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CED123 Show full post »
scaredmom
CED123, 
I was wondering how things were going on your end just today and here you posted! About you going away, may I suggest that you need this time away from ED to regroup and come back nurtured, stronger and more focussed? I remember going away last year, d was in a good place, but still liked me doing most of the meals for her and not her dad. You know what ?It was the best 4 days I have had in many years (even though it was a professional conference). She had to learn to trust dad with food, dad learned what she needed and how to support her better. I learned that I did not have to do it all and that they could survive a few days. She missed me so our reunion was sweet. My resentment at my predicament was less. I saw for all of us a life without ED. 
Do something that rejuvenates you, so that you come back with a bounce in your step and a smile on your face. I found with ED I was only mom to d, I felt I did not know who I was in the world by myself. When I went away and reconnected with ME, I felt so good. So go see your friends, they will remind you how wonderful you are, and how good life can be and that you deserve good stuff. 
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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CED123
Thanks scared on. Any of toast outcomes would be great but hopefully I can at least manage the fun part! I have escaped and am on a very crowded train. God only knows how the weekend will go at home though as I got back from school pick up of the youngest to find a row between H and D. 

Day also not helped by D finding out her weight at the dexa scan this morning. Radiologist blind weighed her but then left the clip board on which she had written Ds weight in full view of her (and I didn't notice). So we had some reaction to that but actually with non discussion and distraction she calmed down quite quickly. Although still saying that now she doesnt have to have 2 shakes as she is heavy enough and the NHS website says she is fine.

Better news : In her actual camhs weighing, she had put on 0.2kg so I am just relieved that she didn't lose weight with DoE and am feeling that as long as she doesn't drop shakes we might be at a plan that is actually working. 


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sandie
@CED123 have fun. Xxxxx
some wt gain withDOE sounds great.
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scaredmom
You have escaped! Good for you. Have a lovely time. You know, they may do better than you think while you are away. I think it might be good for you to not be there. There may be a shift in dynamics and if not, they will appreciate when you ARE there.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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CED123
Standing room only on the train though so no quiet seat with book (or snooze) unfortunately! I have the luxurious spot of just outside the toilet.
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scaredmom
CED123, 
I do hope you had a nice time on your mini- holiday and that things are fine at home. 
Just thinking about you. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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CED123
Thanks scaredmom. It was nice to see old friends, and H and children did survive.  But I am today feeling more depressed and powerless about the situation than ever.  am hoping I'm just tired as I didn't sleep well while away.
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scaredmom
I am sorry about how you feel today. 
I do hope with sleep that tomorrow will feel brighter for you.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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CED123
Camhs today. Good pep talk from the psychiatrist who I think is ok. Nice change from fatalism of intensive team. Flat week on weight but as she has been doing work experience, with lots of disruption and two days commuting to London, I think that's OK. Anyway, changing bagels to regular from thin (on Tina's suggestion) this week and upping pasta portion next week. 
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Mamaroo
Looks like you had a good appointment today. Yes, when their schedule is disrupted it's difficult to gain weight. Big yes for the regular bagels and larger portions. I'm glad things are going better!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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tina72
CED123 wrote:
Anyway, changing bagels to regular from thin (on Tina's suggestion) this week and upping pasta portion next week. 


Sounds like you are doing o.k. and there is some progress.
Why do you think better wait for increasing pasta portion next week? If you increase it very slowly (about 10 gramm dry pasta more each time you serve it) and use deep soup plates to serve it (portion looks smaller then) she will not recognise it. Try to do both this week. It will not get easier next week 🙂. You have to fight anyway so make the fight worth it 🙂.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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CED123
What is helping me today is the psychiatrist's view that they have to let it all out, not bottle it up.  Which I did know in theory but as a result of her wording I am now thinking of D as one of those charity fundraising thermometer things - you know when they draw a thermometer bulb and fill it up with red paint? except D is a full one and we have to empty it...  so each outburst is an emptying of the thermometer and closer to target - hopefully!

