball in the autumn but it seems to have had the opposite effect.  


Here it was the same. The more weight we got on and the nearer she came to WR the more she fought it. It changed with blind weighing and not let her know her weight, her intake or any other number up to now. Today she is not even interested in her weight and does not want to know it any more.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tina72
CED123 wrote:
Thanks all. Yes, I have suggested a star chart/ small payment based on eating everything each day (as tina suggested also previously). But no, she wants me to buy her  a new camera for drinking one shake! Which isn't going to happen. 

In the end she did have one of the shakes. I think she got hungry and couldn't think of anything else to eat or maybe as a result of her brother asking. I need to find that out today as it's not great if the 9yr old feels he needs to get her to eat.

Bagel attempt #3 today. 


If you work with incentives or pay her for anything make sure that YOU set the rules and decide what is payed with what incentive and do not let yourself been blackmailed by ED.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tina72
CED123 wrote:
I do hope this is ED and it's not just that my D is really entitled and grabby, but sadly I think there probably is an underlying trait.

BTW hope people don't mind my frequent updates. Helps me to let out a stream of consciousness.


We love your frequent updates and you asked for a hand hold and that is what we love to give you and a hand hold is needed every few hours so that is normal 🙂. I am quite sure that it is ED and no underlying other stuff as her behaviour is totally common and we all had that or similiar behaviour in our houses with ED.
Try to get that bagel in today and the shake! You will feel so empowered once you achived your next victory over ED!
ED is a terrorist and we have a say here, we do not negotiate with terrorists.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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CED123
Thank you all for the continued hand hold - it is a big source of support. 
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CED123
Still at pita 1: bagel 0. allowance changed to earn as you go.

there's one pita left in freezer which I have considered throwing away, but I don't want her to then trash the kitchen looking for my hidden bagel stash in a tit-for-tat stand off.  plus she would just go to the shop to buy more.  So I will just keep on dishing up the bagel. currently I'm getting to recycle the same one.
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