Also someone had mentioned Going on a Bear Hunt (maybe Tina?) so the 9yr old and I made a verse this morning which goes: we're going on a bagel hunt, we're going to catch a big one.  oh no! eating disorder! we can't go under it, we can't go over it, we've got to go through it.  Yell, smash, yell, smash, yell, smash.

Don't know how long this optimism will last but it definitely helps her being just a little bit heavier than before so more wiggle room for things that go wrong.

Tina - pasta is next week as I'm going to increase it openly and only have bandwidth for one battle at a time. got to get through the 3-4 days of bagel battle first.
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CED123
2 floor mops so far today after food throwing....
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tina72
You will live in the cleanest house here on ATDT 😁...
Think about buying shares of a company that sells mops and cleaning fluids...we should have bought some of a company that paints walls and ceilings.

And it was not me with the bear hunt. No bears in Germany 😂. But great idea!

By the way, it is no fault to ask her to help you cleaning up when all has calmed down a bit after food throwing. If she sees what work will follow she might think about doing that again twice...🙂.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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CED123
I have tried to get her to help but no joy....
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CED123
Latest throwing went in recycling not on the floor, so that's progress!
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CED123
Not a good day today. Down by half of breakfast and evening shake /cereal.  Into evening text rant. Rinse and repeat tomorrow no doubt.
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tina72
You are doing great, CED123. Throwing into bin can be avoided by locking away the bin (but then it might be thrown on the floor again).
Try to replace the thrown food calm and constant until you are out of food 🙂.
Try not to reply to text rants.

They can be stubborn but you can be as stubborn as ED! I send a big pack of power for tomorrow!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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CED123
Thanks Tina.  In non-discussing bagel stand off at the mo but it will come to a head soon at lunch time. not expecting success today really (although pretending i am) but will keep trying tomorrow.
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CED123
Well - no mopping but no bagel eaten either. Repeat tomorrow. 
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scaredmom
Isn’t this just a bear to deal with?
i agree to trying tomorrow. 
Just a question, did she eat something instead of the bagel? 

take breath, shake it off, move on. Tomorrow is a new start.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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CED123
yes, she put the filling into a pita bread (large pita at least!). has now spiralled downward though after feeling her clothes are too big.  admitted exercising in her room; refusing to drink her shakes later etc. talking about starting going for runs (am hoping that is just bluster as god knows how I would stop that). currently walking and text ranting. I think just the little push on the bagel has pushed her over the edge so all the angst is coming in full force - which just shows where her mind really is.
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CED123
what do I do about the night exercising? surely I should sleep in her room (we have a spare mattress) but I can't see my managing that without her getting physical.  
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tina72
You can only stop it by sleeping with her I fear. A lot of us did that. It might be possible that she goes through the roof when you announce that (ED will hate you) but also possible that she (your d) is relieved that you help her to stop that this way. Most of our kids enjoyed that sleeping with mum and some of us had problems to get rid of them from our beds again 🙂.

Maybe it helps to hang out her door room and have an alarm that makes bing bang when she leaves her bed like in the shop doors when you walk through?
But I fear she will just take it and throw it out the window...

So parents supervision is mostly best idea because she cannot throw you out of the window...😁

If she threatens to leave the house and go for a run you can only lock the door and hide her shoes...she might not decide to go on a run on socks.

If she threatens to get physical or you can foresee that this will happen, can you call the police ahead before something happens and tell them that you have a mental health problem at your house at the moment and that you might need their help? Some police offices have special trained mental health officers. It might be possible that they can offer you help and come around for a talk with her if she gets violent. And that would maybe stop that the next time just by taking the phone and tell her you will call the police... maybe an idea to avoid a critical situation that way?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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CED123
I have said I will call the police and next time I will have to I think.

I don't think she leaves her room when exercising so it must be sit ups or something in bed.  I would also hear the floor thumping if she was jumping etc - our house is not that sturdy!

My problem now is the new shake refusal - that's 2x300 of her day's calories. She's close to 85% and I thought that would encourage her, as she then might get to do netball in the autumn but it seems to have had the opposite effect.  
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